Inzari's Crude Story (Patreon)

I dunno what's wrong with me, but after posting that wonderfully crude comic (https://www.patreon.com/posts/nsfw-pic-42049906), I felt compelled to write an equally crude scene to go with it.

NSFW! NSFW! NSFW!

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Moani smiled when she saw Inzari swaggering her way. She wasn’t a hundred percent certain if swagger could be conjugated that way in Ringel, but the grammar rules had always seemed fast and loose. No one seemed to care when someone spoke incorrectly, and she suspected that everyone did.

Inzari always moved with a swagger in her step, like she was the baddest—again, was that even a word?—ringel on board. Moani doubted that she actually was, but after watching Inzari in action this last year, she knew that the act had served the quartermaster well.

No one screwed with Inzari in any way that she didn’t want to be screwed with.

Inzari had been off on the space station all day performing some secret mission. What was that mission? Moani had no idea. Given Captain Sinon’s history, it could have been something as benign as an excuse to drink with a new crowd or something as sinister as stealing the crown jewels from the King in Exile—or anything in between. All she knew was that a few selected individuals got to check out the station while almost everyone else was stuck aboard.

That didn’t bother Moani much. She preferred to be left alone or allowed to socialize with just the few individuals she felt comfortable around, but for most of the crew, this was a very big deal. The Jet Black Sword didn’t visit space stations often, and so there were all sorts of experiences—ones involving sex with aliens, generally—that they were missing out on.

“So, how did it go?” Moani asked the quartermaster as she leaned back against the bar.

“Can’t talk about it,” said Inzari.

“Damn right you can’t,” said Captain Sinon from the table just in front of them. Despite his harsh words, his tone was gentle. He was leaned way back in his seat with legs spread wide. Sailmaster Styx was fondling the captain’s balls while his head bobbed steadily up and down the captain’s length.

Although it irritated Moani that the ringel would do such things in public without even thinking about taking it elsewhere, at least she had to admit that it kept them in good spirits. The captain, for instance, had to be facing some really bad news to get angry while someone was sucking on his dick.

Moani scooted the umbrella aside and took a sip from her drink. The alcohol in it was strong, but the sweetness masked it well. The drink was named something that translated literally to “juices that drip from bodily orifices”. Even as ringel drink names went, Moani found that needlessly crude, but the bartender, Zyggy, was a friend and was happy to make them for her without forcing her to ask for them by name.

“But I can tell you this juicy little tidbit…” said Inzari.

Sinon glared a warning at her that she ignored. He continued to look their way, but he put a paw on Styx’s head and asked if he’d slow down just a bit.

“So, I’m riding around the station in a cab—” said Inzari.

“A cab to get around the station?” asked Moani.

“Oh yeah, it’s huge,” she said, “and all the tunnels are a maze. Unless you know where you’re headed, you’d get lost for sure. Anyhow, the front half of the cab is divided and pumped full of bromine air. This stodgy anup gal is driving me around, and her adorable little pup is sitting in the seat beside her.”

“A little anup?” chuckled Moani.

“Well, little for them—he was probably my height—but his proportions were ridiculously cute. He was all eyes, ears, and paws. Anyhow, we’re driving along, and she’s spouting this non-stop lecture to him about don’t do this and don’t do that. If it weren’t for the fact that we don’t have any compartments with bromine air, I was tempted to ask him if he wanted to run away and become a pirate.”

Moani smiled. She wished that she had joined voluntarily. Her life would be so much simpler if she had. Still, those were issues for her to deal with, not something to be voiced aloud.

“Anyhow, the traffic slows to a crawl, and up ahead I can see some geroo couple is having some sort of knock-down drag-out in the middle of the street,” laughed Inzari. “He musta done something awful because she’s hauling all of his crap out of the apartment and throwing it at him. Anup driver is honking and scolding her pup. Geroo chick is screeching and flinging stuff. Geroo dude is groveling like a patsy and begging for another chance. And the pup is standing up on the front seat with his nose pressed against the windshield, just drinking all of this in. I’m just sitting in the back, laughing my tail off.”

“Poor guy,” sighed Moani.

“The pup? He was loving it,” said Inzari. “His tail is thwapping back and forth, and his mom was shielding her face with a paw.”

“No, I mean the geroo guy,” the geordian explained.

“Oh yeah, he was a miserable fat fuck if I ever saw one,” said Inzari. “Anyhow, the truck in front of us pulls out of the way, and our driver floors it, taking the chance to slide through. Meanwhile, Screaming Chick reaches into this box and pulls out a huge red dildo—a really nasty one with a big’ol knot down at the base, huge balls, and one of those suction cup deals for sticking it to the shower door—and she flings it at him with all her might.”

Moani chuckled and shook her head, envisioning it.

“Mr. Dickhead ducks and the throw goes wild. It was one of those dildos without a rigid core, y’know? So, the whole time it’s sailing through the air, it’s flexing back and forth, like it’s trying to fly away.”

Sinon laughed at that image, then closed his eyes for a moment. “Oh yeah, right there, Styx,” he said.

“And wham!” shouted Inzari, slapping her palms together with a boom, “the dildo bounces off of the windshield, leaving a big’ol smear across the passenger side.”

Moani wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Geroo don’t wash off their toys when they’re done playing with them?”

Inzari shrugged, gesturing wildly enough that she almost spilled her beer. “So, this adorable little pup turns his big brown eyes to his mom, confused out of his mind. ‘Ma?’ he asks sweet as sugar. ‘What was that?’ And of course, I’m still in the back, trying not to laugh, rolling around like I need an emergency piss-break.”

Moani frowned, letting her lower lip jut forward. “Poor thing!”

“And his mom is just gripping the rod she used to steer like it’s Mr. Dickhead’s fucking neck, staring straight ahead. She grunts—I mean literally grunts—‘It was just an insect hitting the windscreen.’”

Sinon chuckled. He had both paws on Styx’s head now, stroking the sailmaster’s ears and urging his head up and down.

“And so, this pup—still standing in his seat—kinda flops back against the headrest with his shoulders and goes, ‘Huh.’ He stares at the dirty dildo smear on the glass for a bit before turning back to his mom. And with all seriousness, this pup asks, ‘How did it fly with such a big dick?’”

Inzari honked a graceless laugh. Moani laughed too, but Sinon howled! He gripped poor Styx by the ears and pulled, fucking his mouth hard and shoving his dick deep down the ringel’s throat before he fired off load after load.

With a groan, the captain finally released him and pulled a dripping dick from his muzzle, but Styx was still laughing silently at Inzari’s story. Afraid to open his mouth, he pointed at her, head bobbing up and down, his eyes bulging under the strain. He covered his mouth with both paws, trying to keep it in, but then, suddenly, the laugh burst forth like a supernova—two streams of the captain’s cum spraying like the exhaust from maneuvering jets.

Moani stared in horror, her fur standing on end, but Inzari howled, pointing at the wheezing sailmaster as he tried to suck in some clean air.

“Ew,” groaned Styx. His paws hung limp from his wrists, fingers dripping as he surveyed just how far the jizz had sprayed.

“Are you okay?” asked Moani. “That must burn!”

Styx shook his head. He grabbed a napkin off the table and blew his nose a couple times. “Just slimy. Really slimy.”

“Oh … my … god,” whispered Sinon. Everyone stared at the captain as he got off his seat. He helped Styx up and sat him down in the chair he had just vacated, then knelt beside him. “I am so, so, so very, very sorry,” said the captain.

Now everyone was staring. The captain? Apologizing? What had come over him?

Styx seemed just as confused as everyone else. “What?” he asked, grabbing another napkin. “Just a little cum.”

“Well, in the mouth, butt, pussy, or on the floor, sure,” said Sinon, “no big deal. But in the nose…?”

Styx stared wide-eyed.

“Did you never study biology?” whispered the captain.

Styx continued to stare. He shook his head quickly with a tiny gesture.

“Oh, Styx, my poor sweet Styx. Sperm have tiny flagellum. They swim,” he explained. “If you get sperm in your nose”—he shook his head—“well, there’s nothing to stop them from swimming up into your brain.”

Styx blew his nose furiously now, still staring at his captain in horror.

Moani’s ears spread wide in puzzlement. “Sir, I don’t think—”

“Don’t listen to her,” said Sinon. He put his paws tenderly to Styx’s chin and turned him back to face him. “Geordians don’t know shit about blow jobs. They wouldn’t suck a dick if they were dying of thirst.”

“Hey!” complained Moani. “I’ve sucked my share—”

“My sister once got cum in her nose,” the captain related in a quiet, reverend tone. “Have you ever met my sister?”

“I have,” interjected Inzari, sounding puzzled. “Is that what turned her into a jelly-brain?”

The captain nodded solemnly and wiped away a tear. “You see, Styx,” he explained, “the egg cell is surrounded by this protective layer called the zona pellucida, and for sperm to fertilize an egg, they have to work at it, burrow into it.”

“You… You can’t impregnate someone’s brain,” Styx said softly, but there was fear in his voice that he might be wrong.

“No, of course not,” the captain assured him, patting his shoulders, “but when the sperm can’t find an egg cell, they’ll burrow into your brain cells, causing, well, all sorts of cognitive damage.”

“What have you done to me?” shrieked Styx.

“I know!” Sinon pulled him close, resting his head against Styx’s rapidly rising and falling chest. “I’m so, so sorry, Styx. I didn’t mean to.”

“W-what do I do?” stammered the sailmaster.

Sinon carefully helped Styx to his paws. “Are you okay to stand? Do you feel dizzy? Good. You have to hurry to med bay! Run! Tell Dr. Quazzat exactly what happened. Tell him that I authorize him to use any therapy he has available.”

Styx nodded furiously.

“Okay, go!” said Sinon. “And god speed!”

Styx bolted out of the bar, barreling over a barstool on his way.

There was a brief pause while the three of them stared off in the direction Styx had run.

Inzari crossed her arms over her pierced nipples. “Funny. Kinda mean, but funny.”

Sinon plopped himself back down in his chair. Then he leaned forward and peered into his drink. “Fuckin’ idiot,” he sighed before flopping back again and chugging a drink, “he got cum in my beer.”

An hour later, the captain put the call on speaker and the three of them crowded around to listen to what Dr. Quazzat had to say.

“He said he had sperm in his brain, and that you authorized any treatment I had available to—and I quote—‘keep him from turning into a jelly-brain’. Is that correct, Captain?”

Moani covered her eyes, Inzari her mouth, as both tried not to laugh. Sinon looked serious. “That is correct, Doctor. Were you able to help him?”

“Well, I’m afraid, sir, that I don’t have any approved therapies to prevent someone from turning into a ‘jelly-brain’.”

“Oh no!” gasped Sinon, shaking his head. “What did you tell our sailmaster?”

“Well, I didn’t know what to tell him, honestly,” said the doctor, “but since the order came from you, sir, I authorized him to take four days of shore leave at the station. It sounded like the poor guy really needed it.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” growled the captain as he disconnected the call.

———

Reviewer's link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-bVl6uHEkdtCmqvCXjRozQlofC__-CWYNho_5azqQKA/edit?usp=sharing

Thoughts?