Darkest Before Dawn - 21 (Patreon)

Chapter 21

As Kazuki walked to school after the day off they had after the USJ incident and the weekend, he tried to push what had happened to the side. He ignored the pain in his chest whenever he breathed too deeply. He paid no heed to the memories of his last loss of control. He just wanted to get on with things.

Kazuki knew, after all, that none of it could be solved right away. His wounds would finish healing soon enough. As for his actions, those would be more complicated, but the first step was what he had planned for that morning. He wouldn’t like it, and it would suck, majorly so, but it still needed to be done.

He wanted to be done with it all and as fast as possible.

That was probably why he arrived so early in the morning, he figured. Which turned out to be the wrong thing to do, because he saw a crew of reporters outside the school once more. Not quite the madness that had been the day when they’d broken into the school, but certainly a few. They might as well have been a small army, considering he was the only student there and thus, they all flocked to him.

Kazuki repeated his approach from before, keeping his mouth shut and his legs moving.

What was the worst they could do? Reveal who he was to the world? It would happen eventually, so that wasn’t going to be much of a pain. Sure, it would suck, but it was inevitable. He’d rather not have to worry about that and make the whole thing worse. Besides, he had friends that had stuck with him anyway.

Speaking of, nobody was at the classroom when he arrived, which wasn’t surprising. Once again, he was really early, but that was good. It’d make his first mission for the day easier. Thus, Kazuki found himself standing, leaning against the wall outside the classroom while he just waited. Alone with his thoughts, he listened to music while still picking up whatever his sense found in his surroundings.

That is, until someone else arrived.

“It’s good to see you well, Endo,” Yaoyorozu greeted him, a soft smile on her face, relieved and also simply happy. “Why are you outside though?” she asked then, seemingly quite perplexed by his actions. Which made sense, everyone always went straight inside, even if they didn’t always go to their respective seats.

“I could say the same about you,” he replied to her first statement with a slight smile of his own. “And yeah, my chest hurts a little at times, but I should be fine by the end of the week,” he told her, even though he’d relied as much through texts already. “I have something to do… Some people to talk to, after the mess in the USJ,” he added then, looking down the corridor, mostly so he wouldn’t look at her.

“I see…” Yaoyorozu mumbled. “I don’t know what I might have missed,” she said then, taking one more step closer to him, which made him turn towards her. “But I do know that the Grimm you sent towards us helped. We owe you. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t sent us back up.”

“I wasn’t having much trouble,” he muttered uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck. “So I thought I’d help the groups that were the most afraid and such. I… Well, I mean, I tried, that’s-”

“That’s what makes a hero, I think. Helping when you think someone needs a hand, isn’t that what we need to do?” Yaoyorozu asked him.

“I… Almost went on another… rampage,” he confessed, making her eyes widen. “I… If Aizawa hadn’t stopped me…”

“But it didn’t happen. You can’t punish yourself for things that might have happened,” she said, recovering remarkably quick. “I… I didn’t know what to do. I doubted a lot. Would things have gone better if I had taken one of the decisions I didn’t? Would things have been worse? Did I make a mistake? I… I keep asking myself all that, but I want to try and learn from this, so that if there’s a next time…” she trailed off then, but Kazuki nodded slowly.

“Yeah… Way to make me feel like an idiot, Yaoyorozu,” he replied with a wry smile. He knew his worries weren’t stupid, however. If the rampage had really happened, the people would have died, of that he was sure. That wasn’t quite the same as taking a bad decision or not taking a good one in an even worse situation as Yaoyorozu said. At least, he didn’t think so.

“I do get better grades than you,” she commented, mostly joking. Not that she was wrong though.

“You do,” he agreed with a short chuckle.

“Well… I’ll be waiting inside then,” Yaoyorozu commented, apparently reading his intent well. Still, Kazuki couldn’t help but give her an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like I don’t want you here I just-”

“Want to be alone, I get it,” she finished for him with a smile on her face. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks,” he said, deflating a little as the tension left his shoulders. “For understanding and for just… For being my friend.”

“Of course,” she replied, beaming at him. “As Mineta would say, you are stuck with us now.”

“I wouldn’t learn too much from him if I were you, Beauty,” he commented, drawing a giggle from her.

“Gee, and here I was worried about you, Creepy,” a new voice commented, making Kazuki turn towards Mineta, who was giving both of them an unimpressed expression. If anything, that only made things even funnier.

“Tiny, good to see you are fine too,” he greeted with a smile. “I remember sending a beowolf towards you and your group to help but… Well, things got a little out of control after that,” he commented, almost missing the fact that Yaoyorozu slipped inside the classroom when he looked away from her.

“I saw, Endo,” Mineta told him, making his eyes widen. He shouldn’t have been, however. It made perfect sense, after all.

Of course he saw. He had been by the entrance, which had a semi-clear view of the plaza at the center where Kazuki had gone off the rails. ‘Who else was in his group? Uraraka? Midoriya? Who else?’ he wondered, his mind working overtime to try and remember.

“It’s fine, man,” Mineta told him, giving Kazuki a light punch on the shoulder to get him to focus. “I don’t care. Honestly, I probably would have gone at least a little mad considering the situation. It’s just that my Quirk doesn’t really have that… feature,” he admitted, rubbing his arm. “You really need to train with that though, I think. Can’t really be a hero if you go mad in those situations… Even if it was too early for us to be thrown off the deep end.”

“That’s… surprisingly wise of you, man,” Kazuki replied, looking at Mineta with slightly widened eyes. “What’s up with everyone being smart all of a sudden?”

“You are an asshole, Creepy,” Mineta grumbled before noticing how he looked down the corridor on occasion. “Waiting for Bakugo and Kirishima?”

“Yeah, do you know if-”

“Kirishima didn’t seem upset or anything,” Mineta reassured, making Kazuki sigh. “I don’t know about Bakugo, but Kirishima seemed more concerned for your health than anything else… Together with Ashido,” his vertically challenged friend explained, the last part seemingly taking actual effort to come out. “I still don’t like her though.”

“We talked about this, Mineta.”

“I know, I know, I just… It wasn’t your fault. I can’t see how anyone could think that,” the short guy said, making him smile.

“And that’s why you are a great friend, Mineta,” Kazuki told him. “This is gonna sound terrible, but I’m really glad you got rejected after the Entrance Exam.”

“Yeah, you were right. It sounds terrible,” his friend grumbled. “But… I’m glad I got rejected too, I guess. Not like that would have gone anywhere, I think. Better friends than nothing.”

“That’s the spirit, man. I’m sure we can find you someone to-” Kazuki started, before cutting himself off. Someone had rounded a corner into the corridor they were in.

“You wanna be left alone?” Mineta asked.

“Please.”

“Thank goodness,” Mineta replied, relieved, as he walked into the classroom. “Good luck, man.”

“Thanks,” Kazuki mumbled as the person got closer, his eyes glaring at him. ‘Well, someone’s feeling friendly today,’ he thought to himself. There was no way around it. “Could we talk for a bit… Bakugo?”

“About what, B-Movie?”

“I’m sorry,” he said instantly, because he didn’t want to beat around the bush. That’d only make the apology seem less truthful. “I know it doesn’t make up for anything, but I’m really sorry I lost control at the US-”

“Spare me, B-Movie. I know who you are now,” Bakugo barked out, glaring all the while. ‘Now, that’s more what I expected from people from the beginning,’ Kazuki thought wryly. “If anything, I’m pissed off that it took me this long to figure it out.”

“I’m sorry?” Kazuki repeated, this time confused. He probably shouldn’t feel guilty about that, but he was guilty of other things, however.

“You should be, B-Movie,” the blonde growled at him. “You…” the other boy trailed off then, his expression shifting a bit. It was still angry, still scowling, still pretty much the same, but Kazuki noticed. The change on the outside was almost unnoticeable, but the one on the inside was much more obvious. The annoyance and anger were pushed to the side by fear, guilt and pain, emotional pain. “Just have better control next time, B-Movie,” he muttered under his breath.

“I will,” Kazuki replied, just as lowly, while the explosive blonde walked past him into the classroom. That was… not how he’d expected that to go. He’d thought there’d be cursing, and accusations, and… Something other than that. “What the fuck?” he whispered under his breath.

“Thanks for the help, man!” a new voice called from down the corridor, snapping him out of his confusion. For a bit, at least. When he turned, he saw Kaminari walking towards him, all smiles and general good mood. He barely even registered in his sense with slight fear, probably lingering from the whole USJ mess and little else. “We were in a tough spot with Asui and Yaoyorozu before your bird thing helped us.”

“We were,” the aforementioned frog girl offered, appearing from out of nowhere to join the conversation. Kazuki felt a little better about being surprised and jumping when Kaminari reacted the same way. The girl had somehow slipped past him even. There was nothing in there for him to even pick up, apparently. Well, there was fear and nerves too, but it flickered in and out of his sense, actually, and both were also really weak. “Thank you, Endo.”

“It’s fine,” he offered awkwardly. He’d come to school expecting to apologize and have a few people hate him or being afraid not… grateful. It was weird.

“Anyway, thanks for the save, man, we owe you one,” Kaminari told him, patting him on the back before going inside the classroom.

“We really do,” Asui agreed, her expression flat before she followed the other boy.

‘Very weird,’ Kazuki thought to himself, feeling confused and surprised.

“Endo,” yet another new voice said and this time he stiffened. ‘One after another, because I can’t have things easy, can I?’ he complained to himself, looking at Ashido and Kirishima. Both looked about as comfortable as Kazuki himself felt and they were feeling worse inside.

“You really scared me,” Ashido mumbled and he barely was able to pick up her voice. “You were there, on the floor, coughing out blood and… And you kept going, for no reason.”

‘It wasn’t for no reason,’ he thought but he kept quiet.

“I’m fine. I’ll just… I’ll finish my recovery through the week and that’ll be it,” Kazuki told her, feeling rather awkward. ‘Let’s get this over with,’ he thought to himself. “I… I’m sorry, Kirishima. I… I lost control and there’s no excuse for that. I’m sorry that I hit you and-”

“Endo,” the other boy interrupted, his voice a serious cadence that Kazuki was sure he hadn’t heard from him before. “It’s fine. I… I might have hit some of those villains harder than I should, you know?” Kirishima admitted. “It’s not the same, but our Quirks are not the same either. I… I don’t hold that against you. Don’t worry,” the boy reassured. “Now… Mina wanted to talk with you though, and alone, so I’ll leave you two to it… Maybe you should go further from the door though.”

And with that, as if afraid he’d stop him, Kirishima left through the door. Kazuki cursed him in his mind, as he awkwardly stood in front of Ashido. The girl couldn’t even look at him, instead staring straight down at the floor. Her emotions were a mess that told him nothing too. She seemed confused, apprehensive, guilty, hurt, nervous, fearful.

“I-”

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out before he could really say anything. “I’m sorry I pulled away and didn’t talk to you. I just, I had a reason, I promise, but I-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Ashido,” he reassured, his voice soft instead of the annoyance or anger he supposed she expected. “I can think of many reasons for how you acted and all of them are understandable. It’s fine. I don’t think less of you.”

“I don’t think less of you either,” Ashido said quickly, as if afraid he’d disappear or something. “I- The reason was-”

“Ashido,” he interrupted softly. “You don’t have to give me reasons or explanations. It’s fine.”

“It is, but I want to. I…” Ashido hesitated for a moment. “My aunt was there.”

“... Yeah, I imagined it was something like that,” he told her with a sad smile on his face. That was not a surprise at all, really. He’d expected it’d be something of the sort. It was actually a better prospect than her being there, he supposed.

Did thinking that make him a terrible person? He thought it did.

“Shizuna Moteki,” Ashido mumbled. “My aunt’s name, she was-”

“Buried under a building that collapsed,” Kazuki finished for her, leaving her wide-eyed. “She lost an arm there. I don’t know if it was due to my Grimm or due to the building though, it didn’t say.”

“You knew her?” Ashido whispered. “She never said.”

“I didn’t,” he answered with a shrug. “Twenty seven people died during the Black Rampage. Eighty six were injured, eighteen of those permanently. I made it a point to memorize their names and what happened to them. Took me a while, I’m terrible with names and memorizing things.”

“I… see,” Ashido mumbled.

“Yeah, so… I understand,” Kazuki replied with a nod before turning and leaving. As he did though, he paused at the door, picking up on rather strong feelings coming from someone that was approaching his classroom. He’d have ignored them though, considering the situation but… It was so strong, so focused…

Shaking his head, he crossed into the classroom.

He could consider that latter… He had a lot in his mind at the moment.

[}-o-{]

He sat in silence, the couch under him feeling too soft. The person across the desk kept their mouth shut and that only made things worse. Kazuki’s mind worked over time to try and find something to say, something to fill the void.

Instead, it kept running into topics he didn’t want to talk about. Topics that hurt and topics that were awkward and topics that were both. ‘That’s kind of the point, right?’ he thought to himself, letting out a sigh.

“Not going to tell me to, you know, say something?” he asked, trying and failing to sound casual and like he was joking.

“No. This is more of a formality,” Inui – or Hound Dog, but he’d introduced himself with his real name when Kazuki entered the room – told him simply, seemingly pretty comfortable with the whole awkward silence that hung on the room. It was almost… ‘Maybe it’s just me,’ Kazuki considered. “If you do feel like talking about something, I’m here to hear you out, and help you if you want or need me to,” the man added.

“... I’m scared,” he admitted after another moment of silence.

“Scared of what?” Inui prompted calmly.

“I’m scared of messing up again,” Kazuki admitted, looking off to the side. “I thought I had my Quirk under control. I thought I had it… under control. I thought I wasn’t ever going to have something like that happen. Or that maybe it’d be something more drastic.”

“More drastic than being attacked by a group of villains?”

“I thought… I thought that if I ever lost control again, I’d be dying or something, that it’d be a… Absolute last resort of some kind, not…” Kazuki trailed off then. “I thought I had more control than that…”

He felt his strength leave him then as he deflated on his couch.

“I’m scared that I’ll mess up,” he whispered. “I’m scared… And nervous and angry. About the situation, about my situation, about my future, about… A lot of things,” he admitted, running his fingers through his hair.

“It’s understandable,” Inui told him and Kazuki was surprised to know how those simple words helped. How much they made it all seem… Less chaotic, less erratic, less like he was crazy.

“I say that I hate my Quirk a lot,” Kazuki commented, almost randomly. “I say it all the time, because it sucks and I really hate it.”

“That’s understandable too, Endo,” Inui said, leaning forward a bit to punctuate that he wasn’t done this time. “Your Quirk places you in a situation where you have to constantly deal with outside pressures that you shouldn’t have to. It’s-”

“There’s a part of my Quirk that nobody understands,” Kazuki interrupted then, letting out a shaky breath as he stood up. “And I… I’d almost forgotten about it, or pushed that part… that issue aside. I’d almost stopped acknowledging that because… It made everything easier but…”

“But the USJ Incident brought the issue back up?” Inui prompted.

“Yes… It did.” Kazuki nodded, looking out the window. “I hate my Quirk because I don’t know… It doesn’t let me know…”

“Know what?” Inui asked then and Kazuki turned towards him. “If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

“I don’t. It’s… Nice. I think you care,” he replied, almost surprised about that fact. “In juvie, when I went to talk to someone they… They were afraid, or disgusted or… Some other thing that wasn’t nice,” he finished with a bitter chuckle. “I don’t feel anything from you except maybe a little sadness, a little pity and that’s… That’s nice. I don’t like the pity but it’s still… Better than the alternatives.”

“We care, Endo. Everyone here cares about you, just as we do all the other students,” Inui told him and he smiled as he leaned on a piece of furniture, his eyes looking through the window’s glass.

“And it’s crazy,” Kazuki followed the man’s statement. “I never… I never thought someone would care. I imagined it’d happen but it’d always felt so… So far. You know? Like when you are a kid and you think about your dream job. You know it can happen but… Deep down, you don’t think it’s a real possibility.”

“But it is. You must know that by now,” Inui commented, tilting his head a bit to look better towards Kazuki. The boy himself didn’t really pay that too much attention, besides noticing that it happened through the reflection on the window.

“I do… Sort of. I’m slowly acknowledging that as something that can happen,” Kazuki replied, looking at a bird passing by. “You know? I bought a bunch of plants for my apartment. I learned that I like alternative rock. I think that’s what Jiro called it. I learned that listening to music really helps with my sense for negative emotions. I learned that I like playing stupid gacha games on my phone.”

“Sounds like you are having a good time,” Inui said and Kazuki snorted, moving back to sit on the couch.

“I am,” he acknowledged. “This might just be the happiest I’ve ever been. That I can remember, at least. I have friends, I have a somewhat clear future, I have… People care and I’m… Yeah, I’m having a good time.”

“You deserve that, Endo,” Inui told him, making his eyes snap towards the counselor then. “The only bad thing is that it took this long for you to find out so much about life that you should have always been able to have. And I can say, on behalf of this entire institution, that I’m very sorry that you had to suffer through what happened at the USJ. We failed you and we’ll do our best to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“I believe you,” Kazuki said, because he detected no sign of deception on the man’s face… which would have been difficult, he supposed, considering that he looked like a werewolf. He also got nothing from his emotions though, even if those could be easily fooled too. Still, he did believe Hound Dog, much to his surprise.

“Not to pressure you or anything,” the hero started then, immediately getting even more of his attention. “But do you want to talk about what you said before? About this aspect of your Quirk that nobody understands?”

“I…” Kazuki started, hesitating for a moment. “Would it be fine if I left it for later? I just…”

“That’s completely fine. For one, we’ll have plenty more sessions like this. For another, again, this is a formality, you don’t need to do anything here, really,” Inui reassured him, getting him to smile, a little relieved.

“What I do want to talk about is… I want to train my Quirk,” he said. “I can’t… I can’t escape it, as much as I’d want to. So… I wondered if it’d be fine for me to train with my power, to push it further than I’ve been. I’ve been limiting myself to a certain number of Grimm and a certain speed of generation but…”

“But you want to push it further, so if you need to use more, like you did at the USJ, you won’t snap,” Inui finished for him and he nodded hesitantly. “I can see why you are hesitant and nervous. It is a dangerous thing to do, especially for you. However, it could also be dangerous not to do it. Quirks don’t take kindly to being contained in any way, I’d know.”

Kazuki wondered, for a moment, if the man said that because he’d experienced that himself or because he’d seen it happen with students. Or maybe it was both, for all that he knew. At the end of the day though, he imagined it didn’t really matter.

“So, I’d say go for it, but do it in a safe way.”

“I know, I have some ideas. Mainly to have my friends watch me in case I start losing control or something,” Kazuki commented idly, deflating a little. “Man, it’s really weird to have supportive people around.”

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I’m really sad to hear that. However, I’m also happy that you finally have something you always should have,” Inui told him.

“Why wouldn’t I like that?” Kazuki asked, giving the man a sad smile. “Pity sucks but… it’s better than many other things. At least, pity means you care.” With that said, he turned back to the window once more, thinking of what else to say, what else he wanted to say. “How long do I have to stay here?”

“We’ve already covered the time you should be here. If you want to stay, however, that’s your choice,” Inui answered, his tone just as inviting as it had been throughout the whole thing.

“Thanks, but I think this’ll be it for today. I have… a lot to think and a lot to process,” Kazuki mumbled, standing up.

“If you need anything, anything at all, just contact me or another teacher. We are all here for you, to help with whatever you may need,” the hero told him.

“Thanks. That… That actually means a lot,” Kazuki said. “I’ll keep it in mind.” As he started walking to the door, he tried to remember the last time someone had offered to help him like that before Nezu got him out of the hole he’d been in. He couldn’t remember, if he were honest. “Oh, um…”

“Yes?” Inui urged him, standing up to watch him leave.

“I don’t know if you can tell me this kind of thing but…” Kazuki hesitated for a moment before deciding to just go for it. He didn’t want to stay silent if something was going on. Someone might be in need of help so… “Did something happen with Aoyama?”

“Why?” the hero asked, seemingly taken aback by the question.

“He felt… awfully guilty this morning, so I wondered if something had happened with him at USJ. He might need some help himself,” Kazuki explained, receiving a tilt of the man’s head in response before the hero spoke again.

“We’ll look into it.”

[} Chapter End {]

Hey guys! How’s it going?

I very much don’t like how that first part turned out. I feel like there are too many conversations in quick succession. However, that’s how my characters and the muse feel the scene should play out so… Yeah, I guess I’ll just have to hope it’s not as bad as I think it is.

The session with Hound Dog has me a little nervous too, honestly, if not quite as much.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Discord Link: discord.gg/UTDransjJZ

Random Question: Is it day or night when you are reading this? I finished editing and writing this notes during the day.

See you.