Dungeon Item Shop - Chapter 379: Don't worry about it (Patreon)

“This is a terrible idea,” says Basil.

“Yeah,” agrees Fresh, her hands hovering above the crystal-ball. “But I really wanna find out too, Basil,” she notes.

The priestess frowns, playing with the red string on her hand. “Some things are better left untested, you know?”

Fresh shakes her head. “What kind of life is that though?” she asks, focusing on the crystal-ball. “What happens if I die and then I get sad because I didn’t actually get to be the person I wanted to be?” she asks, looking back up again. Basil and Jubilee are exchanging one of their looks. The priestess turns back towards her.

“Still…”

“It’ll be fine, Basil!” assures Fresh.

Jubilee scoots their chair forward. “Yeah, Basil. Don’t be such a baby,” they say. “Embrace death like the rest of us.”

“The end is us and we are the end,” says Shamrock.

Basil crosses her arms. “Nobody is embracing death at the breakfast table,” argues the priestess. “I’m just saying that this is unsafe.”

“Of course it’s unsafe,” says Jubilee, placing their elbows on the table as they hold their head in the hands. “That’s the fun part.”

“That you of all people would have had such a change of heart,” notes Basil. “A few months ago you’d be on a warpath if you saw this happening.”

Jubilee shrugs. “Time has healed my wounded heart. Dunno what to tell you.”

Basil rolls her eyes. “Oh, please, come off it.”

A large, metal hand reaches over and grabs Basil, pulling her back towards its source. “It will be good,” says Shamrock, pulling Basil closer and shielding her from the crystal with his forearm, just to be safe.

She sighs. “Fine. But I want it to be noted that I objected to this. This is a terrible idea.”

“Your objection has been noted,” says Jubilee, nodding. “Do it.”

“Yes, Jubilee,” says Fresh, lifting her fingers to the crystal-ball and focusing on the thing that it shows her.

Jubilee had asked her to explain her abilities and curses to them in explicit detail this morning, perhaps hoping to get a better gage of their standing in terms of the power-scale of the world. After hearing her explain a few different things, Jubilee had an idea, seeing something straight away that Fresh had missed.

The crystal-ball glows alight as Fresh focuses. Light flashes through the sphere as the image inside of it seems to be traveling, flying across the landscape like a bird. The view soars down into the dungeon, pushing through the entrance until the view lands on a single spriggan, standing there and bouncing on its feet, waiting for an adventurer to come into the first floor of the dungeon.

“Wow. It really does let us see things,” says Basil.

“Told you,” says Fresh.

“Did you know about this?” asks the priestess.

Jubilee shrugs. “I mean, yes?” they say. “But honestly, I was so burnt out on fucky witch shit that I didn’t think twice about it.” They turn to Fresh. “You know what to do.”

“Yes, Jubilee,” says Fresh, lowering her hand and grabbing the cursed dagger from the table, her free hand still hovering above the sphere. She gulps.

(Fresh) uses: [Malediction]

The image of the spriggan in the crystal-ball stops bouncing on its feet, standing there for a second and then the vision inside of the crystal erupts as the spriggan flies wildly into the air, propelled by an unseen force. Black goo splashes out of it in all directions as it soars, smashing against the ceiling of the dungeon and then, a second later, its empty skin falls down to the ground in a mushy heap.

“Grim,” says Jubilee. “I’ll never get over how fucked that is to look at.”

“It worked though,” says Basil, surprised.

Shamrock nods. “Direct confrontations are not Perchta’s way.”

“Fucking indirect ones though, fuck…” says Jubilee, watches the black smears run down the inside of the glass crystal until the image begins to fade, leaving nothing left on this side.

So it’s true, Jubilee’s plan worked. The crystal-ball displays images of places and things and given that the only range constraint on her ‘malediction’ curse is the target having to be within her line of sight, the curse works even over this distance, even outside of the dungeon…

Basil tilts her head, leaning against Shamrock. “No experience-points though.”

“Figured,” replies Jubilee. “Same shit as when you’re in a different section,” they say. Basil nods. Monsters in a dungeon always give experience when killed, even by a party member. But the condition is that you have to be in the same ‘section’ of the dungeon as the fight in order for it to count.

“So, who do we kill first?” asks Jubilee.

“Uh, nobody?” suggests Basil. “That’s not what we do.”

“I mean, it kind of is,” replies Jubilee, shrugging.

Basil shakes her head. “We’re not killing anyone. We’re not assassins.”

Jubilee raises an eyebrow. “I mean, I guess not specifically.” They look back at the crystal. “We sure as fuck could be though.” They think for a moment, pointing at Fresh. “Hey, can you point that thing at the hero?”

The table is quiet. All of them look at Jubilee.

“What? You fucks. It’s a great idea,” they explain, tapping a finger against the table.

“It is…” agrees Basil reluctantly, looking back towards Fresh. “We really should know what the enemy is up to. It’s folly that we’ve been so negligent.”

Fresh shakes her head. “Not until tomorrow, guys,” she replies, rubbing her arm. “The crystal only works once a day.”

Jubilee nods, getting up. “Guess what we’re doing tomorrow?”

Fresh looks towards the ceiling, a finger scratching her cheek. “I guess we’re having breakfast together like every day and then we’re opening the store?”

“That too,” replies Jubilee, reaching down and grabbing her flying broom. “Okay. Next idea.”

“Next idea?” asks Fresh, taking the broom from them.

“Next idea,” repeats Jubilee, nodding. “Remember the whole ‘grim powder’ thing?”

“…Yeah?” replies Fresh cautiously. Exploding had hurt a lot.

A finger points her way. “Guess what we’re trying out next?”

“Uh…”

“Shamrock,” says Jubilee. “Get me a bottle of some fucky witch-water from the basement and some of Basil’s poison mushrooms.”

Fresh lifts a finger. “Uh…”

“Don’t ‘uh’ me, goo-brain!” barks Jubilee. “We’re practicing murder today.”

Fresh frowns, lowering her hand. “Yes, Jubilee,” she says. “Can we get some breakfast first though?” she asks. “I’m starving.”

Basil sighs, getting up. “I’ll handle it.”

“Thanks, Basil,” says Jubilee. “We can use your cooking to help practice killing people too.”

The priestess makes a show of rolling her eyes as she walks past Jubilee. “You mean a lot to me too,” she says.

Jubilee shakes their head, gesturing all around themselves at once, not having a response to that, before turning back to Fresh. “After this, there’s something else I wanna try too,” they say. “Remember Shamrock’s old bone sword?” they ask.

Fresh nods.

Jubilee taps the table. “The effect. The one that stops holy magic from healing things. I want it.”

Fresh blinks. “For what, Jubilee?”

“We’re gonna take care of some stuff,” they say, narrowing their eyes. “Don't worry about it.“