Big announcement! Need your input! (APRIL FOOL'S DAY) (Patreon)

I'm quitting my retail job to become a monk.

Somebody stole my car this morning, no joke.

I'm no longer writing after having found our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I fully, absolutely, 100% believe the Earth is not a globe, but instead a flat surface.

I'm finally starting to see the appeal of Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, and/or Kim Jong Un.

All the money I produce from now on will go to supporting the Westboro Baptist Church.

Canada is voting to be annexed.

An alien spacecraft was found in Antarctica.

The Queen plans to abdicate for Charles.

All my main characters in every single short story and novel I'm writing will have their sexual orientations changed to straight.

Which of these April Fool's Day jokes works for you? ;P