Just in case... (Patreon)

Hello to everyone who reads this,  I'll try to be brief.

Today i'm not talking to you as "Ikku" but as the person who is behind this account.

I don't usually like to talk about me or my personal life in my social media. I usually try to keep my platforms as a medium to share my work so my audience don't have to mind about my bored life or be involved in stupid dramas that have nothing to do with my projects.

But in this case, and because you've been really wonderful with me i feel the need to let you know about my current situation just in case something happens to me and i suddendly stop posting new content or responding messages on all my pages... I wouldn't want anyone to think i just dissapeared because i wanted quit. I love my job and i have a lot of projects i still want to share with you as long as i can so i want to clarify that im not quitting this unless something happens to me.

By the way, sorry if my english is not the best, my native language is spanish.

Serious Health Problems:

Well... Now to the main topic. I'm having some serious health problems since May 2023 (2 months ago). It all started with a moderate back pain, then it evolved into a severe back + legs pain and finally, after some weeks it evolved into a intense burning pain in the back, legs and feets. This condition is called "Sciatica" it refers to a severe pain that travels along the path of the sciatic nerve. The sciatic nerve travels from the lower back through the hips and buttocks and down each leg. Sciatica most often occurs when a herniated disk or an overgrowth of bone puts pressure on part of the nerve, making it very painful to stand or even walk a little.

The pain can only be compared to some kind of torture you would only experience in hell. The pain never goes away... The pan won't let you sleep all night... The pain won't let you move as much as you want... You can't escape from the pain no matter what.

At some poing during last month, the pain got as insane that i wasn't able to stand from my bed and walk for some days. I'm now taking a really strong opioid medicine that reduces the pain to a more bearable level so i can do my daily activities but the pain is still there, even if not as intense as without the medicine.

To add more to the problem, i was also diagnosed with Lumbar scoliosis.

Scoliosis is an abnormal curvature of the spine (backbone), aparently mine has a mild curve of 12 degrees according to some x-rays i had last month. 12 degrees is not as bad but it can be painful to walk like this all day so i try not to force my back while moving.

All this problem was caused by my own fault... Because of my sedentary lifestyle and bad feeding habits during years... I was always the type of shy and introverted nerd who spends all day sittig in front of a computer working on his projects for 6-12 hours or playing video games while eating all types of junk food.

All this combined with 0 exercise it was only natural that i rapidly became a time-bomb that its now threatening my life.

Doctors told me the only way to fix this problem is to lose weight as fast as possible by changing feeding habits and doing exercise.

I'm currently doing well, i'm following a diet and lost 15 kg since May but i still have a long way to go.

I would love to do some exercise right now to help my body a little faster but my Lumbar scoliosis combined with the sciatica pain make it almost impossible for me to do any type of exercise. Even the smallest walk (30 seconds) can make me feel tired and the pain makes me want to sit or it becomes worse with each step.

The pain becomes bearable once i sit in a chair so fortunately it don't affect my work.

Surgery:

I will have a surgery that will help me fix these problems at the end of this month, but there is a small risk of me not surviving the surgery.

To make things even worse for me, yesterday during a medical study i was diagnosed with a dangerous blood pressure of 158 (apparently this is a really dangerous level of blood pressure and just by this i could die at any moment from a random heart attack/brain damage/respiratory faliure  even before the day of the surgery).

High blood pressure can damage the arteries by making them less elastic, which decreases the flow of blood and oxygen to the heart and leads to heart disease, which its cauding right now all the pain i'm experiencing.

I won't lie... I'm scared of dying. I'm currently 28 years old but there are a lot of things that i haven't experienced from life yet. I never had a girldfriend or kissed a girl, much less experienced what it its to make love... I have never been drunk or went to a night party at a club with friends, i never experienced what it feels to be loved and desired by someone, i never experienced the joy of fulfilling my dreams.

One of my dreams is to create a really cool videogame that can be played and enjoyed by a lot of people. Since i was a kid i dream about making a videogame like the ones that made me happy during my childhood, i have a lot of ideas for a videogame.

I want to make a videogame with a cool story, great characters and fun levels. I want to see people's reactions to my game in youtube videos or streams! it would be wonderful to see how something i created can make others happy. That's one of the reasons i became a Modder for PPPPU in the first place, because i like to think that something i created can make others happy and i want to live more so i can keep creating things that others can enjoy, such as videogames.

I promised myself that if i survive this, i'll become a much better person. I wont' be the same person who spent all day on his computer or playing videogames, i will at least do one hour of exercise daily while also stop eating junk food. I want to start going outside and meet some people, make some friends and maybe meet a girl that loves me for who i am. I also want to be more appreciative and grateful with life... I was so busy in my own world that i was ignoring the beautiful real world that can only be appeaciated while we are alive, i was so stupid all this time and it makes me angry how i never realized what i was missing.

Conclusion:

Im not trying to make myself a victim or wanting anyone to worry about me, i wanted to keep this as a secret until now but yesterday the situation became more dangerous so i wanted my followers to at least know what its happening just in case i won't be able to live for another month.

I also wanted to say thanks to all the people who supports my job, really... You are literally helping me save my life, because i was able to pay part of the surgery thanks to the income i'm receiving from this platform... I don't know what i would do if not were for your help.

Now i don't want to just give up and lie in my bed all day until something happens... I wanna keep doing what i love while i can. I still play videogames and do the Mods i enjoy to do, because i find this hobbie relaxing and fun so i will keep doing my content as long as i can.

As a final word from me to close this post... Just don't be like me. Don't wait until your body collapses from a sedentary lifestyle and bad feeding habits. It' cool to play video games and that kind of stuff but you need to take care about your body if you want to keep enjoying what life has to offer. Go outside and do some exercise while you still can! do it now and change your feeding habits before you get in the same situation as me, trust me, if i could turn back time at least one year, i would totally do everything in my power to change my life before it' too late. Now all i can do it's to keep fighting and hope for the best.

Thanks for reading this, and sorry for the long text.

I will keep posting new content every week if everything goes well.

I will also make a follow up of this post after surgery at the end of the month  if everything goes well.

Thank you for everything...

Atte: Ikku