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Miko spider corruption p5-6 (Patreon)

Published:
2022-12-20 16:29:21
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Sorry, I'm taking too long to finish this. Here is another 2 page of new spider priestess. Now need to finish christmas pic lol


As alway if find any mistake feel free to tell me in the comment.


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StarGazer

Still looks so amazing!

D Banks

In the first image it should be "So are you a god now?"

Carl Endres

Page 2, Panel 3: "At first, I wanted to tear you limb from limb for your insolence."

trigger_portal_cleanser

Format: Original quote ↴ Modified quote with [notes] ↴ Modified quote without notes. Notes shown in [square brackets] Multiple possible modifications shown in {curly brackets/braces} ――――――――――――――――――― “Whoa! Mikoto, you look like a spirit. So you like a god now?”↴ “Whoa! Mikoto, you look like a spirit. So, you like a god now?” [bit of a quirky word, when “so” appears at the start of a sentence, it may be accompanied by a comma. The exacts on when it appears is debatable, but a rule of thumb is: in ‘casual speak’, include it, whereas in ‘formal writing’ don’t.]↴ “Whoa! Mikoto, you look like a spirit. So, you like a god now?” “More like I have become her priestess and her avatar”↴ “More like, [the “more like” is separable from the actual sentence, so add a comma.] I have become her priestess and her avatar. [period]”↴ “More like, I have become her priestess and her avatar. [period]” “Even the way you speak... I can’t believe it. What they said at the temple is really true.”↴ “Even the way you speak… I can’t believe it. What they said at the temple really is true.” [a minor quibble on the order of words]↴ “Even the way you speak… I can’t believe it. What they said at the temple really is true.” “Only a god can make Priestess Mikoto look dignified.”↴ “Only a god could make Priestess Mikoto look dignified.”↴ “Only a god could make Priestess Mikoto look dignified.” “It seems like I have to teach that insolent mouth a a lesson.”↴ “It seems like I have to teach {your insolent mouth/that insolent mouth of yours} a lesson.” [the original phrase was indirect about who they were referring to. The latter of the two options is more direct and the preferred rephrasing, but is more different than the original]↴ “It seems like I have to teach {your insolent mouth/that insolent mouth of yours} a lesson.” “Dammit! You are as big a pain in the ass to deal with as the old you!!”↴ “Dammit! You’re [contracted] as big a pain in the ass to deal with as the old you!!”↴ “Dammit! You’re as big a pain in the ass to deal with as the old you!!” “Yame-Hime? Give me a break! You are the same old Mikoto!!”↴ “Yame-Hime? Give me a break! You’re [ditto] the same old Mikoto!!”↴ “Yame-Hime? Give me a break! You’re the same old Mikoto!!” “Silence! I will make everyone who said that pay!!”↴ “Silence! I will make everyone who {said/calls me} [it’s not entirely clear from context whether she has old grudges with people calling her that name (in which case, use “said”), or if she just doesn’t want people calling her that (in which case, use “calls me”). Furthermore, I’m not sure if she’s offended by being called ‘Mikoto’ or ‘Yame-Hime’, bit of an ambiguous statement] that pay!!”↴ “Silence! I will make everyone who {said/calls me} that pay!!” “Starting withyou human!!!”↴ “Starting with you [seemingly dropped a space] human!!!” [on a different, more typographical note, this text bubble and the last are possibly too small for the text they’re display. Given that they’re clearly meant to be yells and otherwise very loud, yet constrained to small bubbles.]↴ “Starting with you [seemingly dropped a space] human!!!” “I am sorry O Great Yame-Hime”↴ “I am sorry, [comma] O Great Yame-Hime. [period]”↴ “I am sorry, O Great Yame-Hime.” “What a shame I was beginning to enjoy watching you squirm around.”↴ “What a shame, [conjunctions! In a nutshell, a mess.] I was beginning to enjoy watching you squirm. [possibly redundant to include “around” after “squirm”]”↴ “What a shame, I was beginning to enjoy watching you squirm.” “So...Uhh did you really need to turn into whatever that is?”↴ “So… Uhh, [usually you should include commas after interjections (filler words, e.g., “er”, “uh”, “um”, etc.)] did you really need to turn into whatever that is?”↴ “So… Uhh, did you really need to turn into whatever that is?” “No, but it did silence your rotten mouth, didn’t it”↴ “No, but it did silence your rotten mouth, didn’t it?” [This a rhetorical question (a question said without expecting an answer). Whether they should end with a question mark is usually dependent on context, style guides, and a load of other nonsense. In my opinion, it’s best to end them with a question mark, or an exclamation mark if being exclaimed.]↴ “No, but it did silence your rotten mouth, didn’t it?” “So...Uh what now Mi...aham! Miss Yame-Hime.”↴ “So… Uh, what now, [comma before addressing] Mi—{ahem/er}—Miss Yame-Hime?” [Em Dash to denote self-interruption. And changed “aham” to “ahem”, which I think you were thinking of. Alternatively, “er” is also commonly used to show hesitation. Lastly, he was asking a question, so don’t forget a question mark.]↴ “So… Uh, what now, Mi—{ahem/er}—Miss Yame-Hime?” “At first I want to tearing you limb from limb for your insolence.”↴ “At first, [comma] I wanted [past tense, she’s talking about something in the past] to tear [this is future tense, because it’s being told from the perspective of the past] you limb from limb for your insolence.”↴ “At first, I wanted to tear you limb from limb for your insolence.” “It is thank to your failure. I’m stuck like this.”↴ “It’s thanks [more of that “simple present” mentioned before] to your failure [remove period] I’m stuck like this.”↴ “It’s thanks to your failure I’m stuck like this.” “Is it fair that you shouuld bare some of the responsibility yes?”↴ “{It’s [another minor word order quibble. In this case, it makes it more apparent this is rhetorical] fair that you should [typo]/Should be fair that you [alternate phrasing]/Fair that you [another alternate more direct phrasing, here the “it’s” is implicit]} bare some of the responsibility, [comma] yes?”↴ “{It’s fair that you should/Should be fair that you/Fair that you} bare some of the responsibility, yes?” “A.. What!?”↴ “A… [Ellipses always come in three (or as a Unicode character, which is what I use)] What!?”↴ “A… What!?”

Alexey Stratulat

You have great pages. Happy New Year! May you have more health, more happiness and more wishes in the new year. And one question, will there be a drawing for the new year, which can be used as a desktop background?

Arbiter

Awesome stuff!

Reggie

oh this is so cool ! good job !