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P058: The Retarted (Patreon)

Published:
2023-11-10 13:00:04
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Anonymous

Will always love you Ben. And the the whole crew.

Anonymous

Boy please

BrooklynBorn

At least it’s not guess the loud plane golf.

Anonymous

Nothing like the fresh smell of R words in the morning

Anonymous

Definitely use the word retard way more than before I started listening. Taking to everyone I know well. Don’t regret a thing.

Ned

Friday mornings are for Mountain Dew and zyn

Anonymous

I’m gay

Anonymous

Patagoonia

Anonymous

Wish I could’ve been there brother 👊🏻

Anonymous

Revelation 2:9 KJV 9 I know thy works, and tribulation, and poverty, (but thou art rich) and I know the blasphemy of them which say they are Jews, and are not, but are the synagogue of Satan Gotta watch these slippery “Jews”

Max Childs

Called out of work time to chill with the Boyz

H37

Not sure why but it hasn’t updated on the rss yet…

Anonymous
>>121879096

Yeah, I’ve actually kinda been on this weird freedom fighter kick about saying the word retarded

ChopGlockShogun

Seven thirty fiiiive, bout that tiiime

FootFungus

Awesome, wont have to off myself today.

Anonymous

Made it about 20 minutes before they started crying about Palestine again.

Anonymous

Best episode title yet

manipulatemansplainmanifest

Ben the Jewish messiah is basically the antichrist. Their eschatology is that the Jewish messiah comes and then they rule over all of the gentiles who act as their slaves as long as they follow the Noahide laws (“oral” commandments from the Torah that were for some reason not written down…). Anyone who doesn’t is executed obviously. This article has some info about it. https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/history/articles/the-fate-of-gentiles The Muslim messiah in their end times also is essentially the Christian antichrist. It’s “Jesus” but he makes war against all the Christians and kills them (ie. the false prophet from Revelation who orders the execution of anyone who won’t worship the beast and take his mark) https://youtu.be/4Y7brGOAzBI?si=1fbVWPuKU3N3ckUR In terms of potential Jewish messiahs there was Bar Khoba in the second temple period who led a revolt against Rome around the time the temple got destroyed c.70AD and the Jews scattered throughout the Near East / Italy / presumably Khazaria where they converted the merchants / rulers we today call Ashkenazi who ruled that empire located in present day Eurasia. There were also the Sabbatean Frankists in the Early Modern period (I think 1600s or 1700s) who claimed that by acting like completely degenerates and practising sacrifice, incest, blood rituals and paedophilia etc. they could usher in the messiah. The most famous modern Jewish rabbi Kaduri left a note on his death bed to be read one year after his death…it said the messiah’s name was Jesus which sent lots of the Jews into meltdown and they still try to distort it to this day. And yes I think this is Reddit etc etc

Anonymous

This is truly the most religious I ever feel. Good work boys 🫡

manipulatemansplainmanifest
>>121881529

I imagine the Jewish messiah is most probably going to be someone who leads a one world government based upon AI making decisions. AI / “aliens” “alien tech” / demons they call “aliens” will be the first beast (the beast from the sea) in Revelation, and then the beast from the earth / false prophet will be their messiah, who enacts a totalitarian system of government based on AI / machine learning or whatever. Basically whoever completely cucks us all to be under the heel of the Jews forever is their messiah.

Anonymous

Need an Avery Slur-Plex tee

Adam Earls

Very good retards

Anonymous

Good morning Benjamin

Davy Jones Locker

If they Steven paddocked a Taylor swift concert they would start a civil war over guns it would be so awful. As much as I’d be for it, I’d kill the guy before he could do it “Nah, not today pal, I like your heart kid, but this is bigger than you,”

X__andy

Friday baby! thanks y'all!

Boy George Floyd

Ty for discussing the traumatic burntcruise video I shared on the LP reddit. This felt like cognitive reprocessing therapy for me and this ep stopped me from my plans of taking flight lessons and renting a jet and filling it with gasoline and fertilizer and flying it into bert cruise 2024. if anyone reading this has less to live for please consider it. You would be doing the world a favor! Allu Akbar retards

GLMT

love me some early morning slurs

Anonymous

I too laughed at the mariachi scene and I am unashamed.

Anonymous

Podcasting after 6 and waking up the baby. You don’t have the guts.

Anonymous

The Amy schumer bit had me fucking dying 😂

Anonymous

What an episode!!!!

Anonymous

the only thing Jace likes more than guzzling kool aid jammerz is when people send him reels on instagram

Michael Storino

The BALLS on Kosha Dillz to shout out Kanye. "Oh, that guy my people wiped from the face of the Earth for antisemitic remarks?? Yeah shout out to him."

Anonymous

Fully loaded diapers at sea

Anonymous

If only Bert’s cruise was held out at sea for 3 months from a false Covid test.

NotAfraidToPoop

In line for mac dougles picking up brekkie slapping LP!

manipulatemansplainmanifest
>>121900698

The success of some fat insecure washed up low testosterone beta male attention seeking fame chasing godless bloated unintelligent unoriginal coomer like Bert is emblematic of the necrosis of western society. Tom segura is also a massive faggot. Jace is on 2,700mg of Welbutrin administered intravenously three times a day and he’s still a million times the man that Bert Kreischer is. Someone once said the best argument against democracy is a two minute conversation with the average voter. I’d argue it is actually realising that there are people who exist who are fans of Bert Kreischer. Imagine being such a hollowed out shell of a human being that as a 50 year old man you have a podcast where you drool over your favourite porn stars and talk about your wife giving you oral sex. In a sane society Bert would be held up as a figure of ridicule and an example to people of how bad a human being can turn out if they go down the wrong path. There are few greater proofs of how satanic western society has become that an imbecile like Bert even exists. It’s satanic inversion because I think he actually could have been a good person if he hadn’t become such a faggot. Bert should be living a life like Homer Simpson and be known as a friendly character who is a devoted family man. Instead he pimps out his daughters and wife desperately sucking at the teat of fame in the hope that some J in Burbank will give him a sitcom and he’ll finally feel fulfilled as he bathes in the adoration of a million normies. We used to have drinkers like Oliver Reed and Peter O’Toole and Richard Burton, degenerates but at least they had some spirit. Now we have Bert. Sickening. The internet was a mistake.

Anonymous
>>121880931

I should be more clear. Jace in particular is crying about Palestine. Because he’s a massive cuck pussy.

Anonymous

Fully Loaded 2: Retard Boogaloo

manipulatemansplainmanifest

“A tomb to mediocrity” jace on Bert was brilliant. Bert bit was all round hilarious lol I love it when they mock these people very good very good

manipulatemansplainmanifest
>>121880931

Nah Jace is a legend probs my favourite out of the three tbf. I feel like he’s got less bluepilled normie takes as the year has progressed too

Anonymous

Would love to see Ben Lil B cook to both the original and current lemonparty intro songs.

comixbrainz zzz

Ben’s kid and Whitney Cummings child will grow up together and Ben’s kid will bully Whitney’s.

Sniggering

It’s been a tough week herding the minorities into the fields, but by gosh we need cotton and we will get cotton.

Tony

The Vikings kicker is Jewish. The coaches told him last week to pretend the football was a Palestinian child. He went 3-3 on field goal attempts. They won.

Anonymous

Saw the name and knew this would be a banger

Sniggering

Looking forward to wearing my lemon party hoody to the Christmas family dinner.

Skylar Gilbert

Kosha Dills bout to head up the Jew Tang Clan

Anonymous
>>121880931

Don’t know if I’d call the overly medicated actual retard host of the lemon party podcast a “legend”. But we all need people to look up to. I’m glad you found yours.

manipulatemansplainmanifest
>>121895946

Lol also the chutzpah (to use the Yiddish term) of depersoning Kanye and then using his own art form to gaslight him about how oppressed jews are.

Sniggering

I saw Ben when I was last having my uniform adjusted in Austria, he commended me on my honour brought to the fuhrer and said greatness is soon to come for the those who earn it.

manipulatemansplainmanifest
>>121880931

Lol I don’t look up to the lemon lads, I just think they’re funny. Taking SSRIs is mental but I rationalise it as who wouldn’t be depressed in 2023? The culture has imploded, it’s basically a dystopia at this point. Jace was meant to be out on the plains of west Texas shooting Comanche with a Winchester rifle and in later years solemnly overseeing local hangings of cattle rustlers. This Texan birthright was taken from him so he bangs a bit of Butrin now and then to take the edge off. I doff my cap to the man.

Anonymous

Omg so funny, this is a great one

Asher B

I was genuinely gonna do birth right before October 7th happened

Anonymous

That was one hell of a show

Anonymous
>>121881529

everything they do annoys me and I’m not a huge fan killing people. I think bad

Anonymous

You guys are hilarious. Yall are really, really funny. Nothing-to-lose energy FTW. Stay hungry.

Mathew Baker

Every time one of them says “yeah” snort another Xanax.

Anonymous

Jace would it kill you to be informed enough to discuss at least one topic and get a single fact correct? Would it pal? Would it kill ya? Worrying about researching liver kings health status. Jesus brother. I swear you might need Rosetta Stone. For English. Stop saying “yeah” constantly. And for fucks sakes can one of you sweet boys actually say something racist? Last week Jace pronounced Israel “Is-Rye-El”. Wtf man?? You will refer to them as Kikes or else I am taking away your racist cards. All of you!! Devan, you are a diamond and I love hate watch. The dynamic between you and that smelly douche Jonathan is fantastic. Is he still living in a pup tent in an office building? I worry about him. Anyways, Avery boys, do better and Jace, don’t forget to thank Tim Dillon and Ben for that completely outrageous Patreon that you have. Without those guys you would be podcasting from the bottom of a pool right now.

Anonymous

i need a Jayce obama ish warhol thing. id pay 4 that. if i spelled jayse wrong How would you like me to kill myself

Anonymous

Jayce Avery in… Falling Down

Anonymous

Angry Jayce is best. Whatever meds that he is on, he mentioned few podcasts ago (SSRI?) keep at it. Him doing a bit and shaking with rage as Devan chuckles nervously is the best thing. Best! I mean it will end in a suicide. But, great for the pod.

Nuggington
>>122002236

Yes, Jace is fat and gay, almost as gay as Jon from hate watch. Spending the time to type this on every episode makes you fat and gay also

Andrew Kline

Hilarious ep! New Redbar by the way. He grills Schulz for being cringe and a sellout

Jeff

Still can’t get over how perfect this episode title is. This will be what Ben is remembered for. A true magnum opus, served on a golden platter for a legion of hungry retards.

Jeff

How awesome would it be if Liver King destroys his liver from all the drugs and has to put out a video explaining how he needs a liver transplant.

Jeff

There’s a small, but very strong part of me that would love for Ben’s kid to be born with Down syndrome for the content and to hear him talk about his retarted kid. Sorry for the triple post I’m incredibly high and also retarted.

Anonymous

The jealous shitting on Bert, is not a good look. Makes you sound like bitter comics who didn't make it with their standup material.

Asher B
>>121959852

Why you keep deleting your original replies, keep that energy 😂

Anonymous

Nightcrawler had to be the cringiest ep you guys have made so far. That or the poker sketch I could easily blame my suicide on either

manipulatemansplainmanifest
>>121959852

Because I feel mean for telling you you’re a pussy for not fighting for Israel and I’m wary that a lot of the lemonheads are one insult away from blowing their brains out

manipulatemansplainmanifest
>>122186919

Poker sketch was elite. Night crawler they’re cucking us, i was watching it on the treadmill in the gym thinking am I actually listening to Ben’s chick fil a order here what has my life come to. At least Jace had the self awareness to acknowledge how tik tok cringe it was

Hack_es

One of the best episodes! Awesome how good the retarded bit was. Good new ending

manipulatemansplainmanifest
>>121959852

It is pretty cucked though that you’ll happily go to a country using US taxpayer money to drink some mani schevitz and sleep with some mizrahi girls but when it comes time to do a bit of shooty shooty bang bang you hide in America behind the US marines. Doesn’t it embarrass you knowing that if Israel was a white ethnostate of European Christian people for example that we’d be on the first plane over there to slot Palestinians because we are a martial people and have honour? Also don’t kill urself pls, if this upsets you then call your therapist or take a tab of Butrin (available from a local CVS near you)

Anonymous
>>122160138

Which is a fine opinion, now if you are an infinitely less successful standup shitting on Bert for half an hour, it would be a bad look.

manipulatemansplainmanifest
>>122160138

Bad barbie makes seven million dollars a year selling pictures of her deformed body on the Internet. Using popularity as an indicator of merit in 2023 is wild. In fact being popular in any entertainment feeld only increases the likelihood that the “art” you produce is trash. If Shakespeare was writing today not a single agent or publisher would offer him a book deal.

Anonymous

Im not saying at all that popularity equals quality, quite the opposite.

Anonymous

A podcast, so good that you’ll spend all your time listening to it. So good that you find yourself spending less time with your family From the moment I wake up, and every time I take a shit to the point where you’re having surroundsound speakers installed in your goon cave My wife left me because she said all I ever wanna do is listen to LemonParty and that magnificent retard Benjamin Avery Now I live underneath the freeway station, begging for somebody to play LemonParty on a speaker for me while I’m inside my Goon Tent

Anonymous
>>122002236

I can’t even read that. Would it kill you to throw in some indentation? Would it buddy?

Anonymous
>>121983843

Most people wash that down with Jack Daniels Good one Brother ✊🏻

Anonymous
>>121975820

Tell your mother to stay hungry I’m coming over late tonight

Anonymous
>>121920625

You mean that you were getting the back flap of your suit adjusted for Fuhrr Penetration

Anonymous
>>121916126

40 yr Old Virgin Steve Carrell lookin Ass 🍑👀 On my mama boi 😂👌🏿 🔥💯

Sniggering
>>121920625

Looks like another one for the gas chamber. Cmon in you get. *begins to jingle keys

Sniggering
>>121916126

It’s lovely you like movies, I’m sure you’ve seen many, as you drool into your gaming chair, and it’s lovely your mother has finally come out as trans but frankly I didn’t ask darling.

John Rico

This was a great episode. Is it possible to share with a friend?

Jack Forde
>>122160138

I’m mixed, I do laugh at some of the comics they shit on sometimes, but overall they’re mostly right on calling out comics that r only famous for their friends. I haven’t heard anyone else say hans kim isn’t funny and they’re 1000% correct.

Ari J

Not sure which comedian faked their whole persona and stories to seem more interesting….luis j or Bert?

Liam

Ben I have aids please help me