Shards (Patreon)

I really suck at writing comedy. Oh well, such things can be fixed in editing.

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With canvas bag over his shoulder, Thojy rocked back on his tail while he waited. He’d already rang the bell once and was tempted to do it again if they didn’t answer soon.

A small video screen was inlaid above the doorbell. It cycled between scenic views of a forest, an ocean, tundra… For a moment, the white pelted geroo had wondered if the images had been filmed on Gerootec prior to Exodus, but then he noticed that the apartment number—thirty-seven—was playfully inserted into each: in the curled leaves, froth of foam, even the way the snow drifted against rocky outcrops.

“Cute,” he chuckled. “Must be nice to have so many credits that you run out of things to spend them on…”

Finally, the image vanished from the screen to be replaced by a black geroo with greying muzzle. A delay stretched before he asked, “Did you bring the merchandise?”

In falsetto, Thojy said, “Um, mister? Our astronomy club is selling cookies to help fund an outing to the forward observatory.”

The older geroo wrinkled his lip in a snarl but didn’t growl. “Did you bring them?” he repeated.

Thojy pulled the bag from his shoulder and held it up in front of the screen. “This year, we have chocolate bang-bangs, nutty bars, and salted crisps with just a touch of mint. All freshly baked and brought to your door!”

Computer-generated video returned to the screen for several moments before the door swung open. Thojy strolled casually inside the two-story tall foyer. Overhead, a domed ceiling was inlaid with stained glass and backlit with moving lights to emulate clouds blowing by, dimming out the sunlight.

Works of art hung on painted walls, thick hand-made rugs laid over carpet. Despite the ship being almost entirely aluminum, Thojy couldn’t spot a single screw or nut. He nodded, his ears held in a contemplative set. “I wish I hadn’t decorated my bathroom this same way,” he sighed. “Now, it feels … common, y’know? Guess I’ll have to remodel it…”

The grey-muzzled geroo didn’t react. Instead, he beckoned with a finger. “Come with me.”

Without missing a beat, Thojy added, “Yes, let’s try to time it like that, but I insist you buy me a fancy dinner first.”

They walked into a paneled room that was nearly the size of Thojy’s current apartment. The black geroo took a seat behind a huge wooden desk and spread his palms wide. “Show me.”

Throughout the lower decks, there was a common myth that the only wood on board has been carved into beads that just the richest geroo can afford. In truth, some wood had been used in other ways. The ship had several fruit and nut-bearing trees, and for each of the past four hundred years, several wooden branches had been pruned from each. This wood was the rarest and most precious of commodities.

Sure, some small scraps had been carved into beads like those worn by the geroo behind the desk, but the rest had been sliced down their centers and carefully arranged by highly skilled craftsmen to give items such as this desk an appearance of being made from solid wood.

Thojy looked down at the table but couldn’t spot a single place where the grain failed to match up. He waved a finger in the air. “Nuh uh! You first.”

With a nod, the older geroo pulled a golden strand from his shoulder and tapped in some codes. With one paw, he offered the strand up, but Thojy turned away before the older geroo could tap the black strand in Thojy’s shoulder holster. “No touchy!” Then, he pulled a white strand from the bag. “I’ll keep it in here.”

They tapped the communicators together, and Thojy checked the screen: one hundred thousand credits—verified and ready, but the transfer was held and waiting.

With a grin, the white geroo reached back in his bag and pulled out one little glass flask after another. “The chocolate bang-bangs are my personal favorite,” he said back in his falsetto once more. “I’m not fond of the nutty bars, but the mint chips sell out every year.”

Opening a drawer, the older male removed a magnifying glass and an abrasive stick for filing claws. He removed each shard, ran the file across the metal, and checked for a scratch.

“Hundred k is an awful lot of cash,” he grunted while he worked. Glancing up, he added, “Whatcha gonna do with it all?”

Thojy grinned and bounced excitedly in place. “Gee, mister! If there’s any leftover after the observatory, perhaps I’ll buy the other cubs ice cream!”

His levity failed to get even a smile out of the older male. “What do you plan to do with seven grams of titanium shards?”

He ignored the question. When he finished his work, he said, “Not a mark. It’s all titanium.”

“Of course, it is,” huffed Thojy. “I never cheat anyone out of anything.”

Then, he totaled up the weights on his strand as he returned the shards to their bottles. He nodded at the number. “We have a deal.” He tapped on his strand and swept the bottles into the drawer.

Thojy verified that the transfer completed and put the white strand back in his pack.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” the black-pelted geroo said with a dismissive wave, “I’d like to get these into my safe.”

Thojy frowned. “So, no-go on the fancy dinner and coming together?”

The older male snarled again, this time managing an audible growl.

“Light snack and a kiss on the cheek?” Thojy cocked an ear. “No? Yogurt and a cuddle?”

From behind the desk, the scowling geroo pointed to the front door.

“Fine, I’ll go,” said Thojy, pressing the back of his paw to his forehead, “but my door will always be open for you.”

He blew the other a kiss on his way out.

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Reviewer's link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cClfn38WPWvqSJSel288NGUz9X_D65Y28XhvWZMneGw/edit?usp=sharing

Thoughts?