A fond farewell to Podquisition <3 (Patreon)

Hello lovelies, 

I'm writing this note to let you all know that sadly next Thursday will be my final episode as a co-host on Podquisition. I've given this a lot of thought over the last few weeks and it's a difficult, bittersweet choice but I think it's the right choice.

First and foremost, let me be clear that there is no drama to be found here. Jim, Laura & myself are all on board with this together, have chatted about it at length and there are no hard feelings between any of us. 

So, let me try to explain:

As ye know, over the last month I took a digital detox away from the internet, social media & the gaming world for the first real time in years. To say it was good for my mental health would be an understatement. I can't remember the last time my mind felt so quiet and peaceful. Most of ye know I have dealt with severe anxiety issues since my youth and have been trying to take care of my mind lately. Whether through therapy, time management or self care; any respite I can get from the constant debilitating anxiety is always welcome.

Meanwhile, over the last couple of years, I have grown increasingly disillusioned, exhausted and withdrawn from the discussion & news around both the videogames industry and the people in it. From lootbox culture to the 'live service model' ruining beloved developers, to the constant noise, turmoil and conflict regarding the people in the games industry & games media world - it's a lot of negative, angry energy to be around.  

I've never been good at shutting out my surroundings and as we all know, anger & conflict are contagious. I find it really difficult to keep negativity, stress & anger out of my headspace when it's present around me and the last few weeks away from it all has been a blissfull relief.  

I'm going to be 40 next year and the older I get, the less I feel the need to have an opinion on everything. I also find it more tricky to commit to concrete opinions about many topics these days (and boy oh boy have I publicly had some extremely bad feckin' takes over the years...). I'm not a journalist or a critic, I'm a musician. I don't want to be an angry old man shouting at the internet; I just want to make songs, focus on the fun stuff and make people happy. That's what I feel my role in life is at this point - to create your happy place, your escape from all of the noise. 

I have also recently become very appreciative of my private time and how much I enjoy just being anonymous and quiet. It's easy to get caught up in ego and a distorted sense of self worth when you make creative work in the public eye. The time away from social media has been great for allowing me to remember what life is like without that constant stream of two-way access. 

Unfortunately this also means that it's time to move on from Podquisition. Recently it feels like I have been somewhat disconnected, with no real interest in the discussions we are having unless it's about some game I love, and that's not fair either to Jim & Laura or to the audience. I have seen you guys start to pick up on this and I don't blame ye. These are often important discussions that need to be had and ye deserve someone more committed to it discussing it.

There are also outside factors, for example having my music blacklisted from being promoted by certain companies due to my involvement with the podcast. My music is my heart & soul, my life's work. It is too important & hard earned to have it be impaired due to other peoples' controversies & it's also not fair to have that hanging over their heads every time they want to speak about a controversial topic.

In short, Jim, & Laura (and all of you) deserve someone who can offer the same level of passion & interest as themselves about the games industry and right now that's just sadly not do-able for me. However by all accounts the last 3 episodes with guests have been fab (I'm super bummed I missed the gang finally chatting to Ellen!) and I have confidence that whatever new host the gang find will give the show a fresh burst of energy & life :)

The last 5 years on PQ have been an absolute joy to be a part of and my heart is sore today. I want to say thank you to both Jim & Laura and to all of you who tune in every week and listen us ramble on. I can't count how many great times I've had on the show. There is no-one who can get me doubled over in laughter quite the way those two can and I look forward to listening as a fan <3 

I feel very sad writing this, but it's time to move on, at least for now. This won't change my interactions with patrons, fans etc, I'll still be around to respond to ye & stuff, I will just be taking a step back from the noise of the videogames industry world and focusing on the games themselves, my music and the fun, lighter side of it all. 

Big love and I'll see ye soon with some new tunes. 

Keep messin' with the best, 

Gav