Weekly Update - 126 (Patreon)

Well, hello there and welcome to Serial Dreamer!  Thank you so much for subscribing at the Scavenger tier!

That's really a nice surprise this morning, heh. Here I am, just coming down from a particularly moody weekend, trying to think of something interesting to ramble about so I can sit down and try to get this comic done before Wednesday, and there you are!  That's three of you this past month, like... that's really spectacular.  Truly.  Words can't express... much of anything well, really.  Words suck and feelings are complicated.  :3  But thank you.  All of you.

I think that means we're up to.... oh, we're at 22 now! Which means we get another character added to the character page on the main site!  So be on the lookout for a new poll, because you guys will get to select who gets put up there next.  I'm guessing it'll be a close race between Max and Kiera, but you never know.  Donno could be an interesting pick too, jes sayin.

Comic this week?  Gods, I hope so.  Honestly I'm not even done with the linework yet and that's a really bad sign.  Normally I'm at least done with the lines by Monday, sometimes even the flat colors.  So as usual, I'll be trying really hard to get it done, but I'd rather try to make it look good than just try to rush through it.  Even so, you guys shouldn't have to wait because I was lazy this past week.  I have no good excuses for delaying ANOTHER week.... I guess I could always post it on early Thursday if I'm REALLY struggling.  Alright, how about this, I WILL get this comic done this week, worst case on Thursday or Friday.

Drawing: Page 147, and only Page 147, til it's done.

Playing: IF I can get 147 to a point where I'm no longer stressed out about getting it done, then I'll be stomping all over the old world and killing literally every single man-thing as Ikit Claw in Total War: Warhammer 2, because I'm really getting impatient for my favorite little ratmen to get added into Total War: Warhammer 3.  I mean, come on, Skaven > Daemons of Chaos, amirite?

Reading: Heroes by Joe Abercrombie

Weekly Ramble (for those new Patrons, this is the part of the weekly update where I just stream of consciousness myself into hopefully interesting topics that are frequently on my mind, often pertaining to writing or art or storytelling or gaming or just managing life in general, with perhaps some insightfulness sprinkled throughout -- but reading it is totally optional and I don't always expect the ramble to be all that coherent anyway. That's why I call it a "Ramble."):

So yeah, moody weekends are moody and unproductive.  I like to think that I've conquered my depression, since I seem to be in control of my emotions, most days, without therapy or medication... and the last few times my depression has started its spiral, it has still stayed relatively contained.  I'm not convinced there's any way to really win against it entirely.  It still emerges for silly and stupid reasons.  Buying the wrong items at the grocery store is a trigger for me, for example.  (As the jerkbrain justifies it, "look at you, you're so stupid you can't even get THAT right").  And because I know my parents sometimes read these rambles, I want to stress that, no, it was not my parents visit last week that set me off.  It was actually a combination of things I forgot at the grocery store before their arrival, little things long before that, and the main trigger was a few minor spats I had with my husband over unrelated and inconsequential things.

These days, I know when it's coming, because it'll be a lot of little triggers over a long period of time.  Little things that normally don't bother me at all start to pile up and my mind has trouble letting them go.  And then even littler things that I normally wouldn't care about become more irritating and problematic than they normally would.  Then there's usually a slightly less than little thing that would normally be funny or otherwise stupid that sends me into a disharmony spiral and makes me miserable for a few days.

But, even though I suffer from a form of depression, I do try to remain in control of it.  The biggest thing that has helped me was learning to forgive myself for it.  The worst possible thing I could ever do is let myself feel bad about feeling bad.  Nowadays, my spirals are more like, "oh, I feel bad today, and that's okay."  It will pass.  It always has, and it always does, and I refuse to blame myself for feeling bad. I refuse to feed my depression with destructive thoughts. It used to be the core of my depression spirals, "I feel bad for no reason, and I shouldn't" which lead to far more destructive thoughts like "wow I'm such a garbage person for feeling bad about nothing."  Instead, I simply reassure myself that I'm okay, and that it's okay to feel bad sometimes.  Emotions will always fluctuate, some more than others.  My emotional state isn't always stable, and that's okay.

Aside from that, though, the biggest thing that has helped me with my depression is drawing these comics that you guys seem to be enjoying.  And if I'm making someone else's life a tiny bit better with them, even in some infinitesimal way, it helps me to know that.  So.  Whenever you see me say "thank you for reading," I mean it.  A lot.