Huge Tracts of Land (Patreon)

Contains: Breast Expansion

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Huge Tracts of Land

My name is John Lackland, and I’m a Prince. It’s nothing to brag about; my name is a joke, you see. My father is King Stephen Lackland, so named because his kingdom is nothing but a swamp. My tutors tell me our exports of clay and fish are vital to the economy, but I’m pretty sure the only reason Father is a king at all is because nobody else was daft enough to build a castle in a swamp.

Anyroad, it’s my twentieth birthday today, and Father is making me marry some Lady so I can safely inherit his castle. I doubt any of the other kings even want it, but no-one ever asks my opinion. It’s lucky for me this hasn’t happened sooner if I’m honest. My tutors say most princes have their first wives before they turn eighteen. Probably the only reason I’ve been a carefree bachelor this long is because no eligible Lady in her right mind would want to live in a swamp castle.

Don’t get any ideas about my glamorous bachelor life, either. I’ve no friends aside from my tutors and servants, and they don’t count. I spend most of my days reading, listening to minstrels—whenever any come ‘round—and, of course, singing. I simply adore singing. I suppose that will all come to an end once I’m married.

I begged Father not to make me marry Lady Adeliza. I’ve never met her, but I’m certain she’s just awful. Every lady who’s ever visited our castle has been a stuck-up prig. Skinny, bony women with their noses in the air and scowling as if they’re forever smelling something foul. That’s likely the swamp, but still, we live with it all the time, for pity’s sake. You don’t see any of us pulling miserable faces during dinner. I’m sure Lady Adeliza will be just as bad. What kind of lady would agree to be the princess of a swamp? Father’s never met her, either, only an envoy from her Lord Father who came to parlay on his behalf. According to Father, the Lady has huge tracts of land. I guess that’s important—since we have no land of our own—but I still don’t think it’s worth giving up my carefree life.

***

Father has prepared a grand feast for our meeting with Lady Adeliza. I stand with him in the great hall, waiting for her to arrive. I’ve never seen so much food in one place; Father must have emptied the treasury to buy so much meat and mead. There’s loads of fish, of course, but we always have that. Though I’ve never seen it stacked quite so high.

The doorman raps his cane on the floor to announce her arrival. “The Lady Adeliza!”

At first, I’m confused. Two lines of footmen walk through the double doors of the great hall, carrying a litter. It looks like the litter is loaded down with sacks of something, but those sacks are made of silk and lace. It’s her, I realize. Lady Adeliza is pretty and plump, with the most enormous bosoms I’ve ever seen.

I’ve never cared much for ladies, or women in general, for that matter. But I have fond memories of my nursemaid when I was small. I never knew my mother, but Elise was sweet and kind. Whenever Father was cross with me, she would hold me against her soft body, nestling my head between her large bosoms, and it made me feel better. Adeliza’s bosoms were each as big as Elise’s whole body, and I felt an odd stirring in my trousers as I watched the six footmen carry her to the banquet table.

After a round of awkward introductions, the meal begins. My plate lies ignored in front of me, the food growing cold as I watch Adeliza feast. There’s little wonder how she grew so large as she empties plate after plate between her pretty lips. Her chest is too large for her to reach the table, so her footmen fill the plates and hand them to her. I think at long last, I know what love feels like.

“Now, hold on!” Father bellows. “Do you mean to say there’s no land at all? I was assured there were huge tracts!”

Adeliza lets out a throaty chuckle, emptying her goblet of wine. “My apologies, Your Majesty. That’s a bit of a joke among our court.”

Father’s face is turning red and blotchy. “A joke‽”

The Lady reaches both hands forward as far as they’ll go—less than halfway across the span of her vast cleavage—and gently strokes the exposed skin she can reach. “It’s –urp– a bit of a metaphor, you see?”

Father blusters and mumbles incoherently, but I know what he’s about. If there’s no land, he’ll want to call off the betrothal. And if that happens, then this immaculate creature will be sent away. I push my chair back and walk around the table behind my father.

“Now, Father, there’s no need for all that fuss. A bargain is a bargain, after all.”

I hold a hand out to one of Adeliza’s footmen, and he gives me the empty plate and stands aside. As I approach, she extends a plump arm to me. I take her chubby fingers in mine and brush my lips against her knuckles. I’m standing so close to her bosom I can almost feel the warm softness beckoning me into its depths.

“Allow me. What would you like more of, My Lady?”