Darkest Before Dawn - 20 (Patreon)

Chapter 20

“You were a reckless idiot.”

“I was,” Kazuki admitted with a sad smile.

“You let your Quirk take over again, deliberately sabotaging yourself, if your recount of events is to be believed.”

“I did,” he agreed, looking forward but slightly down. He didn’t have the courage to meet the person’s eyes, as it was. He’d messed up and he knew it. This was just… adding salt to the injury, really.

… It’d been so good too, to believe that he could be a hero.

“You attacked other students,” the person next to him accused and he grimaced. Sure, he didn’t like Bakugo and Kirishima wasn’t a particularly close friend anymore but… It still sucked. They were still classmates, after all. Innocents. “You got involved in a fight that was not your own, when there were heroes that could take care of things.”

He’d have protested that one. Aizawa and Thirteen were basically out of the fight, it seemed. On top of that, Kazuki was sure that All Might had been too, even if the man had been standing. Maybe his reading of his sense’s feedback had been wrong, but he rather doubted that.

“I did,” he admitted with a sigh anyway. What difference would it make? Even if one of the things he did was arguably not that bad, it wasn’t anywhere near close to the worst thing he’d done back at the USJ. It’d be pointless to argue that.

“I expect you to do better in the future.”

“I understand, si-” Kazuki started, before pausing and blinking. “In the future… sir?” he asked hesitantly, turning to look at Aizawa. It hurt, to see his teacher covered in bandages, but he’d been reassured that the man would make a full recovery, which was the important part.

Everyone would, as far as he’d been told. There’d been a few serious cases involved, Aizawa and Thirteen being the main ones, of course. He’d heard Hagakure had been out of it too, but that Recovery Girl had taken care of that real quick. Sato had apparently been to a hospital too, but he’d been let out in less than a day or so.

So, Kazuki was the one that recovered the slowest. Apparently, his internal wounds were too serious for Recovery Girl to just heal him with her Quirk. From what he’d been told, the woman’s power allowed her to speed up natural recovery, but that wouldn’t quite work with him considering his ribs had been all messed up.

So, he’d been hospitalized and then treated by the healing hero. Even then, the woman couldn’t heal him right away and had to heal him bit by bit. Which sucked, because every “session” left him exhausted even though all he did all day was stay in the hospital bed.

“I… don’t think I heard you correctly, sir,” Kazuki mumbled, looking at the man in disbelief. In response, Aizawa just looked at him. However, he could feel the emotions coming from the man. Besides the pain from his injuries, there was pity too. Some guilt and frustration, but mostly pity.

“You are not being expelled, Endo,” the man told him, as if he’d read his mind. His eyes widened then and he had to stop himself from being too hopeful. There was no way… No way…

“I, but I… I lost control, I turned… I almost let out…”

“But you didn’t,” Aizawa said, interrupting his incoherent babbling. “You’ve been in control of yourself and your Quirk for years now and the whole faculty has been witness to how good your hold on both is, in class and in the training facility recordings. That’s not going to go away just because you slipped once, Endo. Especially not considering the circumstances.”

“But I… At the end there, I was about to-”

“There were villains everywhere, Endo. You were outnumbered, overwhelmed and in a desperate situation. Nobody blames you for what you did. If anything, the school should be blamed for what happened, not you. You should never have been in such a situation,” Aizawa explained, and Kazuki could tell, even behind all his bandages and long hair, that the man meant what he said. Unless he could fake those levels of guilt and shame, that is, which would honestly be very impressive.

“That’s… That’s good,” Kazuki mumbled, gripping tightly at the covers. He couldn’t believe it. He was already seeing himself back in juvie, if he were honest. Not in a million years did he expect to remain at U.A. after almost causing another Rampage. “That’s great,” he breathed out. He continued shaking where he sat, his previous nerves and dread turning him into a trembling mess instead.

“Unfortunately,” Aizawa started then, making Kazuki tense up all over again. Immediately, the man rolled his eyes and the boy felt exasperation roll off of the man. “I am here to tell you that there’ll be consequences all the same. We have to keep up appearances, even if we don’t think they are necessary. There’s more people than us involved in your case and we have to keep them happy.”

“If I’m not being expelled, I’ll do whatever you want,” he replied, chuckling nervously. He even meant what he said. Would they cut off his free time, tighten his leash and keep him at the apartment when he wasn’t in class? Would he have to be escorted everywhere and maybe took out of his class or something? He could take all that.

If he could still be a hero, if he could still help people, he’d take it.

“It was decided that you’ll have to start going to the school’s counselor for the foreseeable future, Endo,” Aizawa told him and Kazuki nodded. Then he waited, but the silence stretched.

“... And?” he asked, preparing himself for the worst.

“That’s it,” Aizawa replied, drawing even more incredulity from the boy.

“What? But that’s… Basically nothing!” he said, unsure if he was arguing or what, really. “It’s literally nothing. I was going to ask for that anyway!”

“Then it’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Aizawa replied, apparently amused by his reaction, if his muffled voice was anything to go by. “And what’s this about already wanting to go?”

“I… I just… I feel like I need to talk to someone after… that,” he answered hesitantly, his fingers curling around a handful of the cloth that covered him on his bed. “Not that I don’t trust you, or my friends, or anything but… I used to go to the psychologist back in… Well, in juvie, and it never helped much, I don’t think, but… Well, I… I liked to talk to someone. I think it helped that I didn’t know them and I don’t think they cared so…”

“It was a way to vent, get things out,” Aizawa supplied, making him nod.

“Yeah. I… I hate my Quirk, and I’m afraid of having to use it again,” he admitted, looking down. Some hero he’d make, being such a coward. Some hero he’d make, being more dangerous than the villains themselves. “I’m afraid of having to push it again. Will I need to summon more creatures some other time? Will I need to summon faster for some reason? What if I slip up again and you aren’t there to stop me? I hate my Quirk but… But I want to use it. I know it can be used for good but…”

“Understandable,” Aizawa said, nodding slightly. “Your Quirk is more dangerous and unstable than the average one. Being afraid and nervous to use it is completely understandable,” he explained. “I think it’s commendable, that you are already thinking of how to get over that. Most people would fall to their fear, deciding not to use it entirely. I know that has happened before.”

“I… I can’t decide not to use it,” Kazuki replied, smiling bitterly. “I tried, way back when… After things happened. I tried to never summon a Grimm again but… That just makes things worse, so… I need to keep moving forward. I need to improve.”

“You could not become a hero. We aren’t forcing you on this path, Endo. Even if it seems that way, Nezu likes you, and those of us that have had the… pleasure of knowing you like you too,” Aizawa told him, putting a sarcastic emphasis to “pleasure” that Kazuki knew he didn’t mean. “We’ll help you, if this isn’t what you want to do.”

For a moment, after that, Kazuki remained silent. He didn’t know how to answer to that, really. As if he didn’t have enough on his plate trying to process the fact that he wasn’t being expelled or even punished in any meaningful way… Being told that felt like another thing being dropped on him out of nowhere.

He didn’t think he had a chance of not being a hero. He’d thought his future would be either being miserable or being a hero, with no in between. He’d thought himself without chances and now… Now he was being told he had all the chances in the world…

And yet…

“No,” Kazuki said, his voice low but firm. “I’ll be a hero.”

He heard his teacher snort then and he would have sworn that the man was smirking under the bandages.

“That’s the spirit, kid.”

[}-o-{]

“You are good to go,” Recovery Girl told him, giving him a pat on the arm. “Do try to be less active for the next week, alright?”

“I’m guessing I can use my Quirk though, right?” he asked, standing up and stretching a little. Being mostly confined to the bed was more than a little annoying, being free again was great.

“That should be alright. You just have to be careful not to strain yourself. You might be healed, but that doesn’t mean you are fine. It’ll take a bit to fully recover,” Recovery Girl told him, looking at him with narrowed eyes as he moved around.

“Ok, I can do that. I can study, and train my Quirk. Not doing physical exercise won’t be too bad,” he commented, smiling at the woman. “Thank you for the help.”

“It’s what I’m here for,” the woman told him, a kind smile on her face. “I’ll admit, it’s nice to have a patient that actually listens. You wouldn’t believe how many people are difficult about the smallest things.”

“I mean, I want to train anyway, but there’s a lot of things I have to work on. I’ll just work on something else until I can go back to sparring and such,” Kazuki admitted, taking a deep breath in. It still felt difficult. It didn’t hurt but it was uncomfortable to do so. “Do I have to come for a check up later on or something?”

“It’d be better if you came by at the end of the week, but you should be good by then,” the woman answered, tilting her head slightly and Kazuki was suddenly feeling like he was being analyzed under a microscope.

“I’ll drop by then if it’s not a problem, ma’am,” he told her, trying to sound as polite as possible. He didn’t want to get on anyone’s bad side. Some people had to be a bit more wary of him now, right? No way word hadn’t gotten out of what happened at the USJ. Besides, this was the school nurse. In U.A., he was likely to have to deal with her often. It’d be better if he wasn’t on her bad side.

“You are a smart cookie, huh?” the woman asked him, grinning slightly. “I’ll be waiting for you then. Don’t disappoint me.”

“I won’t?” he replied hesitantly. How was he even supposed to be able to do that in the first place? Doing physical exercises when she expressly told him not to? He wasn’t that much of an idiot. And besides, he regularly stayed at the school after hours on the training facilities. What was a little detour to the infirmary on Friday, really?

“See that you don’t,” Recovery said then, hitting her cane on the ground, as if physically ending their conversation, before leaving the room.

[}-o-{]

Kazuki had been making his way back home, to his apartment. Besides the obvious freedom of being able to leave his bed and all, moving back from the hospital to his place was much better for a number of reasons. For one, he hadn’t had access to his phone or anything on the days he was otherwise undisposed. For another… he just missed the place.

It was still mostly bare, sure, but it was his. It was his in a way that even his father’s house back before the Rampage had never been. It was his in a way that nothing had ever been before then. It was his place, he’d added little touches everywhere, through the days, the weeks. Like the many books he filled the shelves with, or the plants on the balcony, or the way he’d set up half the dining table as a desk.

So, he was looking forward to being there once again.

Which is why he was rather pissed off when he saw people waiting for him outside his door. He’d have been something else if he hadn’t known better though. As it was, he just turned to look at Aizawa, who had been accompanying him for some reason. Considering the police were apparently looking for him, Kazuki now knew why the man had been interested in doing that.

“Don’t worry,” the man told him simply, bluntly. Somehow, that entirely too weak, bland reassurance worked. Kazuki nodded and turned to regard the officers and who seemed to be a detective, at least if he went by his outfit. He was a pessimistic little shit and he knew it, but even Kazuki couldn’t find a reason for Aizawa to tell him that things were fine just before throwing him back to juvie or something like that anyway.

“Kazuki Endo, I’m Detective Tsukauchi. We have a few questions in regards to what happened at the Unforeseen Simulation Joint,” the now confirmed detective told him without so much as a greeting. Judging by the look of the guy and how utterly exhausted he felt to his sense though, Kazuki thought he could cut him some slack.

“Sure thing, can we do this inside? Do you want anything? I have coffee, tea, juice and water,” he offered as politely as possible. The faster they got done with things, the faster he could relax. He also wanted to check in with his friends. He had heard that Hagakure was fine, but he wanted to verify, just in case. Everyone else was supposed to be fine too, but it wouldn’t hurt to find that out for himself too.

“We are good, but doing this in private would be better, I imagine,” the detective answered, to which Kazuki nodded. A minute later they were all inside. Regrettably, he was short a few chairs at his table, but the police officers seemed to be fine just standing while Kazuki, Aizawa and the detective sat at the dining table. He had to clear some of the mess he’d left on the piece of furniture before everything went to shit though. After all, he had been using part of it as a desk.

“What can I help you with?” Kazuki asked, already having some ideas of where things would go. He really didn’t like what those were though, but considering his luck…

“If you could give us a report of what happened from your side of things, it might give us a better insight on what happened,” the detective told him and Kazuki deflated where he sat. “We’ve been made aware that there were… Less than ideal situations and that things were less than ideal as a whole. We just want to know so we can, maybe, gather more information on the villain group that attacked you and your class.”

Hesitantly, he turned to give Aizawa a look. When the man nodded, Kazuki took a deep breath in before nodding himself. He spoke slowly, trying to wring every detail he could from his memories. Anything, from the villains that had been teleported with him, to every piece of nonsense they had said. Even when he knew it was useless, he just… He didn’t want to assume anything and if a single asinine piece of information could make the difference, then he wanted to try and give it.

The only thing he resolutely didn’t explain was why he had commanded his beowolves to attack the villains at the end. That was All Might’s secret, after all, and Kazuki would tell absolutely no one, not even the police. He’d be the first to admit that the authorities could be of dubious trustworthiness, after all. He wanted to trust them, he really did, but that could only extend so far.

“I’m sure All Might appreciates what you did,” Tsukauchi told him with a very specific smile on his face. Behind him, the officers looked at the man in confusion. Kazuki, for his part, blinked at the man. ‘He knows?’ he wondered to himself.

“Or maybe he just thinks I’m an idiot. I was pretty out of it from the hit. Even I don’t know why I did that,” he said, because that was his story and he’d stick to it, come hell or high water.

“That’s fine,” Tsukaichi reassured, still giving him the same smile that the officers couldn’t see. Kazuki decided to ask All Might about that as soon as possible. Until he could confirm anything, he’d keep quiet. “Now, I mean no offense with this, but I have to ask.”

“Hit me with it, Detective. Honestly, things are already going much better than I expected them to. You couldn’t ruin this for me if you tried,” Kazuki told him. Tempting Murphy, maybe, but he was feeling brave. A day before, he thought he’d be thrown back into the hole he’d been taken out of. Now that he wasn’t, he wasn’t sure how they could make him feel bad.

“Did you have anything to do with the villain attack?” the detective asked and Kazuki just chuckled. He’d expected something along those lines.

“Besides being a victim? No,” he replied confidently and the man seemed surprised that he’d taken that so well. “I honestly expected that question first. Gotta question the villain kid if he was somehow helping, right?”

“You are not a villain, Endo,” Aizawa said, his first actual words through the whole event, actually. Kazuki was almost surprised to hear him, really.

“Can you confirm this in any way?” Tsukauchi asked then. “Can you prove that you didn’t help the villains and that you weren’t involved in any way with it besides your capacity as a victim? This isn’t because you are an actual suspect, but to keep… people from making assumptions and assuaging worries.”

“This is my phone, I don’t have any other. You can check the place if you feel like it,” he said simply as he pulled his phone from the backpack that had been brought back to his place at some point. Aizawa had told him about that on the way, actually. “What I do is semi-monitored, but I’m sure you know that. Most of my days I’m either here, at school or with friends. You can check with them that I was, indeed, with them at all the times I wasn’t at any of the places I mentioned.”

“That’s good… Too good,” Tsukauchi replied, smiling wryly at him. “If I didn’t know you are actually a good kid from what I’ve been told so far, I’d think you were getting your alibi ready.”

To that, Kazuki just shrugged. He’d just been honest. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t have much to do when he was alone. What was the point of going out by himself? He’d rather spend that time with his friends or preparing for the future.

“That’ll be all, thank you for your cooperation,” Tsukauchi told him then, looking at the notes he’d been making before standing up.

“Happy to help,” Kazuki replied blandly.

[}-o-{]

Once he was by himself, Kazuki moved through his now silent apartment to the balcony. There, he sat in the middle of his plants, his back against the door behind him and the sun shining down on him. The sunset was near, but his eyes remained on the colorful flowers and leaves in front of him.

With a sigh, he checked his phone.

The first thing he did was checking the many messages that had been thrown there in his absence. Apparently, they’d more or less worried in general, but after a round of reassurances from everyone in the group chat, they’d mostly calmed down. There was a comment here and there about the USJ, but it didn’t seem like his friends were very eager to speak about that just yet.

Which suited Kazuki just fine, really. Considering there was a decent chance that his friends had witnessed his loss of control, he’d been really worried about getting into contact with everyone. Eager too, because he wanted to know how they were doing, but once he’d done that… Well, concerns had come back to the forefront of his mind, for sure.

So, it was with great relief and fondness that he saw his friends ask about him several times. If they had heard of him, if the teachers had said anything, if anyone knew in which hospital he was and so on. There were also general worries about his general well being too.

It was all very touching and Kazuki would admit that he sat there smiling at the screen for a long time… In the privacy of his own mind, that is. ‘Maybe I should stop worrying,’ he considered, even though he knew it wouldn’t be an easy thing.

Kazuki was also very surprised though, when he saw that Kirishima and Ashido had been added into the group. Some reading had revealed the reason. There’d been some… aloofness directed at them, but they either didn’t care or they had ignored it. The main thing was that Ashido seemed to have been the one that had been with him at the end, when he was half out of it and before passing out. She’d been the voice he heard and the one that had been with him…

They’d expressed a desire to know if anyone had heard anything about how he was doing.

Also, Ashido wanted to talk with him, it seemed… That made Kazuki a little nervous, he’d admit.

‘Hey, guys,’ he sent. Lackluster, he supposed, but he didn’t feel like trying to make a speech or anything. ‘I’m well,’ he added and anticipating the questions, he went to write another message. ‘Recovery Girl said I should take it easy on physical training for the week but otherwise, I’m right as rain.’

Hagakure was the first one to answer. Very enthusiastically so, if he was honest, considering she sent like ten messages rapidfire and with a lot of emojis and exclamation marks and so on. It was actually quite adorable, but he did his best to answer all questions and reassure all worries. He also sent some of those back himself, considering what he’d heard about her own experiences in USJ.

Apparently, she’d been frozen almost completely. On the fortunate side of things, nothing bad had happened besides that, which was a small mercy, really. She’d been basically fine once she was taken care of by Recovery Girl.

Yaoyorozu joined soon after and Kazuki found himself fondly talking with his friends all over again. There were a lot of concerns that needed to be assuaged all around still, of course, but it was still chatting with his friends. He wouldn’t trade that for the world. Soon, they were moving about to other topics and it became even better for Kazuki. He did wonder if everyone was fine with talking about more mundane things now that the moment of fear and nerves had passed.

He certainly was, after all.

[} Chapter End {]

Hey guys! How’s it going?

Hmm, I’m not sure how well handled this aftermath chapter is, especially the part with Tsukauchi but the entire thing makes me nervous, I gotta admit. Which I know I say every time but… Alright, I have no excuse, but that doesn’t make it less true.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter.

Discord Link: discord.gg/UTDransjJZ

Random Question: What do you think is gonna happen now in the next few chapters?

See you.