Retirement Plans - Ch.3 - Counting Down (Patreon)

*** content warning: descriptions of dysphoria, anxiety, depression, alcohol, disordered eating ***

I don't think I ever had a week pass by so slowly before. I felt like a kid counting down the days till xmas, and as each day crawled passed by I found it harder and harder to focus on anything other than the coming full moon.

The first three days after I visited Selene and her store I tried to spend my time at the piano. I played the same handful of pieces over and over, but by Monday I wasn't even really paying attention to them. Tuesday I couldn't even get my mind engaged enough to start playing anything at all. There was less than forty-eight hours left, and the only thing I could think about was the magic.

Both my cats knew something was up with me. They could sense my agitation, they could tell I was distracted and unfocused. Ludwig tended to just sit ontop of the piano and quietly watch me, while Wolfgang got into the habit of chasing me and attacking my feet and legs as I paced.

When he did, I helped him burn off energy with one of his favourite toys. Though I realized that was probably a bad idea, I was basically teaching him to claw my feet when he wanted me to play with him.

Still, it was a welcome distraction from the other distractions.

When I wasn't failing to play piano or playing with the cats, I was studying the contents of that manilla envelope. I must have read through the spell instructions a hundred times, but I was too anxious to actually memorize them. 

Likewise I reviewed the included ingredients dozens of times. There were two candles, one green and one white, and two cheap plastic candle holders. There was a square of parchment, a bag of dried herbs, a little baggie of fine grey powder, and a fancy pen similar to the one I used to sign Selene's contract. I also had a cereal bowl from my kitchen to burn the herbs in, and I purchased a lighter. 

I spent most of the day Tuesday alternating between staring at the piano without playing anything, staring at a book without reading it, pacing around my condo, and snacking because I was too fidgety and distracted to do anything else. 

That was a habit I really needed to break. I was going to get a magical reboot to my body and health, I needed to be careful not to ruin it again. Though I planned on being a lot more active this time around.

From time to time my pacing would lead me into the large washroom, and I'd stop and look at myself in the full-length mirror next to the door.

I actually tended to avoid the mirror under normal circumstances, but now I was almost drawn to it. I suspected that was because after the full moon tomorrow night I'd never see this reflection again.

I wasn't a tall man, but I had become a big man. And I never thought of myself as attractive, even in my youth. Honestly it felt almost painful seeing myself in the mirror, and I couldn't remember a time when that wasn't so.

I stood five-foot-eight, my hair was short and unkempt, and the colour was a dull lifeless grey. There was a prominent spot on top where it was thin enough to see my scalp, and if not for the magic I was planning to use I was sure I'd have a bonafide bald spot in the next year or two. 

My face was wrinkled now, I had more than my share of worry lines. I probably would have had even more wrinkles than I did, but the extra padding helped hide some of them. There was a roll under my chin and extra weight visible in my cheeks. My skin was naturally fair but usually mottled with red, either from stress or exertion.

I hadn't bothered dressing so all I wore was a pair of old pyjamas. They were tight around the waist and the buttons along my midsection were strained. 

After looking at myself for a few seconds, I tried to picture how I looked in my early twenties. That was the age I'd be aiming for with the spell, when my health was at its peak.

My hair was a light sandy brown back then, and I remembered letting it get quite long at one point. It didn't really suit my face though so I usually tended to keep it trimmed short. Without the wrinkles and the fat, my face was more angular and I had a much stronger jaw line. I knew some people thought that was important on a man, but I always rather hated it. 

I had thin pale lips, and even in my youth my eyes were a sort of dull brown colour. My nose always seemed too big to me, and I had the same unibrow back then that I still had now. The only difference was now it was grey and wiry.

I always kept myself clean-shaven. I hated facial hair as much as I hated my 'strong jaw line' and my big angular nose. 

As my eyes drifted downwards over my body again I tried picturing what it looked like back then. I hadn't been fat at that age, but I couldn't remember actually liking anything about my body even then. The fat didn't make things worse, it just gave me something different to dislke.

I remembered having a lot more body hair back then. Now it was thin and wispy and easy to overlook. I remembered having some well-defined muscles thanks to the sports I once participated in, but the thought of getting those muscles back didn't exactly fill me with joy. I didn't like being fat, but I wasn't as excited about returning to my young body as I thought. 

Not that I was having second thoughts. I ignored the stuff I didn't like about my body back then, I could ignore it again now. Much more important was getting back my youth and losing all this weight. I'd be active again like I once was, and I'd get out and enjoy life. That's what this was about.

And maybe along the way, I'd find some ways to improve those parts of my body I didn't much like. I knew there were treatments to get rid of body hair. Maybe there was even a permanent solution to facial hair. I wasn't sure I'd go so far as getting cosmetic surgery to smooth out the harsh lines in my face, but I could certainly afford it and I had the time. It was something to think about anyways.

I finally moved away from the mirror. Old or young, I didn't like my reflection and I didn't want it to bring me down any more than it already had.

In the end I opened a bottle of wine, got some cheese out of the fridge and opened a box of crackers, then parked myself in front of the TV. I queued up something on the streaming service, and spent the rest of the day binging. In more ways than one.

Wednesday morning I woke up laying on the sofa, and I felt miserable. Both cats were curled up on top of me, which was the only thing that felt nice.

I was slightly hung over and sick to my stomach, and I felt guilty and angry with myself. I knew I had to stop doing that sort of thing. I wished it was Thursday already. Then I'd be able to go out and jog, or I'd head over to the bike shop and buy a bicycle and hit the trails. 

A quick glance at the clock told me it was eleven in the morning. Only thirteen more hours to go until midnight. 

I forced myself to spend the day distracting myself doing fun things. I spent time with my cats, I played the piano. And I made myself a proper meal for dinner.

After that I decided to have a shower. The spell instructions didn't say anything about it, but I figured it would be good to be cleaned up before doing the magic. Like the mirror, showering was another thing I didn't much enjoy. Old or young, fat or fit, it forced me to confront a body I wasn't happy with so I tended to just focus on the task and get it over with as quickly as possible.

When I was done and dried off I got back into the same old pyjamas, then I put the coffee machine on and settled down on the sofa to watch some TV as I counted down the last few hours. I kept one eye on the clock and set a reminder on my phone as well. 

At eleven forty-five I turned off the TV and tidied up a bit. I could have done the ritual right there on the coffee table in front of the sofa. Or I could have sat down at the dining table, or done it at my desk. 

Instead, I decided to do it seated at my piano. I felt since music would be a significant part of my new life it was a nice bit of symbolism. I closed the cover over the keys and set up the ingredients there as I sat on the bench. The spell instructions were placed on the shelf in front of the sheets of music I was playing earlier.

Just before I could get started, Ludwig jumped up onto the piano to investigate and I realized I needed to get him and Wolfgang out of the way for now. The last thing I needed was one or both cats interrupting when I was at a critical step of the spell.

I grabbed Ludwig and found Wolfie and picked him up too, and carried them both into my bedroom. I left them on the bed then shut the door behind me as I made my way back out, then returned to my place seated before the piano.

Step one was to light the green candle. Everything I'd read warned me that these 'magic candles' smelled bad, but I wasn't prepared for just how awful they really were. I nearly gagged at the stench that came off the candle, but I forced myself to keep going.

Step two had me use the green candle to light the white one, and Gods help me that smelled even worse. The white candle was used to light the herbs in my cereal bowl, and thankfully they smelled nice enough to counteract the stink coming off the candles.

I carried on with the instructions, passing the pen through the flames of the green candle then the white one, and finally the smoke coming off the herbs. After that, I stabbed the tip of the pen into my thumb and watched as my blood flowed up onto the nib.

The first critical step had me writing out in my own blood a square of sixteen magical words on the parchment. The words went down in a particular order, which I followed precisely. 

One odd thing I noticed was the spell didn't include any step where I would specify my desired age. I thought maybe I'd have to write it down or say it aloud or something, but there was nothing like that. So when I finished writing out the words, I sort of addressed the parchment and said quietly, "I'd like to be twenty-four years old."

Then the grey powder was dumped on the burning herbs, and that produced a flare of pink flame and a plume of thick smoke.

The penultimate step required me to pass the parchment over the green candle then the white one, and finally I waved it through the thick smoke coming off the herbs.

For the last step I had to read those sixteen words aloud, in a very specific order. As with the writing, I followed the order precisely as I spoke each word. As soon as I'd uttered the final word, there was a flash of light and the parchment was gone. Another flash of light accompanied the disappearance of the pen, and a third flash saw the bowl of smouldering herbs vanish.

There was a longish pause during which my heart was pounding, then with one last brilliant flare of light everything went black.

• • • • •

I found myself in bed as I drifted awake. There was bright sunlight coming in the window, and two happy contented cats sleeping alongside me.

I was curled up on my side like my cats, and as much as I hated to bother them my heart was racing with excitement. I needed to get up and see how I looked, I had to see the result of the magic. I moved carefully so as to minimize the disruption to Ludwig and Wolfgang, and I managed to slip out of the bed without bothering them too much.

Rather than spoil the surprise I purposefully didn't look down at myself. In fact I kept my eyes closed as I tiptoed into the bathroom. I could already tell I was a lot lighter on my feet. I felt nimble and the way my body moved felt almost dancelike, especially the way my hips seemed to roll or sway with my steps. 

As I moved into the bathroom I was aware of some unexpected jiggling sensations, along with some odd feelings I couldn't quite place coming from the top of my head and my lower back. I tried not to let myself grow too worried yet, but I couldn't shake the slight doubt that maybe the magic hadn't solved all my health problems after all.

I didn't bother with the light-switch, I left the bathroom door open and that would allow enough sunlight in from the rest of the condo. Once I was stood in front of the full-length mirror I took a deep breath, then opened my eyes for my first look at my younger self.

Then I closed my eyes and took another deep breath, because that couldn't possibly have been right. I looked again, and this time I just stared.

Staring back at me was a cute young naked... Catgirl?! 

She had short black hair in a cute bob style, brilliant light-green eyes, and flawless fair skin. Narrow shoulders, smooth slender arms, a narrow waist and wide hips, and slim shapely legs. Her boobs were perfectly proportioned to her body, slightly small and perky. 

At the top of her head, poking up out of her black hair were two large furry triangular ears. They were dark grey on the outside and light grey on the inside, with black fur at the tips. And swishing back and forth behind her in agitation was a long furry tail, patterned with alternating bands of black and grey. 

The catgirl stared back at me with a look of shock on her face. After a full minute of just staring, she finally opened her mouth and in a cute voice asked, "Nyaa?"