(V)irgin Adventu(R)es (Patreon)

"Come on! It'll be fun! Please?" Stephanie insisted.

You sighed and folded your arms. "No. Not after last time." 

"It'll be nothing like last time, I promise!" Stephanie had been badgering you for days to be a part of her squad's latest fixation, some total integration VR thing. It was apparently designed around a four-player squad and they only had 3. But after that debacle at the D&D game, you weren't exactly eager to do Stephanie any favors. 

"I even have a second set of VR gear to give you, you don't have to buy anything!" She was unrelenting. "Look, just play one round with us, then I promise you'll be hooked!" If nothing else, her passion was admirable. Maybe it was because you knew she wasn't going to give up, but you finally relented.

"Fine, fine, I'll do it." You rolled your eyes. That was all she needed to hear to shove a duffel bag of gear into your arms. 

"We start tonight at 8!" She reminded you. "Don't be late or you'll be stuck playing support!" 

---

8 PM rolled around. Fortunately, you'd spent a large portion of your evening getting the gear all set up. You navigated the VR menus and as soon as you were in the party lobby, you could hear Stephanie and the others talking over the mic.

"Oh, looks like he's here!" Stephanie's voice said to the others. The trio of Stephanie,  Natalie, and a third unknown were all showing as generic figures in the lobby, the same corporate-art-style avatars picked from a handful of generic parts. 

"Alright, we all know what we're doing, right?" Stephanie asked like she was planning some legitimate strategy. The other two gave verbal agreement.

"Uh, actually, I don't." You piped in to remind them.

"Oh, right, I forget you've never played before," Steph remembered. "Midnight, fill him in!" 

"Right, you'll be playing Barbarian." You recognized the voice; it was the goth girl from the D&D game whose name you never got. "That means you'll be right on the front lines, doing a lot of short-range combat."

"Yeah, we all know you've got experience with being short-ranged!" Natalie interrupted, laughing.

"Natalie!" Stephanie blurted, trying to legitimately tell her off for the remark but still having an obvious laugh under her voice. Midnight laughed too, of course.

"Now that that's cleared up, we gotta get you scanned before we get in-game," Stephanie told you as if you knew what that meant. 

"Uh?" You started to ask, but she filled you in with no further prodding. 

"The VR gear takes a scan of your body, then scales your avatar's hitboxes to it to ensure the game is as accurate to your real body as possible!" She sounded legitimately excited about the technology.

"Wait, but-" You tried to interrupt, out of fear of just how 'full-body' the full-body scan really was. But it was too late, Stephanie had already initiated the scan!

"Scanning..." Said a robotic female voice. Frantically, you searched for a 'cancel' button of some kind. But it was too late, by the time you found one, the robotic voice piped up again with "Scan Complete." 

Then, to your horror and inability to stop it, your full-body scan became mapped to your avatar!

"Ahahahahaha!" Natalie began the laughter at your digital dangling dong, before the other two reflexively joined in. You covered yourself with your virtual hands, but it was a futile effort. They'd seen it all, a second time.

"You said it wasn't gonna be like the D&D game!" You protested in Stephanie's general direction. 

"I guess I lied!" She continued to laugh with the others.

"Ugh..."

Since they were of no help, you began searching the menu options for some way to put on virtual pants. Sensing what you were trying to do, Steph filled you in.

"Let's get you in-game, that'll put clothes on you..." She pressed a button and suddenly the VR void you'd occupied was replaced with a fantasy village, and the girls accordingly became their in-game avatars, in an art style clearly inspired by the metal bikini days of fantasy novels and heavy metal album covers.

Stephanie's towering busty elf archer persona sized you up, alongside Natalie's buxom cleric and Midnight's titty-witch.

"Better..." Stephanie nodded. "But you're still a tad underdressed. Looking at your reflection in the window of the nearby inn, your Barbarian self was wearing nothing but a horned helmet and a loincloth.

"Ugh... Come on, let's start this quest and get it over with."

The party walked into the inn, Natalie and Midnight still snickering at your earlier misfortune.

Stephanie interacted with the barkeep NPC, securing rooms for the four of you. Room keys in hand, she passed one out to each of the party.

"Right, go and register your beds, you'll respawn there if you die." She instructed.

The other two headed upstairs, you followed behind.

"Ah-ah! The rooms are separated by gender so no one gets any pervy ideas." Natalie pointed. "Your room is over there."

You turned around and headed the other way, but there was an invisible wall preventing progress. A text box popped up from the innkeeper;

"Hey there, that's the men's side, you can't go over there!" 

"Huh?" You turned to Steph. "Some kind of glitch, I can't go in!"

Stephanie opened up the dev console with a series of elaborate button presses. After staring at it for a moment...

"Oh..." She looked both embarrassed and amused. Before you could ask what the problem was, she filled you in.

"The game, uh... determines gender by analyzing your body scan for a penis. I guess... it couldn't detect yours."

You sank in defeat. Natalie and Midnight HOWLED with laughter. Why did you hang out with these girls again?