Reincarnated - Ch.9 - Overwhelmed (Patreon)

I rolled over again and stared at the clock on my bedside table. It was just past midnight, and I couldn't sleep.

I'd been trying for two hours now but I couldn't relax. My mind was going back and forth over everything we talked about. Jason... Melissa was here till about ten, and I was overwhelmed, exhausted, drained. I apologized and said I needed to get some sleep, and he...she understood.

Now I regretted it. I should have put on a pot of coffee or something and just powered through it rather than send my friend away.

I was freaked out and anxious. I didn't know what name to use, I didn't know what pronouns to use. My whole mental image of my best friend was sort of in flux and I was terrified of doing it wrong, either saying or thinking the wrong thing. But I'd been too tired and stressed to ask the right questions. 

I felt guilty because I just put my mom and best friend through this less than a week ago. I hit them with my new name and new pronouns and they both accepted it and didn't make a big fuss or anything.

And I also felt guilty that I was the one who got this miracle in the first place. My wish got granted and I was the hot girl but I was completely clueless about all the important stuff around it. The trans stuff that my friend was trying to explain to me. My best friend wanted the same thing, but he or she was smart enough to actually look into it and research it and everything. My best friend deserved this way more than I did.

One thing I was hanging onto was that Lily said she could do this for Jason. Or Melissa. We just had to figure out the logistics of it, like what to tell people, how to explain it.

So there I was, dead tired but wide awake. Laying in bed trying to sleep but my mind kept spinning over and over through everything. 

I started toying with the idea of checking Discord to see if he...she was online, when Lily spoke up.

"Mara," her tone was polite but insistent, like there was something important on her mind. "It is time you and I had a talk."

"That sounds kind of serious?" I replied quietly. "Is everything ok?"

She replied, "It is past midnight now, and this is Saturday morning. This is the seventh day since we made our agreement."

I frowned, "What does that mean? Is something wrong?"

"It means it's time for me to tell you everything." 

She almost sounded nervous now, or apologetic.

I sighed, "Lily you're worrying me. Is this going to be bad news?"

She sighed as well, "That will depend on how you take it. I'm hoping you will keep an open mind, and consider our time together over the past six days."

"Ok," I nodded slightly. "I'll try to keep an open mind."

"Thank you Mara," she replied. There was a pause, as if she was collecting her thoughts or something. Then she began.

"As you and Melissa discussed on Sunday, our agreement last week was made under duress, and you were unaware of all the details of what you were getting into. There are certain...rules which govern some aspects of my power. One of them means that agreements like ours are only temporary. They can only stand for seven days. Our agreement was made at a few minutes past six o'clock last Saturday evening. If we do nothing, then at that time today our deal will come to an end. I'll return to my endless slumber, and the body I've given you will vanish. Your soul will move on to whatever awaits."

My heart was pounding and my eyes wide as I lay motionless in bed. 

It took me a few seconds to respond, then I whispered "I'm going to die again? Then what?"

"Then nothing," she replied. "You will be dead, and I will be imprisoned once more within my amulet."

I gulped, "There's a way to stop that though right? Something we can do to save us both?"

"Yes Mara," Lily answered. "We can enter into a permanent agreement. A pact. But..."

There was a slight pause, before she continued "I cannot coerce you or trick you into it. I have to tell you the truth, about who and what I am, so you understand fully what you're getting into. So you understand both of our roles, what you'd be getting from me and what I'd be getting from you."

"Ok?" I whispered. "Is it going to be something terrible?"

"Just try and keep an open mind," she reminded me. 

Lily took a deep breath and confessed, "I am what your kind refer to as a demon. I don't live in 'hell', I don't work for a 'devil' or a 'satan' or any of that nonsense. That's all religious make-believe, as far as I know. I'm basically a supernatural creature, and I live here on Earth. But humans are frightened of those like me, so they come up with scary stories and find reasons to hate me. I don't consider myself 'evil', nor do I think of myself as 'good'. Those are human constructs. However, many humans think of me as 'evil' because I am different, because they are scared of me, and because I don't adhere to human morals."

After a brief pause she added "Um, think of it like a cat? Cats are predators, they kill and eat smaller creatures. Mice, birds, and so on? Does that make a cat evil? Some humans might say so, particularly if they like mice or birds. But the cat is simply doing what it does. It's being a cat. It doesn't see itself as good or evil, it's just following its nature. Do you understand?"

My heart was pounding again, but I was trying to keep an open mind. Neither my mom or me were religious, we didn't go to church or any of that stuff and I definitely didn't want to be prejudiced against someone just because they were different. On the other hand, hearing Lily admit she was a demon did kind of freak me out. Jason...Melissa was right after all, when he...she freaked out about me making a deal without knowing what I was doing.

Except now Lily was coming clean. I had a chance to get out of the deal, but that would mean I went back to being dead. Or I could enter into a pact. With a demon.

I took a couple deep breaths then asked softly, "Ok um... So if you're the cat, what do you prey on?"

Lily sounded almost as anxious as I felt when she replied, "Souls, mostly."

She added quickly, "Not just any souls though. You're safe Mara. So is your mom, so is Melissa. I would never harm you or anyone dear to you. Ok?"

I nodded slightly but was still a little too freaked out to respond.

Lily still sounded anxious as she continued, "I said 'good' and 'evil' are concepts that don't really apply to me? But I'm aware of them. Because the souls I take are the 'evil' ones. People who've done awful things..."

There was another little pause, then she began to explain the terms of our agreement.

"Since I was destroyed and trapped within the amulet, I need to be bound to a living soul in order to act and access my power. That's where you come in. You're a good person Mara. Even facing your own death you worried more for your mother than yourself. You've appreciated my gifts, but you've never been greedy about them. If you enter into a pact with me, I will continue to help you like I've done so far. And through you, I can help your mother. Melissa too. In return, I need to be able to feed so that I can grow stronger."

"My goal is to eventually free myself of my prison, and with your help I may someday be strong enough to do so. That means I will be finding and feeding on evil souls. I don't need a lot. One or two a month is enough. I'm not talking about hurting good people. I'm talking about murderers and rapists, and your modern equivalent of greedy tyrants and malevolent despots."

My heart continued to race as I listened. My emotions were sort of all over the place, I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. It sounded good on the surface, getting rid of evil people. But at the same time that itself sounded kind of evil. Like, killing bad guys was still killing. 

I also thought about her cat analogy, and that reminded me of nature documentaries and stuff, how the predators would take out the old or the sick or the injured, but the rest of the herd would be stronger. When it was lions or tigers or cheetahs or whatever it wasn't evil, and it kind of benefited the prey collectively even if it was shitty for the ones who got eaten. 

So maybe Lily was sort of making the world slightly better overall, by culling the nasty ones. It was shitty for the ones who'd get eaten, but if it made things better for everyone else, maybe that meant the 'good' outweighed the 'evil'.

"I don't know," I finally said. "It's a lot to take in."

"I know Mara, and I'm sorry." Lily sounded apologetic. "A few final points. You recall I didn't want you to take off my amulet? That's because putting it on signified your acceptance of my initial offer. If you removed it that would end the agreement prematurely. You'd die immediately and I'd return to my prison."

That sent a shiver through me, but I was glad I only tried to take it off that one time, and doubly-glad she stopped me.

"If we form a permanent pact," she continued, "You won't need to keep wearing it. In fact it will vanish, but my mark will appear directly on your body instead, to indicate our bond. It would be like what you call a tattoo."

"Um, ok?" I didn't really know how to react to that.

"You do not have to make a decision right now. But we shouldn't leave it too late. If you could come to a decision by noon today, that would be ideal. Technically we have until around six o'clock in the evening, but I'm anxious not to let it get so close. Bear in mind that if we do nothing, you will die and I will return to my eternal slumber. I would prefer that does not happen, but it is entirely up to you."

"Ok Lily. I'd uh, say I was going to sleep on it but I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep. There's a lot on my mind now."

"I'm sorry," she apologized again. "One final thing, I promised I'd tell you my full name. Among humans I'm properly known as Lilith... But there are quite a few legends involving that name and all I can say is don't believe everything you read. Most of it's not true."

After another brief hesitation she added, "As for my full name, I ask that you do not repeat it or share it with anyone else. I trust you alone with it, Mara. My true name is Azatholilitoth."

I'd read enough fantasy books and seen enough shows and stuff to know that was a big deal. At least if all the stories and stuff were true, knowing a demon's true name gave you power over them. 

"Thank you," I replied quietly. "I won't repeat it. I'm uh, just going to keep calling you Lily if that's all right?"

"Thank you Mara," she sounded like she was smiling. "And I'm happy to be called Lily."

After another couple minutes I whispered, "I have some more questions. So if I do this pact thing with you, is it forever? And once we do that, you'll help my mom like you said earlier? Like a new house and car and stuff so she doesn't have to work? And what about my friend, you'll give uh, Melissa a miracle too?"

Lily answered, "The pact is for life. And I can promise you a long and healthy life with me there protecting you. And yes, I will be able to help your mother like we discussed. I'm almost ready to do that, some time in the next few days perhaps."

"As for Melissa," she added, "I am willing to help her too. I would have to discuss the details of that with her though, and it would be up to her whether or not she wanted to share those details with you."

"Ok," I nodded slowly. "Thanks Lily. I'm going to try again to get some sleep, and figure this out in the morning."

"All right Mara," she replied softly. "Good night."