Nuts! ~ Ch.1 ~ Subdued (Patreon)

*** content warning: some depression & dysphoria ***

"Hey Coop!" my best friend grinned happily as she opened the door. "Come on in!"

"Hi Robyn," I replied quietly as I slipped past her and into the living-room of the little bungalow she shared with her two roommates. 

Despite being small it was actually a fairly nice place, I thought. It was an older house in an equally old part of town, just north of Town Line road. They had a good-sized backyard, and even though it backed onto a rail line there were hardly any trains these days. Best of all it was only a ten minute walk from the low-rise where I shared a two-bedroom apartment. 

She closed the door behind me then asked, "Want to hang out here? Or we could try the back yard?"

I hesitated, "I don't want to bother either of your roommates if they're around..."

Robyn shook her head, "Jordan's at work, she won't be back till eight or nine tonight. And Chloe moved out last month."

"Oh," I was surprised to hear that. And also a little disappointed. 

Chloe seemed like the nice one, I didn't feel too uncomfortable around her. Meanwhile Jordan usually made me sort of anxious. Maybe it was because she always called me by my real name, which I absolutely hated. Robyn knew how I felt about it so she stuck to my nickname, which was just a shortened version of my last name, Cooper. 

Meanwhile my friend responded, "Never mind, we'll go hang out in my room again. I know you're comfortable in there. And it's probably not warm enough to chill outside yet."

She was right on all counts there. I was most comfortable just hanging out in her room, even though it was kind of small and cramped. And we had some nice May weather, but it wasn't quite warm enough for sitting around outside. It wasn't bad if you were active though, like walking or moving around or something. 

"Want a drink?" she offered as we started back towards her room. 

I shook my head, "No thanks. Not right now anyways."

Robyn grabbed herself a can of soda then led me into her bedroom. She had a big comfy bed in there, squeezed up against the wall next to a window overlooking the neighbour's hedge. Her desk just barely fit in between the bed and the opposite wall, with a bookcase taking up the rest of the wall space on that side. The only seating options were the old office chair at her desk, or her bed. As usual, we both sat on the bed.

She was barefoot and sat crosslegged up by the pillows, while I sat closer to the foot of the bed and twisted slightly to face her. I watched as she had a couple gulps of her drink, then she reached over and set the can down on her desk for now. 

Finally she looked to me and asked, "Ok so what's up? You seem more subdued than normal."

"It's just the usual," I half-mumbled as I shrugged. "Thinking about quitting my job again."

She gave me a worried look, "What happened? Did your manager start giving you a hard time?"

I shrugged, "I had a bad day yesterday. Friday the thirteenth and all that I guess? But it's more than that. I think I'm just kind of done with it. I didn't spend three years at college so I could go the rest of my life working in a warehouse."

"Does that mean you've got something else lined up?" Robyn asked. She added hopefully, "Something in animal care, like you wanted from the start?"

"Not really," I replied, and her hopeful expression fell back down. 

"You're going to start applying again though, right?" she asked. "To local vet offices? Or something else in animal care? There's got to be demand around here, even if there aren't as many farms as there used to be I still see horses and stuff like that on the farms outside of town."

I sighed and shook my head, "I don't know. I'd like to do that, I've got the education and everything? But nobody wants to hire me. Not without experience in the field. And last time I tried applying at veterinary offices I didn't get a single interview. Nobody wants to hire an ugly loser like me."

Robyn frowned at me, "You're not ugly, ok? I know your hair's a little long and messy, and you always dress like you want to disappear into the background, but trust me when I say you're not ugly. If you put some effort into it you'd look really handsome."

For some reason hearing that just made me feel worse. All I ever saw in the mirror was a tall skinny ugly boring guy. My skin was pale, my lips were thin and I always thought my eyes were sort of beady-looking. My nose and chin all looked sharp and angular in a way that made my skin crawl. 

About the only positive thing was I always kept clean-shaved, because the only thing I hated worse than the mirror was the feel of whiskers on my face. I hated the rest of my coarse dark body-hair too, but I wasn't as aware of it when it was all hidden under my long loose dark clothing.

"Maybe we should take you out and try a make-over?" my friend suddenly suggested. "We could get your hair cut, get you some nice shirts. I bet you'd look really smart in a blazer or a sports jacket."

I cringed into my big black hoodie and shook my head, "That sounds like torture. Sorry Robyn, I know you're trying to be helpful but that's really not me."

She had another gulp of her soda then stared at me with a thoughtful frown for a bit before asking, "What would make you happy? What can we do to cheer you up?"

"I don't know," I shrugged again. "Just hanging out with you is enough. Sorry I'm such a downer though."

"You're not a downer Coop," she insisted. "You're my best friend. We've been friends for what, eight years now? I still remember when we met in grade ten math class. I just wish there was something I could do to cheer you up."

I gave her a sad smile, "Thanks Robyn. I'm sure I'll be fine, it's just a mood. Tell you what, if you want to order something in for dinner later it'll be my treat, ok?"

She rolled her eyes, "Dinner sounds nice but you're not fooling me ok? I'm going to find a way to cheer you up, that's my mission for this afternoon. You can treat me to pizza as a reward, after I succeed."

"Ok," I mumbled. "But you get pizza even if you don't succeed, because it's the thought that counts. And I really appreciate your friendship."

She gave me a warm smile, then a moment later she seemed to get an idea. She suddenly sprang to her feet as she put her drink back down on her desk. Then she stepped over to her bookcase and grabbed something off the shelf where she had all her cute little plushies on display. She returned to sit next to me on the bed again and asked, "You remember this, right?"

She held out her hand, revealing a tiny squirrel plush toy. It was small enough to hang on a keychain, it even had a little plastic clip attached to its back. The knitted plushie was a reddish-brown tone, except for the belly which was a creamy off-white colour. It had cute little ears and feet, a big puffy fluffy red tail, and its eyes were dark knots that seemed to sparkle when she held it just right. 

"Sure," I shrugged. "It was about this time last year, I remember you were trying to get a whole set of them out of that vending machine at the grocery store. I seem to recall loaning you a couple toonies because you ran out."

After a moment I added in a teasing voice, "I also remember you gave that one an absolutely ridiculous name."

"Hey!" Robyn acted all indignant, just like I thought she would. "Mrs. Nibbly is not a ridiculous name! She's an important character in a webcomic that's been around almost as long as us."

She waited a moment, and when it was clear I wasn't going to respond to that she asked, "Anyways what would you call her, since you're the expert on all things squirrelly?"

I reached out and carefully picked up the tiny plushie that she was still holding out in front of me. Then as I turned it over in my hands I replied, "She's obviously meant to be a red squirrel, and since we're in Canada we'll assume that means she's an American red squirrel. Not to be confused with the European red squirrel, which is a completely different species."

Robyn rolled her eyes, "I asked what you'd name her, I don't need a lesson in squirrel biology."

"The most common species of red squirrel around here is Tamiasciurus hudsonicus," I continued, ignoring her comment. "So I'd call her... Tamia? Or Tami? Or maybe Mia."

"Ooh!" my friend's eyes lit up as she grinned. "I like that last one. Mia would be a nice name. If that's what you're going to name her, then you may have her."

That caught me off-guard and I blinked then shook my head, "Wait what? No, you can't give me one of your plushies. It'll break up the set, you have a whole collection of them!"

"And plushies aren't really my thing anyways," I added. "My roommate gives me a hard enough time as it is, if he catches me with cute plush toys I'll never hear the end of it."

Robyn scowled, "You need to find a better roommate."

"Seriously, I wish you could just move in here," she pouted. "We need a new roommate since Chloe moved out last month. Jordan would never go for it though, she has a strict 'no boys' policy when it comes to roomies. And considering her name's the one on the lease, she kind of has final say about roommates."

I just nodded, and tried not to let on how it bothered me to hear stuff like that. I tried not to think too hard about why it hurt every time someone or something reminded me I was a guy, but it always did.

It actually hurt a little more than usual this time, since I'd have loved to be roommates with Robyn. And I was positive I'd fit in better and feel more comfortable living with a couple girls than I ever did sharing an apartment with Eddie. On the other hand I could sympathize with Jordan. I probably wouldn't be comfortable living with a guy like me either. And by probably I meant definitely. As in I was me and I already didn't like living with me.

Robyn must have seen the hurt in my expression or something, but she was always really observant about that sort of thing. She spoke up and changed the subject, before I could sink too deep into the painful thoughts.

"Anyways I think it's only fair that you take Mrs. Nibbly," she announced. "Or Mia I mean? I think you should take her home with you. Just promise to feed her plenty of nuts and make sure to brush her tail every night before bedtime."

I grimaced slightly then shook my head as I held out the plushie for her to take it back, "Sorry Robyn, I'm not brushing a toy squirrel's tail. And I'm pretty sure you don't do that either. For that matter I wouldn't even brush a real squirrel's tail, they know how to take care of it themselves."

She didn't make any move to accept the plushie, instead she just smiled at me. "Ok you got me, I don't brush her tail. But it is fun to pet, right? It's really soft. Try it!"

I slowly did as she said, then admitted "It's very soft, and it feels kind of nice."

That put a grin on Robyn's face and she said, "Promise me you'll feed her some nuts now and then, and she's all yours."

My cheeks coloured slightly as I started to accept that I probably wouldn't get away without agreeing to take the squirrel plushie with me. So I decided to play along, "I will feed her seeds. American red squirrels are granivores, so seeds make up the bulk of their diet. Not nuts."

My friend rolled her eyes again as she was about to call me out on being so pedantic, when her expression suddenly shifted. Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open, and the colour drained from her face as she stared down at me in shock.

"Holy shit," she mumbled to herself. Her voice started out quietly nervous but shifted towards panic as she asked, "Coop? Is that you? What the hell just happened?!"

I had no idea what got Robyn so uptight. I glanced around but nothing seemed to be out of order. I was sitting in the middle of her bed, perched atop my black hoodie which was ontop of my other clothes. I started to feel self-conscious though, about the way she was still gawking at me with her eyes wide and mouth hanging open. 

My tail wrapped around and grabbed it with my front paws as I hunched down so I could kind of hide my face behind it. I peeked through the fluffy red fur and stared up at her, and that's when I finally started to notice something wasn't quite right.

Robyn was still sitting on the bed same as me, but now she towered over me like some kind of enormous giant. For a moment I wasn't even sure how she could fit in the bedroom when she was that big, but after a quick glance around I realized her whole room was just as gigantic as her.

My own eyes were probably as wide as hers, and I let go of my tail as I looked around in wonder. Normally I stood about ten centimetres taller than her, but now it was as if my best friend had grown to be ten times my height. Like she had to be almost twenty meters tall, and her entire apartment had grown just as much.

I suddenly felt tiny by comparison, like I could probably fit in Robyn's hand if she wanted to pick me up. And I could definitely fit in her purse. And I had absolutely no idea why those were the first thoughts that jumped into my mind, or why they made my tail twitch with anticipation.

Even just the idea of riding around on her shoulder seemed pretty cool. So cool in fact that I really wanted to try it.

"Aaaah fuck!" she half-screamed as I basically ran right up her body while she cringed and jumped up off the bed. My little claws were easily able to hang onto her jean jacket though, and I darted over her left shoulder then ducked in beneath her long silky black hair. I went around behind the back of her neck then emerged on her right shoulder, with my tail still tucked back between her hair and her neck. 

By that point Robyn was standing with her back to her bookcase, she was all tensed up and frozen in a cringe. She slowly turned her head towards me, which brought our faces close enough together that our noses almost touched. 

"Coop?" she asked nervously. "Is that still you in there?"

I nodded, but when I tried to answer all that came out were some squeaks and friendly cooing sounds. And that's when it finally hit me. 

All my clothes were in a messy pile on the bed where I'd been sitting a few moments earlier, along with that little plushie I'd been holding. The red squirrel plushie with the cream-coloured belly.

One glance down at my own red fur and cream-coloured tummy confirmed what I'd only just realized. Robyn and her apartment hadn't got bigger, I'd become smaller. I was a little red squirrel, currently perched on my best friend's shoulder.

My tail twitched as I felt a little surge of joy run through my tiny body.