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Latex demon sketch p27-35 (Patreon)

Published:
2024-10-13 22:16:40
Edited:
2024-10-13 22:18:32
Imported:
2024-11
Tags:

Content

Ok, I've tried squeeze Rhy portion as much as i can because this comic is so much longer as I previously plan lol

So anyway all of the page has benn skeych I'll start checking on grammar and begin coloring soon.

Thank you for all you patience and support! any suggestion and call out for my bad grammar are appreciate!

Files

Comments

StarGazer

Gilda being responsible, that's hard to believe lol.

ElSalsaRey

Hmm…now I may have to find a way to include these two in the campaign…

Keimori

Small correction on the last page. Fang's title should be "A High Demon of Charm" not Hight.

Benjamin Francis

Got to say this is really incredible stuff. Rhea reminds me of Smiley from Evil Ernie. Really cool.

Arthur Yeung

@ibenz009 Where is Page 26?

SansPapyrus683

Is Bernard dead, or is he just knocked out?

Wayne Chen

it is little bit short in the second guy TF first guy has 6+pages and the second guy turns bad so fast,.Maybe add one or two more page will make sense? Please?

ibenz009
>>152242758

i've add extra page between 21-22 on a few post below so old page 25 become a page 26.

ibenz009
>>152248450

Well, he suppose to. Either that or Fang to keep him alive as a protable snack?

ibenz009
>>152252300

I'll keep that in mind but I think the comic is already has too much page but I'll see what icand do.

Ariadne

Some spelling mistakes: High, not hight. "Do not" or "don't" talk back to your senior.

trigger_portal_cleanser

Format: Original quote ↴ Modified quote with [notes] ↴ Modified quote without notes. Notes shown in [square brackets] Multiple possible modifications shown in {curly brackets / braces} ―――――――――― Fang: "M'lady, can I atleast finish my meal first." ↴ “M’Lady, can I at least [‘At least’ is two words.] finish my meal first?” [Rhetorical question. In my opinion, a question mark makes more sense than a period here.] ↴ “M’Lady, can I at least finish my meal first?” Gilda: "No talk back to your senior! We are running a tight operation here!" ↴ “No talking [‘-ing’ as she is actively performing the verb.] back to your senior! We’re [Contract ‘we are’.] running a tight ship [I haven’t heard the phrase ‘tight operation’ that often. Did you conflate it with the idiom ‘tight ship’ (a highly organised and disciplined organisation)? ] here!” ↴ “No talking back to your senior! We’re running a tight ship here!” Gilda: "The sooner you pop your first corruption the better!" ↴ “The sooner you pop your first corruption, [Insert comma to separate clauses (the former part of the sentence is independent from the latter).] the better!” ↴ “The sooner you pop your first corruption, the better!” Fang: "Are you sure you're not just push your assigment on to me?" ↴ “Are you sure you’re not just pushing [‘-ing’ as the action is currently happening] your assignment [Typo’d] onto [‘Onto’ can be written out as ‘on to’ occasionally, but its more common form is ‘onto’] me?” Gilda: "Hmpf! Don't worry. Gilda is a responsible senpai!" ↴ “Hmpf! Don’t worry, [Join related clauses.] Gilda is a responsible senpai!” ↴ “Hmpf! Don’t worry, Gilda is a responsible senpai!” Gilda: "I've already set up the meeting for you." ↴ “I’ve already set up { a / the } [There’s nothing wrong with using ‘the’. The choice of using ‘a’ versus ‘the’ is entirely about scenario. If Fang has prior knowledge and is expected to succeed, ‘the’ may be more apt, otherwise ‘a’ would be.] meeting for you.” Fang: "Meeting? Ah yes. He must survive the fall then." ↴ “Meeting? Ah, yes. He must’ve survived [‘Must survive’ would be talking about the future, ‘must have survived’ (contracted here to ‘must’ve’ (informal speech only)) is talking about the past.] the fall then.” ↴ “Meeting? Ah, yes. He must’ve survived the fall then.” Gilda: "Of course I'm make sure of that." ↴ “Of course, [Join dependent clause with comma.] I [No need for ‘am’, it happened in the past.] made [Past tense] sure of that.” ↴ “Of course, I made sure of that.” Gilda: "We can't let such a fine speciment like that go to waste." ↴ “We can’t let such a fine specimen [Typo’d] like that go to waste.” ↴ “We can’t let such a fine specimen like that go to waste.” Fang: "Indeed M'lady." ↴ “Indeed, M’Lady.” [Comma before addressing.] ↴ “Indeed, M’Lady.” Rhys: "Huff huff If I follow her guidence. I should be near." ↴ “*huff* *huff* [Later on, “giggle” is surrounded by asterisks to denote they are performing the described text and not just saying it. Following, ‘huff’ should also be surrounded, as they are huffing, not saying ‘huff’.] { If I have followed her guidance correctly [Reading it, it seems you intended it for Rhys to be reflecting on his choice to follow her guidance, not debating whether to follow them at all.] / If I follow her guidance [Typo’d] }, [Join clause, regardless of choice] I should be near.” ↴ “*huff* *huff* { If I have followed her guidance correctly / If I follow her guidance }, I should be near.” Rhys: "I still can't believe that I was safe by Goddes's messenger herself." ↴ “I still can't believe that I was saved [‘Safe’ means to be not in danger. Contrast with ‘save’, which means to remove from danger. Something /becomes/ safe after being saved. You wanted ‘save’ here.] by the [Needs a determiner, the article ‘the’ is the best choice.] Goddess’s [3 S’s.] messenger herself.” ↴ “I still can’t believe that I was saved by the Goddess’s messenger herself.” Rhys: "I begin recognize this part of the cave." ↴ “I’m [‘Am’ is needed here, it’s currently happening.] beginning [Present tense] to recognize { where I am. / this part of the cave. }” [The original phrase is fine, grammatically, but I can’t imagine it’s the sort of thing one would actually say.] ↴ “I’m being to recognize { where I am. / this part of the cave. }” Rhys: "If I turn around this corner I should..." ↴ “If I round this corner [ ‘Around’ is the correct word. ‘Around’ means ‘nearby’, if something is ‘around’, it’s nearby. You might have gotten confused due to ‘turn around’, which really means to turn back on oneself (i.e., ‘turning around’ means facing backwards’). You wanted ‘to move past something’, which is to ‘round something’.], [Join clauses with comma.] I should…” ↴ “If I round this corner, I should…” Rhys: "Demon!" Fang: "Is that how you greet a lady?" ↴ “{ Is that any way to greet a lady / Is that how you greet a lady } [Practically identical semantic-wise, but I feel the former would be the more common phrase.] { … / , Church Clan? }” [Disambiguation needed, see comment on next line.] ↴ “{ Is that any way to greet a lady / Is that how you greet a lady } { … / , Church Clan?}” ???: "Chruch Clan?" ↴ [It’s not clear who the speaker is. If it’s Fang, you might want to add an ellipsis to indicate they’re also the speaker of this line. Fang: “…Church Clan?” [If the speaker’s Rhys, you probably forgot to include ‘Church Clan’ in the previous line. Might also want to add a stammer or similar to indicate the question mark is of confusion, not a continuation of a question.] Rhys: “C—Church Clan!?” Rhys: "Fang?" Rhys: "What happend to you!?" ↴ “What happened [Reoccurring typo. ‘Happened’ has an ‘e’ before the ‘d’ (because it’s ‘-ed’).] to you!?” ↴ “What happened to you!?” Rhys: "That's form... Why are you a demon!?" ↴ “That [No need for ‘is’] form… Why are you a demon!?” ↴ “That form… Why are you a demon!?” Fang: "Lovely isn't it? It suits me much better." ↴ “Lovely, [join clauses with comma] isn’t it? { Suits / It suits } [Since the subject doesn’t change between this sentence and the previous (and because this is informal), you can optionally drop the ‘it’ from the start of the sentence.] me much better.” Fang: "My Darling here. Made me realized my real self." ↴ “My Darling here [Join sentences. These cannot be broken apart.] made me realize [Present tense] my { true self / real self }.” [‘True self’ is the more phrase.] ↴ “My Darling here made me realize my { true self / real self }.” Rhys: "What in name of... Where is Bernard!? What happend to him." ↴ “What in the name of…? [Though rhetorical, a question mark would fit here.] Where is Bernard!? What happened [Typo’d] to him?” [This is an actual question and should have a question mark.] ↴ “What in the name…? Where is Bernard!? What happened to him?” Fang: "Oh, Lord Bernard?" Fang: "I'm afraid that I've snacked on him a little too much on the way here." ↴ “I’m afraid that I [No need for ‘have’] snacked on him a { little bit too much / little too much } [Doesn’t really matter, they are the same. Pick the one you like more] on the way here.” ↴ “I’m afraid that I snacked on him a { little bit too much / little too much } on the way here. Fang: "But before you start worried about other." ↴ “But before you start worrying [Present tense] about others…” [Plural. Might want to add an ellipsis to indicate this continues on in the next line.] ↴ “But before you start worrying about others…” Fang: "You should be more concerned about what me and my Darling have in store for you." ↴ “…You [Might want to add an ellipsis to indicate this is a continuation of the previous line.] should be more { worried / concerned } [‘Concerned’ is a fine word, but you had just referenced the word ‘worry’, it’d make more sense to re-use it here as well.] about what my Darling and I [‘Me and [Other]’ vs. ‘[Other] and I’ is a common problem that trips up even regular English speakers. The rule of thumb is if you remove ‘[Other]’ the sentence should still make sense/flow. ‘What me have in store…’ doesn’t work as well as ‘What I have in store…’, so we use ‘[Other] and I’.] have in store for you.” ↴ “…You should be more { worried / concerned } about what my Darling and I have in store for you.” Rhys: "Over my dead body demon!" ↴ “Over my dead body, demon!” Rhys: "Even if you are my former comarde I won't hesitate!" ↴ “Even if you’re [Contract.] my former comrade [Typo’d], [Join clauses with a comma.] I won’t hesitate!” ↴ “Even if you’re my former comrade, I won’t hesitate!” [Order of text unclear.] Rhys: "Gah!" Fang: "How adorable. Do you truly think you even have a chance again me? A Hight Demon?" ↴ “How adorable. Do you truly think you even have a chance against [‘Against’, not ‘again’.] me? A High [Typo’d] Demon? Fang: "Compare to a demon hunter like you. You are nothing but a glorify foot soldier." ↴ “Compared to a { demon like me [Compare Rhys to Fang] / demon hunter like Bernard [Compare Rhys to Bernard] / demon hunter like you [This comparison doesn’t actually make sense. Compared to himself?] } , [Join clauses] you are nothing but a glorified [‘Glorify’ is a verb, you wanted the adjective ‘glorified’.] foot soldier.” ↴ “Compared to a { demon like me / demon hunter like Bernard / demon hunter like you }, you are nothing but a glorified foot soldier.” Fang: "Such a shame that I can't taste you lovely desire." ↴ “Such a shame that I can’t taste your [‘your’, not ‘you’.] lovely desires.” [Plural] ↴ “Such a shame that I can’t taste your lovely desires.” Fang: "But we got our missions right, Darling?" ↴ “But { we have a mission / we’ve got our missions } [It would appear this is their only mission. The former option would be better.]. Right, Darling?” ↴ “But { we have a mission / we’ve got our missions }. Right, Darling?” Rhys: "What are you doing." ↴ “What are you doing?” [This is an actual question.] ↴ “What are you doing?” (Rhy's) Tail: "Hell yeah! Finally a body!" ↴ “Hell yeah! Finally, [Join clauses with a comma] a body!” ↴ “Hell yeah! Finally, a body!” Rhys: "What in the hell!?" (Rhy's) Tail: "Kyahahaha! Nice to meet you pipsqueak! Are you ready for a wild ride baby?" ↴ “Kyahahaha! Nice to meet you, [Comma before addressing] pipsqueak! You [Formally, you should start this sentence with an ‘are’. However, this character is anything but formal. In this context, you can drop the ‘are’.] ready for a wild ride, [Comma before addressing] baby?” ↴ “Kyahahaha! Nice to meet you, pipsqueak! You ready for a wild ride, baby?” (Rhy's) Tail: "What with this lame body?" ↴ “What’s [Needs ‘is’.] with this lame body?” ↴ “What’s with this lame body?” (Rhy's) Tail: "Where's you tits boy? We can't be seen with this boring ride!" ↴ Where’s ya [Normally should use ‘your’ here. But we’re in a highly informal environment. In such an environment, it’s not uncommon for ‘your’ to be spoken as (and written down as) ‘ya’.] tits, [Comma before addressing] boy? We can’t be seen with this { boring-ass / boring } [‘-ass’ is an intensity modifier. It makes words more intensive. It also makes them more vulgar. Perhaps traits for this character. Up to you if you want to use it though.] ride! ↴ “Where’s ya tits, boy? We can’t be seen with this { boring-ass / boring } ride!” (Rhy's) Tail: "Good thing Big Sis Fang gave us ample energy for a job!" ↴ “Good thing Big Sis Fang gave us ample energy for this [Not ‘a’ or ‘the’, this is a very specific job. It’s /this/ one (i.e., the current thing).] job!” ↴ “Good thin Big Sis Fang gave us ample energy for this job!” Rhys: "Ahhh! Eek!" (Rhy's) Tail: "Stop squirming and take it like a man!" (Rhy's) Tail: "Oh yeah... My bad, that one on me." ↴ “Oh yeah… My bad, that one’s [Should be ‘that one is’, contracted here.] on me.” ↴ “Oh yeah… My bad, that one’s on me.” Rhys: "Ahhh I can't I can't think straight. This thing overwhelming me with dark energy" [Text is cut-off on the left-side.] ↴ “Ahhh I can’t— [Presumably you’re trying to indicate a stutter (unintentional repetition by the speaker), you might want to use an Em Dash (—) or hyphen (-) to indicate this.] I can’t think straight. This thing is overwhelming me with dark energy.” ↴ “Ahhh I can’t— I can’t think straight. This thing is overwhelming me with dark energy.” Rhys: "Ahhhhh! I'm melting! I'm melting! Assimilate by demonic essence!" ↴ “Ahhhhh! I’m melting— [Same suggestion as previous.] I’m melting! { Mixing with / Assimilated by} [‘Assimilated’ is quite the mouthful for someone who’s apparently not able to think straight. I’ve provided an alternative ‘simpler’ word. Your choice if you want to use it.] { the / this} [A determiner is needed here. This (referring to the demonic essence currently engulfing them) or the (demonic essence in general) work best.] Demonic essence!” ↴ “Ahhhhh! I’m melting— I’m melting! { Mixing with / Assimilated by} { the / this} Demonic essence!” Rhys: "Ahhh" Rhys: "No more you are doing too fast I'm going crazy ah!" ↴ “No more, [Join clauses with comma.] you’re [Contract.] going [Probably intended ‘going’ rather than ‘doing’.] too fast. [Separate sentences] { It’s driving me crazy! / I’m going crazy! } [Alternate sentence to avoid repeating ‘going’.] Ah!” ↴ “No more, you’re going too fast. { It’s driving me crazy! / I’m going crazy! } Ah!” (Rhy's) Tail: "No! We are on fire Rhys!" ↴ “No! We’re [Contract.] on fire, [Comma before addressing.] Rhys!” ↴ “No! We’re on fire, Rhys!” (Rhy's) Tail: "We going to be a fastest hottest and wildest demon!" ↴ “We’re [Contract] going to be the [‘A’ means you’re referring to something non-specifically (‘Can you pass me an apple’ -> You don’t care about what the apple is.). Conversely, ‘-est’ words are the ‘greatest’. They are specific, there is nothing ‘greater’ than them. Either it’s ‘a fast, hot, and wild demon’, or ‘the fastest, hottest and wildest demon’.] fastest, [When listing multiple adjectives, use commas to separate them like any other list.] hottest and wildest demon!” ↴ “We’re going to be the fastest, hottest, and wildest demon!” Rhys: "Ahh! Ahh!!" Fang: "That one is quite bold huh" ↴ “That one is quite bold, huh.” (Fang's) Tail: "Hmpf! The new blood has no tac nor delicate touch!" ↴ { “Hmpf! The new blood has neither a delicate touch nor tact.” [‘Tac’ is slang for cannabis. You meant ‘tact’.] / “Hmpf! The new blood has no tact [‘Tac’ is slang for cannabis. You meant ‘tact’.], nor a delicate touch.” } [I reordered it such that it sounds nicer to my ear, don’t have to use that though.] ↴ { “Hmpf! The new blood has neither a delicate touch nor tact.” / “Hmpf! The new blood has no tact, nor a delicate touch.” } (Fang's) Tail: "At this rate she going to be a essence freak like him." ↴ “At this rate, [Join clauses with a comma.] she’s [‘She is’] going to be an [‘An’ not ‘a’, as ‘essence’ starts with a vowel sound.] essence freak, [Join clauses with a comma.] like him.” Rhys: "Ahh How do I end up like this..." ↴ “Ahh, how did I end up like this…” Rhys: "I'm demon hunter of the chruch..." ↴ “I’m a [Determiner needed. ‘A’ works.] demon hunter of the church…” [Typo’d] ↴ “I’m a demon hunter of the church…” Rhys: "I train for years. Crawling my way from the gutter." ↴ “I trained [Past tense] for years. Crawling [The following lines are from the perspective of the past, so they use present tense.] my way from the gutter.” ↴ “I trained for years. Crawling my way from the gutter.” Rhys: "Dreaming to be a paladin." Rhys: "Joining the order and serve with honnor. Always follow the Chruch teaching." ↴ “Joining the order and serving with honor [Typo’d]. Always following the Church’s [The teachings belong to the Church.] teachings.” [Plural] ↴ “Joining the order and serving with honor. Always following the Church’s teachings.” Rhys: "I can't falter now... I..." (Rhy's) Tail: "Ha! How can spouts all that crap..." ↴ “Ha! How can you [Dropped a word.] spout [No ‘s’] all that crap…” ↴ “Ha! How can you spout all that crap…” (Rhy's) Tail: "While making that face' Rhys." ↴ “…While [Might want to use an ellipsis to indicate this is a continuation of the previous line.] making that face, [You had an apostrophe, presumably a typo.] Rhys.” ↴ “…While making that face, Rhys.” Rhys: "...." Rhys: "Yes what a joke!" ↴ “Yes. [Punctuate for emphasis.] What a joke!” ↴ “Yes. What a joke!” Rhys: "All that rule to keep me from this unending pleasure!!!!" ↴ “All those rules [I’m assuming there was more than one rule, so plural.] to keep me from this unending pleasure!!!!” ↴ “All those rules to keep me from this unending pleasure!!!!” Rhys: "Those lying Chruch of Goddess I'll devored them all! Glory to our Dark Queen!!" ↴ “{ Those liars in the Church of the Goddess / That lying Church of the Goddess } [The former is Rhys being upset with the people that make up the Church, the latter is Rhys being upset with the concept of the Church itself.], [Join clauses with comma.] I’ll devour [Present tense, and correct typo.] them all! Glory to our Dark Queen!!” ↴ “{ Those liars in the Church of the Goddess / That lying Church of the Goddess }, I’ll devour them all! Glory to our Dark Queen!!” Rhys: "Hello Big Sis." ↴ “Hello, Big Sis.” Fang: "Fufufu You look lovely my little Rhea." (Rhea's) Tail: "Yeeha! Now you are ready to tear shit up baby!" ↴ “{ Yeehaw! / Yeeha! } [I did not know ‘yeeha’ was an alternate form of ‘yeehaw’. I’ve only ever seen the latter. If you want to keep ‘yeeha’ it’s perfectly valid.] Now you’re [Contract.] ready to tear shit up, [Comma before addressing] baby!” ↴ “{ Yeehaw! / Yeeha! } Now you’re ready to tear shit up, baby!” Fang: "Oh Darling, we must celebrate!" Fang: "Here are all delecious mana we distill from those human enjoy!" ↴ “Here’s [Contract ‘here is’.] all the [Mana is usually uncountable, so it’s ‘here is the mana’, not ‘here are the mana’. That means we also need a determiner, ‘the’ works.] delicious [Correct spelling.] mana we distilled [Past tense.] from those humans [Plural.], [Join clauses with comma.] enjoy!” ↴ “Here’s all the delicious mana we distilled from those humans, enjoy!” ???: "Kyaaa!" ???: "Ahhhh!" ???: "Thank you darling!" [I do not know who is speaking.] ???: "Yes thank you it's so good!!" [I do not know who is speaking.] ↴ “Yes, thank you. It’s so good!!” Gilda: "Two human meanie came in." ↴ “Two human meanies [Plural.] came in… [Might want to consider using an ellipsis to indicate this line continues.] ↴ “Two human meanies came in…” Gilda: "And two new friends came out." ↴ “…And [Might want to consider using an ellipsis to indicate this line is a continuation of the previous.] two new friends came out.” Gilda: "What a wonderful outcome! Right? My new demon bestie. *Giggle*" ↴ “What a wonderful outcome, [Join clauses.] right? My new demon besties. [There’s two of them, so plural. Either that or she’s being rude to one of them.] *Giggle*” ↴ “What a wonderful outcome, right? My new demon besties. *Giggle*” Rhea: "Yes M'Lady I can't wait to test this new body." [Text is cut-off on left-side] ↴ “Yes, M’Lady, [Comma before and after addressing] I can’t wait to test this new body.” ↴ “Yes, M’Lady, I can’t wait to test this new body.” Fang: "Fufufu I couldn't ask for better fate M'Lady." ↴ “Fufufu I couldn’t ask for a better fate, [Comma before addressing] M’Lady.” ↴ “Fufufu I couldn’t ask for a better fate, M’Lady.” "Rhea A Lesser Demon" ↴ “Rhea: Lesser Demon” [You don’t really need the ‘A’ there. I put a colon in. Don’t really need that either.] ↴ “Rhea: Lesser Demon” "Fang A Hight Demon of Charm" ↴ “Fang: High [Typo’d] Demon of Charm” [Same as previous] ↴ “Fang: High Demon of Charm”

Original_Sin
>>152248450

What if Fang has him on a latex leash around his neck? And he has to work as her slave everywhere she is and follow her. But he is silent and scared of her, and of course that way Fang can jump on him to take her snack when she wants