Demesne 416 - I Am Not A Child. I Am A Dungeon Binder (Patreon)

"There you are," Binder Lori said as Shana approached the Coldhold. "That was quick. We'd just sent someone to go inform you we were leaving." She frowned. "Why are you carrying that child? Is she injured?"

"She is uninjured, Great Binder," Shana said, adjusting her grip on her cousin. "She simply does not want me to leave." An idea occurred to Shana. "Should we indulge her and have me remain here in River's Fork?" For all that she knew she had responsibilities to fulfil, if the Great Binder told her she had to stay…

Binder Lori just gave her a blank look, then turned towards Lord Rian. "Rian, deal with this and get us underway as soon as possible. I'll be downstairs in my room." She turned away, climbing down to the Coldhold's lower deck.

The two of them stared after her.

"Sure, make me the villain who tells sad little girls 'no'," Lord Rian sighed theatrically, shaking his head. He carefully made his way over the outrigger ramp and onto the dock. Lord Rian carefully knelt down. "Yoshka?" Shana turned so that Lord Rian's face would be in Yoshka's view. "Hello, Yoshka."

Yoshka sniffed. "Hello, Lo' Rian."

"Could you please let Shana…" he paused out of habit, but there was no corrective cry of 'Shanalorre', "let Shana go? We can't leave without her."

Shana felt Yoshka's face rubbing against her as her cousin shook her head. "Don't want her to go. Want her to stay."

Lord Rian nodded seriously, then glanced towards Lord Yllian and made vague looking gestures that involved pointing at Yoshka, then gesturing towards the dome. Lord Yllian nodded, and began hurrying away, presumably to get mushka or dyadya. That done, Lord Rian turned back to face Yoshka. "Have you asked her if she wants to stay?"

"Want her to stay!"

Lord Rian nodded again. "She can't stay, Yoshka. Shana has things she needs to get back to in Lorian. Tell you what, if you let her go, I promise she'll come back to visit. Right, Shana?"

Shana nodded. "Yes, Yoshka. I told you, I'll come back. I'll always come back. So please, let me go."

Yoshka's face rubbed against Shana as her cousin shook her head in denial. "No!"

Part of Shana still agreed with the sentiment, still wanted to not be separated from Yoshka. Still felt that without her cousin, she would be all alone. However, the fact she could think such a thing again without losing her flow of thought meant that said part of her was no longer overreacting to the notion, despite the distress that it caused. That the distress was no longer overwhelming also added credence to Lord Rian's advice about pain becoming endurable given time. Time and subjecting oneself to the pain in question.

She wondered if she could live like Lord Rian, feeling the full pain of the loss for seven years and still ongoing… who had he lost?

No matter what she and Lord Rian said to try and convince Yoshka to let go, her cousin wouldn’t move. She just clutched at Shana with single-minded stubbornness holding as tightly as she could. Shana was reluctant to try and physically remove her, and Lord Rian seemed to be of the same mind, although the way he kept glancing towards Binder Lori’s room at the front of the ship told her he was concerned as to her reaction if he did so. Which… was a valid concern, certainly.

Shana was relieved when Lord Yllian arrived with mushka in tow. "Mushka," she greeted. "Could you please take Yoshka so that we can leave?"

"Don't go!"

"As you can see, Yoshka doesn't want to let go of me, and isn't listening. Could you please take her?"

"No! No! Tota, Shasha's going away again! I don't want her to go!"

Mushka frowned. "I thought that since we had enough food again, all the children would be coming to live here again."

"Yes, that is the case," Shana confirmed.

"Then why are you going back there?"

…

"I am not a child. I am a Dungeon Binder, and the Great Binder wishes me to be near the bulk of her population should healing be required."

Mushka's expression became disapproving, but Shana ignored it. Mushka Vyshke was one of the few people who still insisted on treating Shana like a child to a degree that it had interfered with Shana's ability to properly perform her duties at the time. She had performed them regardless, and mushka had become distant from her as a result… a result that she lamented but had chosen not to correct. As a Dungeon Binder, fulfilling her responsibilities was more important. "You should be at home."

"Yes," Shana agreed. "That is why I need you to take Yoshka so we can leave."

"Don't leave!"

She raised a hand gently rested it on Yoshka's head, stroking her hair. "I need to, Yoshka. I promise I'll come back. But for now I need to leave. It will be like the times that dyadya had to go out on deployment. He left, but he always came back, didn't he?"

Yoshka shook her head again. "Don't leave!"

Shana sighed, looking towards mushka pleadingly. "Mushka, please…?"

Mushka's face remained disapproving, but she said, "Yoshka, come here. It's time for Shana to go."

"No! Don't want her to go!" Despite her words, however, Yoshka's grip loosened.

It was enough to let Shana kneel down and wrap her arms around her cousin, placing a kiss on her forehead. The urge to hold Yosha tight and not let her go, to keep the two of them together, arose within her. It was simply an urge, however, childish and petulant, if understandable. She knew that even if without Yoshka, even with her cousin far away, she would … she would be lonely, but it would be something she would be able to deal with, as she had during the winter. "I'll come back soon, Yoshka," she said. "I promise."

Picking up Yoshka again, she took her to Mushka.

“No! No! Shasha, don’t go! Tota, don’t let her go! Shasha!”

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Yoshka's cries slowly faded away as the Coldhold moved further and further away from the docks. Shana had sat stoically on one of the ships benches, unable to think of how to respond beyond waving goodbye. There was turmoil within her, but not enough to disrupt her flow of thought.

Lord Rian looked pained at the cries, and the aunties who had been escorting the Great Binder were all uncharacteristically subdued. The only sounds were the splashing of the waves and the cries of bugs coming from the shore.

…

Had Binder Lori ever placed the binding to repel bugs on the Coldhold? Given that they stored food on the ship, as well as bug-vulnerable goods—and would have people residing in it for long periods of time, of course—perhaps it was a matter she should point out.

Eventually, Lord Rian said, "Shana? Are you—that is, how are you?"

Implying that she wasn't right at all, by any of the usual standards. Shana considered her response. "I am fit to perform my duties and see to my responsibilities."

"I… see…” Lord Rian was silent for a few moments, then sighed. “Shana… whatever Lori thinks, you are still a child. It’s all right to act like it sometimes. That includes being sad when you’re separated from the people you love.”

Shana didn’t reply, simply gazing out into the water, letting the turbulent emotions inside her run their course. They hurt, but she was used to that sort of pain. It was why she was here, after all.

The Coldhold traveled in relative silence, even Auntie Riz and her friends not speaking save for when Auntie Mekari calling out possible hazards in the water ahead and whether it was time to start turning left or right. They passed beyond the border of River’s Fork Demesne, and once more the life in her body was cut off from the whole, an island unconnected to the awareness that her connection to her core afforded her. She could no longer feel the life that clung to her clothes, and had to reach out and claim to feel the ones on her skin, a product of the dustlife upon her…

Some time after they had left the demesne’s borders, Lord Rian glanced to the side, then leaned towards the open hatch next to him. "Cottsy, could you stop the driver?" he called down. "Riz, could you start stringing the bow, please? I need to go tell her Bindership that the typhon beast is there on the shore."

Shana turned to look ahead of the boat, in the direction Lord Rian had gestured towards as Auntie Riz grabbed the bowstave among the spears that had been set aside. Sure enough, on the shore of the river was the typhon beast. The burns on its back were mostly scarred over, though not all of the burnt patches had started growing new feathers. As was often the case whenever she glimpsed the beast, it was leaning down and carefully drinking from the river, its long tongue lapping up the water as it took care to not get wet. Some blood was already dripping down its chin as the Iridescence there was washed off by splashes, but it continued on regardless.

It was probably a simple life, being such a beast. Eat smaller beasts, walk around as one wished, sleep when one wished, be watchful for other beasts that might eat it, although that did not seem to be a concern for the typhon beast. It’s sole worry would probably be needing to be on guard for Binder Lori wanting to kill it. Though actually, the beast wouldn’t know that last, so it wouldn’t actually worry about it.

What an idyllic existence.

“—ould I have the arrow? You’re the one always fondling it. Shouldn’t you know where it is?”

“It has to be here somewhere! I know I left it on the boat!”

“Didn’t you take one of the smaller boats to go to River’s Fork? The one we sent back home because you were planning to go back on the Coldhold?”

Shana glanced towards the hatch to the lower decks as a scream of frustration sounded. The scream was soon followed by a snarling Binder Lori climbing out of the hatch, her staff in hand. She looked around until she spotted the typhon beast along the shore. It had glanced up, seemingly hearing her scream, and seemed to be sniffing the air. Its snout was pointed towards them, and Shana wondered whether it was catching their scent.

“Do we have any other arrows?” Binder Lori demanded. “Something I can put a binding on that we can throw that far?”

“Unfortunately not,” Lord Rian said as he climbed out of the lower deck as well. “It’s not like we were planning to shoot it with anything other than your magic arrow. Don’t you have something else you can use to hit it?”

“Nothing that can kill it! I don’t have anything that can send firewisps that far, and any water cutter I make will delaminate well before it will hit!”

Lord Rian sighed. “Do you want us to try and get closer, then?”

Before Binder Lori could reply one way or the other, the typhon beast raised its head. Whether it had finally finished its drink or some sort of instinctive caution, it began to turn away, striding away from the river and among the Iridescence-covered trees.

Binder Lori’s colorful language chased after it.