My Squire and Me; Part 1 (Patreon)

“How’s that?” he asked me excitedly.

He’d just put the arrow on the mark. It was the tenth time in a row and I could tell my young friend was pleased with himself. And so he should be, he was very talented.

“Well met, Cassie. Your accuracy is something to be proud of, but that’s not the scope of this exercise.” I reminded him. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Yes, yes; imbuement of light and all that. Visualize, focus, control and unleash!” he giggled, imitating my voice and timber. I just shook my head and pointed again at the makeshift targets.

“Since you know, get it right this time.” I chided, trying to sound as stern as I could. It was very hard to do with Cassie smiling up at me.

Cassius, or Cassie as he preferred to be called, was a lovely young lion of Pride Assyrius, out of Lioncourt's Assyrian Province. Both a royal and a noble, the young man was the youngest son of Archduchess Ariella Assyrius and younger sibling to my milk brother, Glendriel Assyrius. We’d known each other for quite some time.

The lordling's smile was infectious and inviting. I could name very few kinling, man or woman as attractive as Cassie. The boy's face, body, and even his voice were as effeminate as a lass; and most would not be able to tell him apart from one. His large, expressive eyes were koromiko gold, like the sun just before setting over the valley.

His pretty, yellow, face was the color of wild rice, with darker gold markings over and under his eyes like the xanthous leaves of a tulip tree. A small, pink nose adorned his muzzle, and he always used a bit of powder to highlight his inviting lips. For one that had long ago felt great shame and anger at his less than masculine appearance, Cassie now leaned into his femininity as a matter of pride.

I stood away from my squire and asked him to try again, this time keeping an eye on more than just his stance and form. Activating my arcane abilities, I used the kirlian eye to watch the flow of mana around him as he readied himself for another loose of an arrow.

Focusing intently on the boy, I watched as he drew upon his own spirit well and grabbed hold of the power within. That power became a beacon as he called upon the ambient mana around us to aid in his imbuing.

I watched closely as the mana halo began to glow around the pupil of his eyes and the wind began to slowly pick up around him. His hair, half the color of golden sand, half the color of cedar, which he wore up in a ponytail off to the right side of his head, began to frazzle a bit as the energy he summoned came together. Like he’d been taught, he drew upon this energy and directed it to his center, where his will could be imposed upon it. From there he transferred the energy from himself to his arrow and it took on the imbuement of light, shining brightly in the dim woods. He was ready to let go.

Grinning, he winked at me; before shaking his rear back and forth. I had been watching him closely and despite knowing that I was not observing his generously curvaceous hips and backside, he still wanted to draw my attention to it. The kid was shameless in his flirting. He’d come of age only a few months before and had been determined in letting me know it. Having been his Knight’s Master for several months now, I was used to his enticements. To his chagrin, I said nothing.

Disappointed in my lack of comment, if not my perceived lack of interest, he loosed his arrow and it went screaming toward the target at a speed almost faster than an eye could blink. It crashed into the dummy made of wood and hay, causing golden light to first explode out from the impact, before tendrils of energy flared out and sent dust, wood shards, and debris in all directions. Had we been near we’d have been peppered up nicely with the detritus. Anyone looking directly at it without aid of some kind of eye protection or in our case, ocular enchantment, would surely be seeing spots.

Whistling, Cassie blew a kiss to the obliterated target, or what was left of it, and turned to me and bowed.

“And how was that, master?” he asked with a self satisfied smile. I could only shake my head and shrug.

“Impressive, but again, not the point of this exercise.”

Reaching out I asked the young lion for the bow. He huffed, petulantly, but complied. Stepping aside with a theatrical bow and gesturing with his hands for me to ‘show him how it was done', the lovely lion smiled at me expectedly.

If he needed another demonstration, then demonstrate I would. He was my squire afterall.

Anybody could train one as talented as him to be an effective knight and mystic archer. He had the talent. I however expected more from the boy. For I knew his skills, his desires, and ambitions. I also knew his bloodline. He was capable of much more.

I may not be a better archer than Cassie, for that was not really the focus of my training. I was beyond proficient, perhaps even close to a master; but I wasn’t the young lion's grace. I may have started him down the path of archery, but he’d long since surpassed me in that skill long ago. No. My talent was for the arcane. And in that, he had far more to learn.

Focusing as he had, I drew upon the quintessence within me. My quintessence, my individual core of mana was then suffused with the element I wished to imbue. The suffusion gave me clarity, power, as well as a sense of oneness with myself. With that it was easy to draw upon the wild mana around me to bolster my arcana. I drew upon the element of light as mana gathered within the core of my soul. I then focused on that power, assigning my will and then imbuing it into the arrow in which I’d readied. I said nothing as I opened my eyes and looked directly at Cassius. Then, before he could get in a witty word, I released.

The arrow of light flew off like a stream of energy, shooting through the target and disintegrating the top half of it in a perfect curve of the circular beam. Trees, rocks, terrain, anything that was even remotely near the beam of light suffered the same fate, before it crashed into my true target off several hundred yards in the distance; a large obsidian rock we’d passed on our trek just a few hours earlier.

Like when Cassie’s arrow had hit its mark, the rock was engulfed in light. Unlike my apprentice's volley, only the top half of the rock suffered the disintegration; leaving half the stone rent in a smooth circular indentation. The light collapsed in on itself and there was no debris anywhere to be seen. The lesson I thought was obvious.

“Control Cassie, control...” I instructed.

I tossed the bow back to the young lion and told him to try again.

Again with the bow in hand, my apprentice drew an arrow. Standing close I placed myself at his back and lifted my hand to guide his arm.

“Aim, talent, ability... this is not your issue.” I whispered as I again used my ocular enchantment. This time I was not looking at him, but down at the target. He too activated his kirlian eye and looked down the sights created by the head of the arrow.

“Breathe,” I instructed. And he breathed.

I then told him to visualize the energies within him. To sense the different elemental affinities inside. Cassie’s primary affinity, wind, was powerful. To see it within him it was a teal color. Also within him was tendrils of white, the second most prominent; his light element and finally yellow light that represented his lightning affinity. His well was deep. Deeper than most. Something I attribute to his Elioudan blood, as his ancestor, Hayder, had been an ascendant. One of the Eternians in the Leodian pantheon.

It was another thing the two of us shared in common. My ancestor, Athrun, had been uplifted by Leodin the same as his brother Hayder during the beginning of the Age of Eternians. We elioudan are the mortal line of those would be gods.

Some, like Cassie and myself, have a strong connection with the bloodline; granting us deeper spirit wells, physical and arcane attributes the likes of which the average kin were not blessed with, and of course in theory, longer lifespans. By how much no one knew. It was different from elioudan to elioudan. Though it was said those of the past lived as long as the ascended races, such as the Leverin and the dragonborn.

Others, well, others were not so fortunate. Sure, their arcane attunement was higher than that of the average kinling, but they lacked the blessings and boons that others of our kind enjoyed. So too were they free of its burdens. A burden of power and responsibility over that power which it was now my duty to impress upon my impetuous young squire. It was my fondest wish that I would. Cassie’s deserved expert instruction and I was still unsure that I was the best qualified to give it to him.

Unfortunately it was too late for me to have reservations on that accord. I accepted the young man as my squire and he was now under my charge. I knew I had to do my best for him.

“In spite of our ever complicating relationship...” I thought, as he pressed the sizable cheeks of his backside into me. The mounds of flesh and fur seemed barely contained by the tight leather trousers he wore.

I felt his tail wrap around me as his body relaxed. He began to hum a little as he stood straight and I could feel his focus as he assigned his intent to the arcane power broiling inside of him. Without a word he loosed his arrow and it shot out in a beam of light.

Like my volley before him, his projectile streaked across the forest obliterating all in its path. It took the head of the third makeshift target dummy and went on. It went through rocks and threatened to shoot right through a tree. I went to say something, but Cassie reached out with his hand and the missile curved, going around the tree, dodging other foliage and even barely missing a feral beast bounding through the overgrowth.

After a moment that seemed to last forever, but was less than two breaths’ time, the arrow crashed into the same rock I’d hit and engulfed it. The explosion was much larger than mine, but it didn’t spread out, instead collapsing in on itself and drawing a few bits of detritus into the vortex of light it created. After a flash and a fizzle, it disappeared leaving not the rock, but a small spherical rent in the ground. I was actually impressed.

“Well, that’s what I like to see. I knew you could do it...” I complimented Cassie.

I would have said more, but my mouth found itself occupied as Cassie threw his arms around me and placed his lips to mine. His kiss was warm and passionate as he pulled me down closer to him by the neck.

For a moment, I did nothing. I was simply surprised. It hadn’t been the first time the two of us had shared such intimacy. In fact, we’d recently done much more than just kiss. A fact that I was still feeling a bit guilty about. Cassie was a beautiful lion. Any man or woman would be lucky to have his affections and even given the nature of our relationship as Knight’s Master and Squire, I could not see many spurning his advances. I however had reservations. Many reservations. Most had little to do with him or his attractiveness.

Slowly I pulled away. Not quite extricating myself from his embrace, just moving enough to break the kiss.

“Cassie...” I began. Unsure of what to say.

His smile was affectionate and I could see the love he had for me in his eyes. I knew his feelings. I had always known; even if I had dismissed them when he was young. Cassie had been enamored with me since he was but a cub.

The boy credited me with the eye opening revelation that he did not need to be the kind of lion his father or brothers had been. Despite the traditionalist notion that lion males should all be tall, hardy, and maned, that he could be his own man. I had assured him that plenty of women and even men would appreciate his looks and that he should not be ashamed of it. Back then, I had not known just what i'd sparked deep in the Assyrian lion’s heart; but it would soon be obvious when we next met.

In letters, Glendriel always told me that Cassie asked about me. He informed me of the boy's growing confidence and embracing of his femininity. No longer did the teasing and insults of the other boys get him down. No longer did he cut his hair and dirty his face to appear more the man to those who judged him too girlish. He’d even begun dressing in a way that accentuated those features and eventually grew to a teenager who made men and women both jealous and desirous of him. I’d been so proud.

He’d told me honestly of his feelings when we next met. Years had gone by and I had not seen his growth for myself. He had been confident that when he was old enough, he would show me his gratitude and affections. I was little more than sixteen at the time and did not take the words of a twelve year old cub seriously; but as time went on, he consistently made his intentions plain. Though I would not see it for what it was. Not until recently.

“Cassie... please.” I said again, this time softer. A pang of guilt in my heart.

My first love and the love of my life had both escaped me. Both had found themselves away from my affections and into each other's arms. Though soul shattering, I knew it was a small hell of my own making.

Cress Andola, my first, was a young man a lot like Cassius. Thin, effeminate, and handy with a bow. I had thought him a girl when we first met, and sought to stand up for him against those who bullied him. I quickly learned that though he lacked confidence in his studies in skills at the Knight's Academy, he had poise as a lover. One would not think I could be wooed and pursued as if a shy little lamb, but that had been the case. I'd never even considered a male lover before him.

In him I found the first true love of my life, though little older than fourteen, I assure you my feelings were as genuine as they were intense. I was crushed when he informed me that we could not continue to see each other. His family was new to the peerage and wished for him to marry a lady of nobility to solidify their place within the gentry. I'd be lying if I said I took it well.

Next was Luna-Vega Mercurius. A beautiful raven haired mage I'd met after I'd run away from the capital. We shared a summer of adventure and passion, and I believed that she could mend my broken heart. Unfortunately that was not to be. Our disperate paths in life would not allow it. She had dreams of being an Archmage, and following in the footsteps of her ancestors as representatives of the Magus Librarium. I, the son of a Duke, am destined to one day inherit my fathers title, and Luna did not think she could be a lord's wife and an influential Archmage as well. I knew the Librarium stood apart from the monarchies of all Kingdoms in Theria. So, once again I was left holding my heart in my hands.

The last had been the most painful. The one that I am most certain was my soul mate. Aritrea Eridanus. My dear Ari. To even speak her name fills me with a pain that threatens to crush my heart, body, and soul.

I'd known her as long as I'd known Cress. We'd met the same day in fact. She'd been one of the girls bullying the poor boy in the academy courtyard. I recognized her as the daughter of Harlem Eridanus, heir to Eridani Fields, and Captain of the Kingsguard. I knew of her mother, Porsha Eridanus, the Silver Sword. Like her husband, a member of the Kingsguard and believed to be the finest sword in all of Lioncourt. A boast I do not believe to be untrue, as I'd seen her push my mother to her limits during a duel. A feat few, if any, can match.

Pride Eridani are vassals to Pride Assyrius, so in my youth in the Assyrian capital, Naveah, I'd seen Aritrea along with her younger sister Camden; they were friends with the Assyrius daughters; Ashina and Sophira. All were older than Glen and I, so I had spent much time in their presence. That changed at the Academy.

My time their had been spent fawning over Cress, so I had not known of her feelings for me then. I could not get over our first meeting and her reputation as a spoiled brat and bully; though I later came to know that she worked hard to better herself in that regard.

After my travels and apprenticeship, I was knighted and sent back to Lioncourt to fulfill my obligations as a knight of the realm. Of course I took my post within my own lands as a member of the Border Legion, where I was surprised to find Aritrea had taken the same post after squiring under my mother of all people.

It was as if I'd seen her for the first time then. She was nothing like I remembered. Gone was the sense of entitlement and selfishness that I'd once associated with her. Ari was far removed from who she had been at Leonardht. She was charming, thoughtful, dutiful, and funny. Her sarcastic wit was something that always brought a smile to my face.

I'd heard she'd been courted by some young noble, but she assured me that that acquaintance was over. So without reservation my interest grew. I will not say I did not love Cress or Luna, or even Ashara as a cub, for I know love as well as I know the weight of my blade; but Aritrea was different. She had been the one. Of that I'm sure.

I thought, for a time, we could be happy. Together with her my life was sunshine on the cloudiest of days. When I found out that Cress was also a member of my company, having been gone for months with the Forward Recon Scouts, I was ecstatic. Though our romantic relationship had fizzled and died, I still cared for him, and with Aritrea by my side, my heart had well mended. The two of us were able to become fast friends again; but that's when everything went to hell.

After months of strange behavior and happenings, Cress approached me for advice. He'd said that the woman he'd been wooing and planned to ask to marry had spurned him. She'd apparently been avoiding him for months. Unwilling to pry into his love life, I hadn't known anything about the object of his affections, for I feared feeling jealous of whomever had earned his appreciation. My entire world crumbled to ash when I found out Aritrea had been that noblewoman.

It was a terrible situation and I was caught in the middle. I would not be lying if I said I considered just telling Cress to give up on Ari. I wished for her to be mine. I thought she wanted it too, but I couldn't stand to see the pain in Cress' eyes. He was in love. I could tell. I'd seen that look mirrored on my own face once upon a time. How could I ,his friend, do that to him?

I learned that Aritrea was indeed fond of Cress, and would surely have accepted his proposal before I came back into her life. Our time at Leonardt had convinced her that maybe I would never see her as anything other than the bully she once was. How could she have known I'd fall for her so hard. Since I could not bare to see either of them hurt, I advised Cress to continue his pursuits, assuring him that Aritrea's attentions would soon return. I didn't tell him how I planned to manage this, I simply hugged him and promised to make it work. I got myself assigned to one of the forward recon units that very same day.

You can't even imagine the pain of losing two loves at once and knowing it is by your own hand, but I couldn't bear to see either of them in sorrow, and I assured myself that together they would be a good couple. I loved them both. I'd been with them both. I knew they would make each other happy, even if it meant I would not be. It was the sacrifice I was willing to make for those I loved. I refused to play the villain in their love story.

It didn't take long, maybe six months, for Cress to ask for Aritrea's hand. She'd told me when it happened. Perhaps she wanted me to tell her not to accept. In my heart I imagine she wanted me to sweep her off her feet, tell her that she was my woman, and that no other could have her. She'd given me that chance, but I could only congratulate her and wish her the best. I told her it was for the best, and I only wanted them to be happy. I got a fist to the face for my troubles. We did not speak until after the day of the wedding.

With their marriage a little piece of my heart was broken beyond repair. I'd thought myself noble for my actions, but feel only pain and recrimination. It'd only been a few months and I surely was not over it. I still stifled my silent tears at night, hoping that one day they'd wash away my guilt. A wish that is still yet to be granted.

Seeing the tears well up in my eyes a bit, and knowing just what was on my mind, Cassie wrapped his arms tighter around me and gave me the brightest grin.

“I know, Addy. I know... but you’ve got to stop torturing yourself. Don't you think you've punished yourself enough, my master.  Isn't it time for you to be happy again?” asked the little lion with a face full of confidence.

He looked so very sure for a moment, but then his eyes shifted and his conviction waivered.

“I believe I can help you, if you let me.” he then added.

He then kissed me again. This time more passionately and fully. His mouth engulfed mine and his tongue pressed into my maw with a hunger that was palpable. In spite of myself I kissed him back. Holding him at his waist and relaxing my guard.

Could I be happy? Should I be? I didn’t really know. There were so many reasons we should stop, not the least of which was the fact that I was certain that I could not show the young lion the love he clearly had for me. Propriety had to be another reason. Intimacy, even casually between Knight’s and their squires was believed to be in poor taste. There was no rule against it, but it always caused quite a scandal when discovered; though I’d be a hypocrite should I rest my laurels on that reasoning. My Knight’s master had been a red panda of Pandorica. Physical intimacy was just a part of her culture.

With words of rebuke, arguments of decorum, and fears of my own indecipherable feelings roaring in me like a tumultuous hurricane; I closed my eyes and pushed forward. I didn’t know whether I was capable of loving again so soon after my recent heartbreaks, and love, not lust, was what I was sure drove Cassius’ heart. He sought to explore those deep feelings for me despite my misgivings, and for the second time in as many weeks I decided to let him.

Nothing but silence stood between us as I took him in my arms and kissed him hard. Inside I felt the heat grow in my loins and knew that I would not stop him, nor did I want to. With a soft pur he broke our kiss and his head looked up to the sky, as I continued on, running my mouth over his neck, and unclasping the buckles on his belt.