-- (Patreon)

my life is literally nothing but work. its all i do, its all i ever do.

i dont have friends anymore, i gravitated away from everyone. i spend my nights entirely alone, avoiiding my housemate and working. i sleep. i get up in the morning, get online and work. i get dressed mid-afternoon and go to my other job, and i work..then i come home, work more and sleep...doing it all over again the next day.

im tired and stressed and lonesome. i dont want to be fucking old and miserable, but apparently having opinions in 2017 isnt the thing to do and im too picky with my men so im out of the dating market permanently.

and it sucks. it all sucks. for a small amount of time i knew how it felt to be cared for again and it got fucked up. that damn pit in my soul and emptiness from losing lily never healed, and people who come through my life only patch up that shit for a brief time before taking off, and fucking me up more on the way out.

its only fitting i become the very shit most men despise. the 30 year old woman who is 'too damaged' to have ever been married. im deeply depressed. not because of relationships but because ill never be that happy person, ill never be content in my life. and because at the end of the day, having my gay best friend say he loves me doesnt cut it for me, doesnt make me happy, doesnt warm my heart. it just makes me disgusted in myself, that the only people who 'love' me are people i'd never sleep with or would never sleep with me.