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Ninja and the cult part 2 1-6 with *fix text (Patreon)

Published:
2020-04-05 19:18:13
Edited:
2020-04-06 12:48:01
Imported:
Tags:

Content

This is not on comissioner order. I just want to add dialouge for fun.  Criticism  are welcome.

Files

Comments

ZeroForever

hmm definitely some grammar errors, I'll see if i have time later if no one else can.

TheMotionHero

Yeah, there are a lot of grammar errors. If need be for the future, I could help with checking for those in the future if need be. Overall though, it’s a good comic to see here :)

ChaosOverlordZ

some interesting lore there, does make me want the ninja to fall to the crystal though.

Arthur Yeung

Mind if I make a story out of this?

Asani

The art is obviously amazing, but hoo boy is that some spicy dialog. Definitely kicked things up a notch! For reference, here are the edits I would suggest.

Asani
>>34779747

1.1 "My my, if it isn't Young Roland and (Miss) Daisy. Welcome. How can an old woman help you two love birds today?" "Oh stop, Miss Edith, you tease too much. Say, do you sell rings?" "Why yes I do, dearies." 1.2 "To tell you the truth, Miss Edith, we are looking for wedding rings. We've been saving up.' "Oh my!" "Do you... think we can afford a nice pair with this amount?" 1.4 "Welcome!" 1.5 "Could you wait a moment please?" 1.6 "I'll be right with you..."

Asani
>>34779747

2.1 "I believe I have found the perfect pair. What do you two think?" 2.2 "Oh Miss Edith they are beautiful, but we could never afford these!" 2.3 "I could never let such a lovely couple wear copper on their wedding day! Consider it a gift." "I don't even know what to say, thank you!" "Miss Edith, may we try them on?" "Of course! Go right ahead, dear." 2.4 "Oh my, they look simply marvelous on you two!" "Are you sure? We really don't have enough to pay you what they are worth." 2.5 "Oh, I don't need your money, dear. After all, you two will serve me forever as my beautiful angels. Let's begin your ascension!"

Asani (edited)

Comment edits

2023-08-19 12:53:54 3.1 "What is this stuff!? It's spreading up my arm, Roland, help!!" "Damnit, I can't get the ring off." 3.3 "My my, what a naughty boy you are, Roland. Please be a dear and just let it happen. Good angels should act with more propriety." 3.5 "Oh Roland dear, I can tell that you will be a very pretty angel indeed when you are complete." 3.6 "No, Miss Edith, please stop! We don't want this!! Somebody please help!!" 3.7 "Hold on, I'm trying to. Damn these crystals!" "You cult bastard!! Let them go, they are not involved in this!!" 3.8 "FOREGET" => "FORGET" "EVERYTHING IS... EMPTY... SO EMPTY.....AND....COLD...."
2020-04-06 00:43:53 3.1 "What is this stuff!? It's spreading up my arm, Roland, help!!" "Damnit, I can't get the ring off." 3.3 "My my, what a naughty boy you are, Roland. Please be a dear and just let it happen. Good angels should act with more propriety." 3.5 "Oh Roland dear, I can tell that you will be a very pretty angel indeed when you are complete." 3.6 "No, Miss Edith, please stop! We don't want this!! Somebody please help!!" 3.7 "Hold on, I'm trying to. Damn these crystals!" "You cult bastard!! Let them go, they are not involved in this!!" 3.8 "FOREGET" => "FORGET" "EVERYTHING IS... EMPTY... SO EMPTY.....AND....COLD...."
>>34779747

3.1 "What is this stuff!? It's spreading up my arm, Roland, help!!" "Damnit, I can't get the ring off." 3.3 "My my, what a naughty boy you are, Roland. Please be a dear and just let it happen. Good angels should act with more propriety." 3.5 "Oh Roland dear, I can tell that you will be a very pretty angel indeed when you are complete." 3.6 "No, Miss Edith, please stop! We don't want this!! Somebody please help!!" 3.7 "Hold on, I'm trying to. Damn these crystals!" "You cult bastard!! Let them go, they are not involved in this!!" 3.8 "FOREGET" => "FORGET" "EVERYTHING IS... EMPTY... SO EMPTY.....AND....COLD...."

Asani (edited)

Comment edits

2023-08-19 12:53:54 4.1 "Can you feel it, my angels? Your flesh has been purged, leaving behind only pure crystalline essence. Your forms have been molded into perfect servants of the magnificent crystal." 4.2 "Now awaken, my angels, and feel the bliss of your rebirth!" 4.3 "HAPPY..." => "BLISS..." 4.4 "The crystal sings to us..." 4.5 "The crystal reshaped us..." 4.6 "Into angels..." 4.7 "We are apostles of the crystal... What we were before is irrelevant, all that matters now is the crystal..." "You are an enemy... You deny the magnificence of the crystal... We must make you see..."
2020-04-06 00:44:16 4.1 "Can you feel it, my angels? Your flesh has been purged, leaving behind only pure crystalline essence. Your forms have been molded into perfect servants of the magnificent crystal." 4.2 "Now awaken, my angels, and feel the bliss of your rebirth!" 4.3 "HAPPY..." => "BLISS..." 4.4 "The crystal sings to us..." 4.5 "The crystal reshaped us..." 4.6 "Into angels..." 4.7 "We are apostles of the crystal... What we were before is irrelevant, all that matters now is the crystal..." "You are an enemy... You deny the magnificence of the crystal... We must make you see..."
>>34779747

4.1 "Can you feel it, my angels? Your flesh has been purged, leaving behind only pure crystalline essence. Your forms have been molded into perfect servants of the magnificent crystal." 4.2 "Now awaken, my angels, and feel the bliss of your rebirth!" 4.3 "HAPPY..." => "BLISS..." 4.4 "The crystal sings to us..." 4.5 "The crystal reshaped us..." 4.6 "Into angels..." 4.7 "We are apostles of the crystal... What we were before is irrelevant, all that matters now is the crystal..." "You are an enemy... You deny the magnificence of the crystal... We must make you see..."

Asani
>>34779747

5.1 "This is your fault, you know. I was rather fond of that couple and had no plans for them until you barged in." 5.2 "How fortunate then that you chose today to attack. They might otherwise have never known the purity of ascension." 5.3 "Now, my angels, show her the beauty of the crystal."

Asani
>>34779747

6.2 "The crystal wants you too..." 6.4 "We must fix you... You will become pretty..."

Alexey Stratulat

Can I translate this comics on the Russian language?