Home Artists Posts Import Register

Content

Some Patreon only content! This was originally going to be the ending to the previous chapter. I still think its pretty good, but I was just unsure of putting it in right there, and taking the focus away from Xiulan.

Chapter will most likely be tomorrow.

=================================

A man without a leg hobbled his way through the town of Green Grass Valley. It was a place firmly under the influence of the Verdant Blade Sect. Three years ago it had been devastated by Sun Ken.

The town had mostly recovered from that attack—especially with the influx of new people who had come after they had learned of the bastard’s death. It was a vibrant, bustling place that had an undercurrent of sadness to it.

There were many widows who lived in Green Grass Valley—and many men like him.

People directed pitying looks at the man as he hobbled along, his face locked in a perpetual scowl, and the scent of alcohol around him.

But they knew better than to help him.

The man paused in his daily walk to look up at the statue of Cai Xiulan, the Demon Slaying Orchid. He raised a bottle in a mocking salute, then spat to the side.

Sheleftustodie! Jing Ri growled, his half face staring at him from the corner of his eye.

It had taken him two years to get home, after he managed to crawl his way out of that cursed valley. Missing a leg and missing an eye, clinging to life. Sometimes he felt like a revenant. Fueled only by his hatred, and a determination to see his home again.

He had given everything to the Verdant Blade Sect. and what had he rated?

Wewerejustfodder! Theynevercared! Ming Po muttered, from where he was torn in half.

A bit of coin for all his trouble. That's all they were worth, while the Demon Slaying Orchid got songs and statues. The woman had probably forgotten about them the moment the battle was over.

He could barely sleep these days. His fellows cried out for vengeance from beyond the grave. They clawed at his mind and haunted him every time he slept.

And in the absence of Sun Ken, they called out for the one who had abandoned them.

He still remembered her—running off as the boulders fell.

The man angrily took a swig of his drink, and grimaced.

He started hobbling away when he noticed a commotion at the front gate.

“Young Mistress!” somebody shouted. “Cai Xiulan has returned!”

The name felt like a punch to his gut. The world went all hazy, as he staggered around to look towards the entrance.

Sheleftustodiesheleftustodie! Lie Quan snarled, his chest caved in by a rock.

The man glared, as the bitch fairly floated into the town. As the people clamor all around her, and as she drank up their praise, that stupid little smile on her face.

The same stupid smile she had watched them with, when she had sat out near her tent. She had watched all of them. Like they had been curious animals that did strange things.

She hated all of us, held us all in contempt! Xi Xing moaned through his torn out throat.

The black hate boiled in his gut.

The ghosts screamed in the back of his mind.

He staggered back to his shack, and dug into his secret hiding place. He pulled out the vial of poison that was hidden there. It was nasty stuff, the seller had said. It could even kill a cultivator.

His hands shook. He shoved the vial into his belt, and staggered back out into the town. Cai was still talking to people and pointing to other cultivators, but he couldn’t hear what she was saying over the blood pounding in his ears.

He watched her every move, as she walked through the town, and as she started buying incense and alcohol.

And then… she started walking to the shrine.

He saw red, as she had the gall to stand in front of it,the shrine to his comrades—and place her offerings.

He sneered at the pageantry. The Perfect Young Mistress displaying her virtue for all to see.

“May I have some privacy?” Cai Xiulan asked. The others bowed and scraped, as they dispersed, but he stayed. He stayed, hidden behind a tree.

Avenge Us! The ghosts screamed.

He fingered the vial of poison again. How could he do this? A dagger? No, in her drink?

Would that stop the voices?

He grit his teeth, as Cai knelt down in front of the small shrine to the warriors who had died fighting Sun Ken. What insult was this cultivator going to offer them?!

The woman took a deep breath, and then began.

“I’m sorry for taking so long until I am able to talk to you like this,” Cai Xiulan whispered before the monument. “Lie Quan. I finally went gambling last year. I can see why you liked it so much—but you should have held yourself back a bit more.”

The man felt like he had just been stabbed in the gut. The howling spirits froze.

She… she—

“Ming Po. Your duck made it home, you know? Your daughter takes good care of him.”

Names.

She… remembered their names?

“Jian Yuan. Your son got married last year—he's doing quite well for himself, from what I can see.”

The names kept coming. Lu Hin, Xi Xing, Mao Hun…

“Hi Shin. I’m sorry you never got to become a great general. But a braver man I’ve rarely known. I saw you at the end, fighting against three others to defend your comrades.”

The Young Mistress of the Verdant Blade Sect got on her knees, and pressed her forehead to the ground in front of the memorial.

“Thank you. All of you. I swear—on all my ancestors—that what I am to do is in honour of you.”

Her voice was so sincere, the man staggered, coming out from behind the tree.

Cai Xiulan bolted upright, her eyes furious—and then she saw him. A man without a leg and only one eye.

Hi Shin?” she asked.

The ghosts, for the first time in three years, were silent.

And remained silent, as the woman pulled him into an embrace, tears in her eyes, as she told him how glad she was he was alive.

Comments

The GrandMage

Honestly? It was powerful, moving, and I did not like it. I wouldn't mind one of the wounded soldiers talking to her, but I dislike how it contextualizes her relationship with her men. Before, you had the feeling that while she saw herself apart from them, they might have had a closer opinion of her, whereas this reinforces that separation and has her men not knowing her. I prefer the idea she kept aloof and thought herself so different, but much like the lake men, they thought of her as a lot closer to them.

Valderan

I got the sense that the mans trauma had made him remember things with a different slant and that was what was making him fall further and further into despair. I'm on team, leave it in, but I see your point that there should be some careful thought on that dynamic so it comes across correctly.

The GrandMage

I mean, that's possible, but if so you'd want it to be more clear. Plus it's odd that she would think he was dead if he wasn't. Did she not return to her men with the sword? I remember it being that she left her mortals behind to hunt him down when she was wounded, so some must have survived. It just causes issues. Like I said, I'm not opposed to having a wounded soldier show up, especially as part of a larger chunk, but this specific bit just feels like it's causing issues with a lot of the characterization we've had of her so far and also introduces weird holes. Like, she didn't go back to help her men once she knew Sun Ken was dead? She didn't try to collect bodies and ensure they went home? It goes against everything I think I know of the character.

BurnNote

Yeah, I think this puts it pretty well. On its own it's a powerful scene, but it doesn't really fit the rest of the established... history I guess.

D J Meigs

I see how you would feel like that. I’m a bit torn on how to feel myself. But I think it works. Xiulan wasn’t true to herself back then, she had ideals but chasing Sun Ken was the first time she truly tried to uphold them and she failed. Her sect failed, by ignoring Sun Ken for so long because he wasn’t strong enough to warrant their attention. She didn’t have the resolve to call BS at the time. Unlike Xianghua who has a mask of arrogance but has always upheld her duties upfront and put the river people’s well being first even if it was considered a menial task by her sect. She did it out of rebellion first, but it became important to her and the people responded to that. Hi Shin’s pov is colored by his own struggle and I don’t think they would all hate Xiulan but it makes sense that she couldn’t reach all of them when she wasn’t honest to herself either. It adds a new dimension to her story, so I guess it’s good. But I also want everyone to love Xiulan because she’s a lovely person

Demian Buckle

Thank you very much. It was nice to see the event from another perspective. It did bring a tear to the eye. When you do the book with this chapter I would consider it as an Interlude after the chapter.

BurnNote

I don't think it would benefit the story. It takes the focus from Xiulan, but it's also overly convenient that he shows up right at this moment, but didn't get any other help. But most important: It shifts the tone. Without this it's the resolution of a pretty long running plot thread. But with this, there's another complication, and the fact that one guy happens to survive and comes in just in time to forgive her just kind of cheapens the whole thing. Honestly, I think the more interesting thing would be if one of the survivors didn't forgive them. He's like "Sun Ken had to be stopped, but why didn't you just bring a few more members of the sect, and then we mortals wouldn't have had to suffer". Which is a reasonable complaint, honestly. And it would be an interesting thing for Xiulan to confront, that one of her man thought the price was not worth it. It would be a bit tricky to make her both take it serious, but also not just undo her character development, but it should be doable. After all, not letting shit like Sun Ken happen is a big part of why Xiulan wants to unite the sects.

Caleb Reusser

I like this interlude and as others have stated feel it should be part of the book. It could be expounded upon to see her dealing with his injuries. It needs to be clearer at the end that her shock is that he is there, not that he is alive.

Caleb Reusser

I don't think she thought he was dead. I think her shock/surprise is that he is there.

Michael Fannon

This should be absolutely added to the final draft. Maybe add some more details and make a proper interlude.

Anonymous

She thought he was dead, she’s speaking to him alongside the other dead soldiers in both this and the published version.

John Grizzly

I'm with valderan. I uh think that it might seem to contextually her relationship with her people, which really wouldn't be a bad thing imo. But it mightve been lost that not only is the narrator in this segment an untrustworthy narrator, but one going through trauma, is traumatized, audio hallucinations and is just not in a right mind. It doesn't contextually relationship between them and their superior but rather of someone who inbroiled in bitterness, and hate and how that changed when she honestly put herself out there. Not that aloof impersonal cultivator so beyond mortal men, but a true caring leader who loved and cared for her men.

John Grizzly

I do agree that it should be a .5 though, not part of the main chapter. It's two different vibes imo and it'll clash

frogogre1

Just got to say really beautiful moment there can't wait to see where this goes because I figure hi shin will cause them to create artificial limbs and what that'll look like with cultivation mixed in is making me very curious but also how she'll respond to finding out what happened to hi shin as well as if there other survivors that she thought was dead and could use her help.

Old Dog

Thank you for this alt-ending. Loved it and agree with others that it should be included in some way.

Anonymous

I think this should be in the book. Maybe an interlude?

BlueMage_VT

I personally like the other version more, but this one is fine too.

Aaron Greene

This is great! You should introduce this somewhere.

Bonifacio Mario Peña Jr.

If he were really vengeful, he would have shoved that vial of poison into her mouth. Glad he didn't.

WyrdWizard

It seems strange that Cai wouldn't have learned about one of her soldiers surviving before now.

Anonymous

I personally think that this was better left out of the story. As mentioned by others it adds a characterisation issue and it adds a subplot that is immediately resolved.

Ichypa

This is great, but as others have said, I feel like there’s no way Xiulan wouldn’t have known that one of her men survived. I like the original ending better right now, though this could be excellent if it gets tweaked.

Leon

To me this does something important: Xiulan interacting with mortals that serve her sect. Right now her "arc" has been - Being aloof to all because it was thought to her - Rebelling against this as she saw the worth and bravery of the mortals that fought with her - Learning to embrace those of the Fa Ram - Closing the gap with her junior disciples - Closing the gap with cultivators of other sects Now she is working on uniting all sects for the benefits of all that live in the Azure hills Yet at the same time Xianghua is the only sect member we've seen serving/aiding those under her sects protection. It makes absolute sense that the two women come at this from different angles given their backstory, but it would feel disingenuous for Xiulan to talk to her sect elders about serving the hills without her interacting with them. This chapter for me did a great job there beceause she hugs, which was something that came difficult to her, a cripple smelling of alcohol and ill intent. It also, through Hi Shin, the profound effect cultivators caring for their people can have on them. Finally, I noticed that his name is not known throughout the chapter until Xiulan names him. Her words transforming him from a drunk mentally unstable cripple with ill intent to a man. I liked that touch

Aune

one way would be : carnage, blood, rendered limbs... beneath one of the piles of 20 men, was the first to fall.. only surving the waterfall of blood sure to come from fatal wounds by the sheer pressure of bodies, holding his insides... inside or whatever. the oversight by Xiulan' only made possible by her delirious/anxious/wounded state of terror, and guilt

Aune

This revelations' is nice, and a sweet ending to that part of her life. but feels like... behind every True Hero, there are irrefutable tragedy which would twist, or break a weaker man. a contrast to the light they bring forth to others. but by giving light into the tragedy itself and the Hero(Xiulan), would make her desire somewhat Lesser -"There would never be another Sun Ken" makes him less of a monster when you can say "forget about it" since the hero was 'a'okey by her balm to the soul by knowing at least ONE survived. for me, it's not about 'shifting focus' away from her, but more changing the very concept she had experienced in hindsight , the defining force of character growth becomes redundant to some degree. since somewhat of a redemption awaits her by him living. Threads of karma exist between them, and is 'real' by cultivation standards, making the meeting of the two a sure thing.

Saaski

I find it very plausible. You’re in the middle of a desperate fight, you’re ambushed, boulders are falling around you. You search for and see the man who is the cause of all this suffering running out of the valley. You pursue. Not much mental space left to notice if a few of your people didn’t get crushed. Especially if you already consider them to be “less than capable”. Even taking into consideration the fact that she is a cultivator, you still need to look in order to see. At the time she still considered her empathy for her men to be a distraction at best. Something that she needed to learn to overcome.

Ichypa

Okay, but then what about the other cultivators that were with her, whom in Book 1 it was stated that she ordered to stay behind while Xiulan pursued Sun Ken on her own? Did they spend the at least several days that Xiulan spent in pursuit and then recovering at the Farm sitting around and doing absolutely nothing to recover the remains of their fallen, neglect to use their superior strength to move stuff aside or their superior senses to detect signs of life or cries for help? What about any other mortal soldier survivors, unless we’re assuming that they all died to a man and/or were buried beneath bodies and rubble, did they do nothing to look for their comrades and account for them, dead or alive? I could see this guy focusing all the blame on Xiulan in his anger and grief, but the actual logical series of events that would make how he describes things turning would require gross indifference, incompetence, and lack of human decency on the part of every disciple of the Sect EXCEPT Xiulan.

STORRM

i think every thing before "Hi Shin?” she asked." is a bit much to keep it upbeat. finding one of the dead alive is better then finding a bitter broken shell of a man. imo.

Dyllan Tô

If it wasn't for the potentially jarring tone shift I think this would be a much better ending

Chad Hagner

I'm glad you took this out, feels like it muddies the water for no reason. Her soldiers and their deaths are what makes Xiulan who she is and her resolve.

N0ct3m

because i NEEDED my allergies to act up again. Personally i think this should have been kept. maybe not as one big chunk, maybe dispersed through the chaprer. One surviving ESPECIALLY one she thought was dead, that just allows for reconciliation and redemption.

The butler did it

I really liked this ending, but it screams 'new character'. I'm half expecting her to drag him to Fa Ram for treatment. It is a bit much unless you add another subplot. It is very powerful; maybe have the meeting be from her POV and set his perspective aside as a backstory element for a time you want to introduce a side character who rallies the common folk of the sect for some reason.

Anonymous

Personally I prefer the one you went with. That version felt like a quiet capstone to Cai xiulans' emotional journey with her ptsd. This version feels like your introducing a new character which distracts from that

Ashlee Jacobsen

I agree with alot of the comments the original ending was good and this screws new character

Ish Man

the other ending was much better if you ask me...

Khent Mercer

I liked the chapter you finally went with. It was good and I enjoyed it. This ending however made me FEEL THINGS. I even agree with the other commenters about character bloat and distracting from the plot but I think you would do your story a true disservice by not including this emotional weight.

Truedragon5374

Its like they said in the Serenity movie, "a hero is someone who get other people killed". Even if that's not the case, normal people tend to die or get maimed around protagonists in droves. I like this ending because it actually addresses that fact. Not in your stories so much, but often the many people killed just to give a hero motivation seem to lose all relevance 3 chapters later.

Randall Brynsvold

This could be made canon, but it can't stand as a side moment. It reveals some (more?) bad things about her sect, and we'd have to go back to the particulars about the attack and ambush where he was wounded, and where everyone else went after that. If he did have reason to think he was abandoned (bodies and survivors not recovered) and had to find his own way home, however long it took, *and* Xiulan was not advised about this disabled survivor of her campaign (who really seems to hate her) when she arrived and when she checked on the widow and orphan payments, then there's something rotten in the sect leadership and organization (relative to her own morals and standards) that she will definitely have to expose and address, and the reasons for these discrepancies will have to be discussed/revealed. Perhaps it was assumed by the sect that he should be shunned until she arrived and she would decide his fate for his lack of deference. Her juniors, An Ran and the rest, would also have to be held to account for this, unless he arrived while they were also away (see the interlude with the Magistrate's son).

matthew gilley

While I LOVE this. It would be hard to have this and NOT write follow up where she takes the man to Mimi for healing.

Novel Cat

FULLY AGREE. Current perspectives makes a story more interesting and redemption arcs are always welcome in my book. Though, if he Did go then his presence would then have to be accounted for in the life of those in and around Fa Ram. Twould still be highly interesting though. Especially if MeiMei found a way to regrow his limbs while somehow increasing his affinity with Qi (possibly) by accident. A future leader of men built up from the ashes of defeat within a healing land surrounded by peaceful prosperity.