A14 Dentist Story (Patreon)

In Executioner's Gambit, I really want Thojy to be the sort who can't be serious for a moment. My comedy skills aren't the best, so feel free to make suggestions.

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Tori felt completely exhausted by the time she headed for home, but she spied her mate loitering outside the neighbor’s doorway with Biiz and his best friend, Thojy. “Ah, Tori. You should join us,” said Thojy.

He knelt and pulled a beer bottle from a box, but she waved him off before he could offer it to her. “Thanks, but no. I’m so tired,” she said. “I’m going back to the apartment to have a nice, relaxing rest on the couch.”

“I’ll grab you a seat,” said Biiz, and he ducked back inside before she could argue. A moment later, he returned with a chair from their dinner table.

Sitting in the corridor while the other three stood seemed awkward, but she felt so worn out that she sat without further complaint. Biiz disappeared back inside the apartment to grab her a soda, and Druka’s ears drooped with sympathy. “Bad day?” he asked.

“Not bad, but tiring,” she sighed. “Was a tough day.”

“You think you had a tough day?” said Thojy with a grin. “Today, I had to fix one of those tooth polishers at the dentist office.”

Druka nodded and took another gulp from his beer. “Are they hard to fix?”

“Not too bad, no,” Thojy admitted, “but while I’m there, the dentist won’t stop yammering on and on about teeth. Why are dentists always so obsessed with teeth? They never wanna talk about sports and cooking. No, he’s telling me about gums and cavities, fillings and braces, and he won’t just let me do my job.”

Tori thanked Biiz when he returned with the soda. “Back on our old ship, the dentist’s office was decorated with framed paintings of teeth.” She sipped at the cold beverage and relaxed back in her seat.

“Sadly, my proctologist followed the same decorating advice,” said Thojy, deadpan. Tori nearly spit her drink, but he continued with his story, unabated, “Eventually, the dentist’s strand rings, and he excuses himself to take the call. I was so relieved.”

Druka opened his muzzle to share something, but Thojy put a paw on his shoulder. “But while the dentist is gone, this gal comes in and plops herself down in the chair and glares at me while I’m fixing the polisher.” He glugged some beer. “So, I apologized that her exam was delayed and assured her that I’ve almost got the polisher working again.”

The other three waited in silence a moment before Thojy continued, “Still, she’s just glaring at me the whole time and making me so uncomfortable. So, I cover it all up with some small talk about teeth.” Tori giggled and shook her head. “I tell her about gums and cavities, about fillings and braces. I’ve got no idea if I’ve got any of this stuff right since I hadn’t been paying much attention at the time.”

Druka asked, “Did the dentist come back and rescue you?”

“No! When I finally get the polisher fixed, the dentist still hasn’t returned,” explained Thojy. “At least, I think I’ve got it fixed at that point. It’s one of those things where the motor won’t turn on until you apply some pressure to the polisher head. I thought about pushing the polisher against my fingertip, but this lady is staring at me, and she knows it’s going right in her mouth as soon as I’ve got it working, so I couldn’t exactly start rubbing my fingers all over it.”

“Bleah!” said Tori, making a face of disgust. “Yeah, good call, Thojy.”

“So, not sure what to do,” he said, “I tried it out on one of her incisors, polished it up real nice.”

The three stared at him a long moment, both Tori and Druka’s ears raised in alarm. Biiz looked less surprised.

Thojy shrugged. “So yeah, I figure I’m all done, but the dentist still hasn’t come back,” he said, “and this gal asks me if I plan on doing the rest of her teeth, or just the one. I thought about admitting that I wasn’t really the dentist, but that seems like it would be pretty awkward.”

“Yes,” Tori agreed slowly, “that would be … awkward.”

“So, I just go ahead and polish up the rest.”

“Uh-huh,” said Druka, sounding more skeptical.

“But now that I’ve got both my paws in her mouth, she’s the one who won’t shut up,” said Thojy. “She’s telling me about how cold drinks make her teeth hurt and that she hasn’t been flossing faithfully.”

They stared at him.

“At least, I think that’s what she’s saying. It’s really hard to hear her over the suction device.” Thojy finished his beer and gestured with the empty bottle. He explained, “I’m working on breaking down some of this lady’s tartar, and the dentist is still MIA. I’m totally freaking out. Instead of shutting her up, the anesthetic is just making her talk louder, and I’m so nervous that I think I really botched the filling in her second bicuspid.”

He sighed and put the empty bottle back in the box. “Honestly? I’m not even certain if I did the root canal on the right tooth.”

Tori snorted. “You’re terrible, Thojy.”

But he just grinned. “You think that’s terrible?” he asked. “Tomorrow, I’ve gotta go back in and remove that temporary crown so I can replace it with the permanent one.”

Druka rolled his eyes. “Why was the day so tough, Tori?”

Finally pulling her eyes from Thojy, she explained, “The Executioner killed Subcommander Kimoa today.”

“Oh yeah, I heard about that,” said Biiz. “Don’t feel bad, Tori. I didn’t know him personally, but I heard he was quite the bastard.”

Tori sighed. “Bastard or not, that meant I had to interview everyone at the reactor. It was exhausting.”

Both Biiz and Thojy perked an ear. “Interview?” Biiz asked. “I… I don’t think I ever asked you what you do for a living, Tori.”

At this point, there seemed like little point in denying it, so Tori explained, “I’m the murder investigator. We transferred here so I could catch The Executioner.”

Both Biiz and Thojy stared wide-eyed, blinking only occasionally before Biiz finally regained his usual demeanor. “Well, no offense,” he said, “but I hope you’ll understand when I can’t wish you well on your endeavors.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” sighed Tori. “I’ve interviewed so many geroo since I got here, and though a few were horrified by the murders, I’ve yet to speak to anyone who had anything good to say about any of the victims. It seems like everyone knew something terrible that one of the officers or supervisors had done. Either they claim to have known them directly, or they had some friend or family member who did.”

“Yeah, hardly surprising,” said Thojy as he pulled out a fresh beer. “Few people realize just how many lives they touch. Those of us who live quiet, unassuming lives go largely unnoticed, while jerks like the former subcommander will be remembered by everyone that ever met them.”

“Quiet and unassuming or not,” said Druka, taking a moment to tap his beer bottle against Thojy’s, “you’re plenty memorable.”

“Thank you,” said the white geroo with a grin.

“What about the administrators?” asked Druka. “They’ve been victims too.”

“The administrators aren’t cruel … but cold,” said Biiz. “Not that I blame them, really. Passing out big orange pills is the worst job on the ship. I couldn’t do it. But they…”

When he didn’t continue, Tori asked, “Cold? Being cold is such an unforgivable crime that they deserve to be murdered?”

Thojy sighed and put an arm around his best friend’s shoulders. “My grandfather said that when he was young, they always picked the kindest, the most caring geroo to be Company Administrators. Transferring birth tokens is hard, of course, but he said that back then, their efforts were on drawing families together—trying to help the family losing a grandparent to bond with the Happy Couple and their family. He said there was a lot more sense of community between the crew and the company back then.”

“But now?”

Biiz frowned. “The administrators have become … symbols,” he said. “Instead of an administrator, the crew sees them as the krakun’s lackeys—or even worse, henchmen. Without bonding to Happy Couples, that only leaves bitterness when someone has a Going Away, entrenches the families further. There’s a lot of resentment, a lot of division. You’re either working for the crew or you’re working for the company.”

Biiz turned his nose slightly and gestured to the side of his muzzle where the short black fur didn’t quite flow straight. Though not obvious or disfiguring, a short scar—perhaps only a couple centimeters long—lay beneath his fur. “Most of the crew turned out each time an administrator was killed,” he explained. “I got elbowed in the face once. Everyone wanted to help bring them to the recycler.”

Tori was just about to say something when Thojy’s strand rang. He pulled it from his shoulder and held it to his ear. “This is Thojy,” he said, then listened for a long moment in silence.

Eventually, he sighed and covered the mouthpiece with his paw, taking a moment to explain to the others, “One of her friends needs braces. Damn it. I should never have given that patient my number.”

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Reviewer's link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wyhHwecAiBHneeb5BwYU7HdWAQVkd8cFNHoICcfT-bI/edit?usp=sharing

Thoughts?