Weekly Update - 50 (Patreon)

Well, shit.  I was going to make this a short one, but it's #50, and because I'm somehow wired so that feels like I've reached some kind of important milestone, I feel obligated to make it long as a result.  That's how that works.  >.>

Let's talk business first.  In my ranting about villains last week, I think I forgot to thank Greg for upgrading their Patron tier from Squatter to Scavenger!  It's such a small, simple thing, but that kind gesture speaks volumes to me and I just can't express how grateful I am for it.

I should be wrapping up Page 94 both today and tomorrow, so there should be a comic going up this week.  Moving boxes remain unpacked, but... well... that's to be expected.  >.<

Pin-up Poster progress:

Kiera - Flats in-progress

Max - Tier 3 Sketch (today's preview)

Riley - Tier 1 Sketch

Now, I'm not much of a blogger.  That's not a career I'm interested in.  Take it from someone who overthinks literally everything they say and write and still manages to get everything wrong: nothing is ever so simple that words can describe.  I could sit here and type up pages upon pages of raw thoughts and never really get anywhere.  Last week I spent about 4 hours writing and revising and editing that rant about villains... and that time is way better spent drawing, IMHO, so from now on, these updates are going to be a little more raw.  But hopefully they are no less interesting?  I dunno, let me know when "long" becomes "too long."

I'll warn you, this post today might get a little too real, but I've been thinking a lot about existentialism lately.  When I was a kid, I once asked my mom the question "why am I who I am?"  I'm not sure she understood what I was asking, and neither did I.  Small me was wondering why it was that I could see through these specific two eyes that I had.  Why was it when I looked down and saw my legs, or tied my shoes, that I was the only person in the entire world seeing from that perspective at that very moment?  Why was I me, and why was I not someone else?  Posing that question to my mom, I expected a simple, immediate answer, such as any child might expect when asking what clouds are made of.  Almost 30 years later, I still don't have an answer to my question.  I couldn't have possibly known I was asking a question that has haunted many a philosopher for thousands of years.

Now, God Slayers is more than just a webcomic to me.  See, that vague, unanswered reason for existence extends to this thing I'm making as well.  One of the reasons I broach this topic this week is because I'm starting to think one of the creators I follow isn't coming back, and it's always very sad for me when a creator I like vanishes without a trace.  I will miss their updates of course, but I will also never know what happened to them, and their unfinished creation will remain as the only evidence I have that they even existed.  Patreon often asks me with its little prompts: "Why do you create?"  I create because I exist.  I create because it helps me feel like I'm leaving something real as evidence I exist.  And if updates from me ever cease without an explanation... well... ideally it will be under circumstances that have rendered me unable to create.

But let's not think too hard about that right now.  I embrace some themes of sadness, depression and realism in my storytelling (and thinking,) but my hope is to reveal there's good things despite it all.  Because the other reason I create is to inspire others.  To make something people like, that will hopefully outlast me.  These characters, this setting, this universe, the ideas might be mine, initially, but I hope to some day inspire a community of artists and writers that are, at least in some small way, influenced by my creations.  Even if they never know I existed.