Sin-Eater - Chapter 52: Edacity (Patreon)

“Demon-king, huh?” asks Sister, listening as Alleluia finishes explaining their story. “Sounds like the outside world really blows these days.” it sighs. “It used to be better, you know?” it asks.

Alleluia nods. “My husband told me. He used to be alive then too.”

Sister tilts its head. “Used to?” it asks cautiously.

“I came back from the dead,” says Canta. “Life is funny like that sometimes,” he notes, doing another sit-up.

“You came back from the dead? As a human?” asks Sister.

“Sure did,” replies Canta. “Don’t ask me about the details though. Maybe the dungeon thought I was a monster and I just respawned.” Sister’s head snaps to the side with an unsettlingly quick and sharp movement.

“You respawned?” it asks, its voice changing to the one from before for a second. “Hey! No!” snaps Sister suddenly to its right in the feminine voice, looking to where no-one is sitting. “You need to settle down!” it warns, lifting a finger to point at the empty space. “You know I love you, but you’re too intense for strangers, you sleazeball!” scolds the skeleton at the perhaps-real, perhaps-imaginary ‘other’. “If you had just said ‘hi’ from the start instead of going on a philosophical tangent, they wouldn’t have broken our skull.”

“Sorry about that,” says Canta, doing another repetition. “So what’s your deal? You got a whole dungeon stuck inside of your head, huh?”

“It’s a whole story,” says Sister. “Way too long. Lots of family-drama, don’t even ask.”

“So are you just making bullshit up because you’re nuts, or do you really have voices in your head?” asks Canta.

“Honey! Stop being rude to our hosts!” snaps Alleluia.

He rolls his eyes, doing another repetition. “Our host is a talking skeleton who thinks they have the souls of an entire dungeon trapped in their head.”

“That sounds about right, yes,” says Sister, nodding.

Alleluia thinks for a moment. “You said your step-brother was a hero, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Is he still in your head too?”

“Yeah, but he’s not really a talker,” explains Sister. “The ladies used to really love him for some reason though.” Sister leans in. “Between you and me, I think it was just the whole ‘silent hero’ thing. Very mysterious.”

Alleluia frowns. “Does he know anything about killing the demon-king?”

Canta stops, freezing half-way up his movement and looks back at the skeleton. It shakes its head. “No, we never had a demon-king, I think? Let me ask the dungeon-master. Uh…” the one-eyed skeleton looks around itself and seems to stare off vacantly for a while into the distance. “No, the dungeon-master says that’s a new thing.” Sister lifts a finger. “I quote - ‘the dark-lord, rest his harrowed spirit, already had an anti-hero. A ‘demon-king’ is just a bullshit, genre-humping variant of an anti-hero who got too big for his britches because nobody was around to spank him.’ End quote.”

“Oh,” replies Alleluia, a bit let down. “Look, honestly, I think we’re kind of stuck.”

“Stuck?” asks Sister.

“Stuck,” says Canta, moving over to push-ups. “I need to kill the demon-king.”

“Why?” asks Sister.

“Because it’s my thing, okay? It’s what I do,” says Canta, annoyed. “But I’m not strong enough to do it and my only method of getting stronger has been locked off to me by king-is-a-dick.”

The skull starts rattling, as if the skeleton were having a spasm of some kind. It takes its hands, holding them on either side of its head, trying to keep it still. “No, look, you can’t, okay?” says the entity to someone else. “I don’t- UGH! What? Do you really gotta bring that up? I was young!” it asks, indignantly. “I don’t care if she’s bugging you, she’s your wife-not-wife, not mine. Go find a dark corner and do something in it with her. Bite her ears or something, I heard she likes that,” says Sister. Canta and Alleluia exchange a confused glance. “What? No! Hey! HEY!” yells the skeleton, before simply falling over limply forward.

“Are you okay?” asks Alleluia, bending over to shake the armor. Canta grabs her hand, stopping her.

“Don’t get involved in someone else’s family troubles,” he jokes.

The armor shakes and rattles, rising up from its slouched position onto all fours, hunching over forward in a frog-like manner, the head sharply turning his way. Canta pulls back an inch as he sees the now intensely glowing eye staring at him. It’s the same look as before.

He lifts a finger, pointing at Sister. “Are you… the guy?”

The skeleton tilts its head, speaking in the masculine voice again. “No, Guy is my best friend,” it says, slinking forward in a highly unnatural manner, its cape draped down around its sides. The thing grabs him by the shoulders, leaning in uncomfortably close towards his face. “He killed half of the world, you know?” it asks. “But that wasn’t his fault. It’s just how nature made him.”

“Uh…” Canta turns his head, looking at Alleluia. He feels his cheek rubbing against the skull.

“What your problem is is that you don’t have any grit,” says the skeleton. “Look at these ankles,” it says, averting its gaze down to his legs. “Like an angel’s.”

“What the fuck?”

“LISTEN!” yells the skeleton at him, as if it were yelling at him for changing the topic. “We’re going to do a thing,” it says, leaning in. “But only because I like the way your ankles look,” it explains. “And because you have shitty eyes and I hate them and I want to pull them out and squish-squish them into tiny, mushy, little driblets,” says Sister. “How good are you at fighting?”

“Pretty good,” shrugs Canta. “But I’m limited by my physical size and build. My body doesn’t grow.”

“And your class? Can you get abilities?”

“Only if I eat sins.”

“That’s oddly specific.”

Canta raises an eyebrow. “I’m not going to accept that coming from an ankle-man.”

“What’s an ankle-man?” asks Alleluia.

“LISTEN!” yells the skeleton. “We’re gonna do a thing.”

Canta sighs. “Fine, but can you let me go?” he asks as the skeleton stands upright. It holds him beneath his arms.

“Yes, of course.” The skeleton turns to Alleluia. “Please excuse me, miss. I’m going to be borrowing your husband. We have some EDUCATION to undergo.” Sister looks Canta up and down. “Is he a virgin?”

“Not after I got through with him,” says Alleluia proudly. But then suspiciously adds on. “Why…?”

“I need to know how intense the training should be,” explains the skeleton, matter of factly.

Canta stares, now entirely lost and a small amount unnerved, rightfully so. “…Huh?”

“How good is he at screaming?” asks Sister.

Alleluia stares at Sister, very confused. “Is that question related to the last question?”

“WE’RE DOING A THING!” yells the skeleton very abruptly. It lurches around and throws Canta across the field with incredible strength. Canta flies across the grass, sliding up through the dirt towards the foot of a staircase that leads to nowhere. Dizzily, he gets up, looking at the skeleton.

“What the fuck, man?!” he asks, holding his arms out to the side.

The skeleton, standing across from the field, points at its lance. “You’re going to run up the stairs now.”

“Huh?”

“One-hundred staircases,” says Sister. Tapping the lance. “Now.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, you lunatic?”

Sister stares at him for a while and then just sighs, shaking its head. “That’s your problem. Too many ‘whats’ and ‘whys’ and ‘hows’.” It says, walking towards him very slowly. “You’re wasting your time. Shut up and take the stairs. The only sound that should be coming from your mouth is a scream.” It walks up to him, poking and prodding him gently with the tip of the lance. Canta swipes it away. “You want to eat the demon-king,” says the thing, looking around them. “I don’t see him here.”

“That’s because he isn’t here. He’s back that way,” says Canta.

“Then why are you here?” It presses the blade of the lance softly back into him. “That’s your problem,” says Sister, pushing the blade against him despite his protests. “You want to escape the dungeon. But you’re just going downstairs the whole time like some kind of lame-ass hero-party - ah.” It looks away to the side. “No offense, man,” it says to some imaginary gestalt, before looking back at him. “You need to go UP the stairs. The demon-king is that way. The demon-king is upstairs. It’s a metaphor, you see.”

“I’m not strong enough to eat him though.”

“You will be, after climbing one-hundred sets of stairs,” says the skeleton.

Canta stares at it for a moment, but then nods, deciding it has a point. He gets up and looks at the staircase that leads to nowhere.

“Just between you and me,” whispers Sister into his ear. “I might have some sins for you.”

“Huh?”

“But only after the stairs. One-hundred flights. Let’s go. I’m not a hero, but I know how to fight, I know how to get where you want to go. I have so many things to show you,” promises the skeleton.

Canta’s stomach growls. He really needs a sin to eat. Soon. He sighs, slapping his cheeks and takes the first step up onto the staircase. He wonders what’s going to happen when he reaches the top?