Never Fade Away: The Streets Are Long-Ass Gutters (ch. 52) (Patreon)

“It was just a kiss. A kiss. You're walking like you got your gonk brain fucked out,” Johnny oh so helpfully remarked as I shot him a baleful look. The sounds of celebration hadn't faded as I made my way to my destination. A meeting with Yorinobu. It could probably wait, if I was being perfectly honest, but I needed to get out of my office and just move around a little. “I can't tell if this is hilarious or the saddest thing I've ever seen.”

“Would it kill you to shut up?” I groused at him, running a hand through my hair and wincing when a few strands got caught in the prosthetic. He wasn't helping things. Honestly, Johnny was just making things worse. Becca had left as soon as the kiss ended, leaving me feeling… I wasn't sure. Which was kind of the issue and was why I needed to go on for a walk. Emotions were messy. Convoluted. It was a lot easier when I felt one thing at a time over the jumbled cluster fuck that I felt now.

“I'm leaning more towards sad,” Johnny continued unrepentantly as we walked through the streets. The celebrations were everywhere with people dancing or drinking or simply kicking their feet up as they savored being alive. The busted roads made driving impossible, though the metro was swiftly being repaired.

I thought I would stand out more, but there were a lot of people that looked like me out and about. My poser gang seemed to have grown a couple times larger. It had actually gotten to the point that someone had remarked that I was missing my sunglasses… when it was eleven at night. It had always been strange, but with my recent actions, the mimicry almost felt like worship, and it was weird.

I swallowed another sigh, “If you're going to run your mouth, could you at least be helpful? Shower me with some wisdom? You fucked around a lot. You know girls. You fucking tell me what it means.”

“Big difference between fucking around and fucking someone you plan to see in the morning. I'm the best at the former. The latter…” Johnny replied, sounding unusually somber as he walked beside me, smoking a cigarette and I felt my finger twitch. An ache for one, even though I had never smoked in the first place.

I recalled what I saw of his memories. “Alt. And Rogue,” I ventured, earning an agreeing hum from Johnny.

“Alt was something special. Having her was like holding the goddamn sun in your hands. Incredible, but sooner or later, you'd end up burned to shit,” Johnny said, sounding wistful as we continued making our way down to the Afterlife. “Hid it better than me, but she was every bit as fucked in the head as I was.” Well, it wasn't a fair comparison. Johnny screamed how fucked in the head he was into a mic for the world to hear.

“Rogue…” Johnny trailed off, taking a drag of his cigarette. “She was… the best and worst mistake that I ever made.”

I cocked an eyebrow at him, “What does that even mean?” He was just confusing me more now.

“Depends on the moment. Rogue was just going to be a fling. Just another notch in the belt, but in this biz… small circles. Ended up hiring her for this or that, the job always ending in the bedroom, and we ended up pulling each other into each other's orbits.” He explained, releasing a cloud of smoke. “The mistake flips between seeing her again or half assing the relationship when I should have put my whole ass into it. Pretty sure she felt the same about me. Feels.” He added as the Afterlife entered our view.

… that didn't help me at all. Actually, I'm pretty sure that was the opposite of help. “She's still alive,” I pointed out. Afterlife was a hive of activity. I saw merc and gang members all around, celebrating but not quite letting their guard down. We hadn't seen any evidence of it yet, but it was too much to hope that all the Turians were gathered up for me to blow up in one go. Meaning there were likely some squads here or there that were lying low, waiting for an opportunity to escape or get some payback.

“Suppose she is,” Johnny muttered, seemingly to himself. “But I'm not.”

“... is there… a message that you'd want me to pass on?” I asked him, people letting me by with little issue. Honestly, too little of an issue. There were some guys in my poser gang that looked a lot like me -- like, a lot a lot -- so the security seemed too lax, even if it was convenient. I felt the vibrations of the bass, party music blasting as loud as the speakers could go.

Johnny was silent for a moment, considering the offer. He vanished in a burst of static, but all the same, I heard his answer. “Get me out of your head, and I'll tell her myself.”

That was one way to go about it, I suppose. Still left me hanging, though.

The Afterlife was more crowded than I had ever seen it. There was an air of pure relief, of bottled up feelings that had been repressed during the invasion that were coming out all at once. Almost immediately, the moment I entered the bar, a drink was pressed into my hand, apparently on the off chance that I was ‘the real L.’ I pushed my way through the crowd, approaching the bar itself to see that the bartender was darting between orders.

I decided to take a seat, sending Yorinobu a message on where I was. I took the moment to gather my thoughts-

“That face says girl trouble,” Claire, the bartender, remarked and I was surprised that she was bothering to make small talk considering how busy the bar was. Though… I suppose I should take that as a sign that Rogue knew I was here. At my expression, Claire cracked a smile, “I've been behind a bar for most of my life. Work and romance troubles are pretty easy to tell apart.”

“... huh,” I muttered, and given that she was right, I suppose I should believe her. “Got any advice?”

Claire seemed amused, “How about you order something and tell me about it, and we'll see.” The Afterlife didn't exactly have a menu, but I did know about the drinks named after legends who snuffed it. “Might I recommend an original creation? You'll need a drink after you eventually snuff it.” She didn't know. She couldn't know. Only Becca and Kaiden knew. But, the words sent a shiver down my spine.

I pushed it to the side, thinking about it for a moment. I… didn't know anything about alcohol. I didn't. But Johnny did. “Rum topped with niko cola red with a chili garnish,” I decided, making Claire tilt her head.

“Rum and soda with a twist. Spicy,” Claire remarked before she went about making it. A squeeze of lime on the rim that was rolled in the chili garnish, rum in first, cracking a can of cola red and filling up the rest of the glass. It had a light red hue that reminded me a little too much of blood and I brought it to my lips and took a sip.

“That's pretty good,” Johnny remarked. Sweet, spicy and smoky. “But you don't know jack about mixing drinks.”

“I don't,” I agreed, finding that I rather liked it. I couldn't see myself drinking often, but when I did, I could see myself drinking this.

“Fuck,” Johnny swore, understanding the implication.

“So, what's your burden of the evening?” Claire asked, raising an eyebrow at me as I finished off the drink with the ease of an expert. Experience that I didn't have. “Has to be something. The whole city is practically worshiping you and you're wearing an expression like that.”

I didn't care what the city thought of me. “A friend and I kissed. I didn't expect it,” I admitted after a moment of thought. “I've never given girls a lot of thought. I figured I'd be dead before I met one.” I suppose Dr. K should count, but… I didn't want her to.

Sadly, I instantly saw that I had already tapped Claire's well of advice. I guess my problems were that unusual. All the same, she offered what she could. “Do you like her?” She asked, and that's the part that I was struggling to answer the most. Because I liked Becca. I trusted her. I just never looked at her through a romantic lens because I never looked at anyone through a romantic lens, and now I was and things were… messy. Confusing. A sudden shift in perspective that left me feeling like the ground was unsteady beneath my feet.

However, if I had to put it into words… “Yeah. I think so,” I answered, making Claire give me a different kind of smile. A softer one.

“Then that's what matters. Maybe it'll work out. Maybe it won't. But you won't get anywhere in life if you let ‘maybes’ and ‘what ifs’ get in the way. The world is coming down around our ears, and L… you're in the eye of the storm. Take what happiness that you can and don't let anyone take it away from you,” Claire advised and… I think I understood why people came to bars now. This was surprisingly nice. Johnny was pretty useless, but Claire more than made up for it.

“She told you to follow your heart, dumbass. Just repackaged it. Could pick up any love song and you'd- ah, what am I doing?” Johnny groused, sitting next to me as he knocked back a glass of something. Tequila topped with beer with a chili garnish. “Can we meet the poser now? I would rather spend some time with an Arasaka than dealing with this.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes as I stood up, nodding my thanks at Claire before I began to push my way to a back room. I mulled over the advice that was given and resolved myself to address it when I was done with this. Becca left because she needed space and making out wasn't some binding contract. Shaking my head of the thoughts, I found the backroom in the same state that it usually was -- clean and empty.

Stepping inside, the thumping music immediately vanished the moment that the door closed. Taking a seat, I leaned my head back, waiting for Yorinobu to show up. And, luckily, I didn't have to wait long.

The door opened and a tired looking Yorinobu entered the private booth -- he still seemed put together, but the dark bags under his eyes told me hadn't slept since the invasion began. He was followed by Rogue, and I felt something echo from the connection with Johnny. Something I hadn't before when we last saw her. That told me that the connection ran deeper now, and that was a worrying thought. However, the two of them were followed by someone that I didn't recognize.

Tall, dark skin, short black hair and goatee with hints of white. Broad shouldered, clad in a trench coat that my optics detected armored fiber woven into. His gaze was glued to me, watching me like I was a wild animal that he was trapped in a cage with the moment the door closed. I took that as a sign that I wasn't going to be a fan of him, if he was expecting me to be pissed.

“Pardon our tardiness, L-san,” Yorinobu said, offering a bow, and I could feel Johnny's sneer. “Allow me to introduce Solomon Reed. He works for the NUSA and is part of the discussion that we would like to have with you.”

I was right. I didn't like him.

At the very least, you couldn't call Reed a coward because he sat directly across from me, holding my gaze. “You completely flipped the script in Night City. Everyone wrote the entire western shore off, but now it's the one place in America that is free of the alien presence. I'm here, on orders, from President Meyers. I'll be blunt. We want your tech.”

Johnny scoffed next to me, “The good ol’ NUSA. Don't give a shit about you unless you have something they want to take.” He was bitter about it, but I didn't disagree.

“No,” I answered shortly, making Reed's eyes narrow at me, but I cut off any argument with a hand. “There's nothing that you can offer me that I can't make. There is nothing that you have that I can't take. As far as I'm concerned, Militech and the NUSA are one and the same, and Militech used people that I love as lab rats, took them apart and put them back together until they fucking died.” There was anger in my chest. A burning flame of fury that seemed to grow with every word that I spoke. It… it just… it didn't feel like my anger.

It felt like what I felt in Johnny's memories. An echo of it.

I leaned forward, “Militech is on my shit list. President Meyers is a corpse with a heartbeat because I haven't gotten around to killing her yet. What the fuck did you expect from me? A hand out?”

I could see Reed's guard slowly going up and in a careful tone, he said, “I was led to believe you were a rational person.”

“I am,” I stated without a hint of irony. “You just don't like it. How about we make a bet? How many kids do you think are being snatched off the streets right now for some special program to make another me?” I asked him, and he hid it well, but I saw the wince. “It took a lot of dead kids to make me, Reed. Hundreds and hundreds. I'm betting that it'll be thousands and thousands for the NUSA. They'll keep hammering away at the problem, uncaring of how high the corpses get stacked up.”

There was a tense silence in the room, both Yorinobu and Rogue seemingly alarmed with my attitude. But, they couldn't deny it. No matter how much they might want to. There wasn't a shadow of a doubt in anyone's mind that the NUSA wasn't doing exactly what I was accusing them of. Reed, however, sat emotionlessly, giving nothing away as he continued to hold my gaze.

I felt something. A probe into my system. And the fact that I barely felt it at all told me that I was dealing with a top tier netrunner. “Get your agent out of my system, or I'll take them out,” I growled at Reed. To that, he paused before offering the faintest of nods.

“Songbird. Cease infiltration,” Reed stated, not bothering to hide anything.

“Classic NUSA. One hand open for a handout, and the other reaching into someone's pocket,” I said, and Rogue flinched. An expression that I couldn't analyze flickered across her face before she wiped it away, but she sat uneasily in her chair.

Yorinobu spoke up, trying to soothe the tension in the room. “I understand your-”

“No. You don't,” I cut him off flatly, leveling a sharp look at him. To that, his expression fell ever so slightly. “It's not because you don't want to. It's because you can't. My entire life was a fucking room and watching Arasaka and Militech and all those corpo fucks killing everyone I ever knew. I get out, get them out, and you still won't leave us alone. You're hunting them to get to me. And now, you want to give me enough of a  shit about some common enemy to justify me giving you what you were trying to take? Fuck you.” I snapped at Yorinobu as much as I did Reed.

Reed showed some emotion at that, looking away. He almost looked ashamed as he adjusted his posture, leaning forward. “You're hurt. You're angry. You have reason to be. More than most, I think. But people are going to die.”

“That's not my problem, Reed,” I replied. “I'm not a savior. I'm not a hero. All I care about is me and mine, and Night City lucked out being where my kids ended up settling in. Fuck -- maybe living under the boot of the Turians would do humanity some good. I can't see them doing any worse. God damn soulless corporations grinding people's lives

-- and their dreams -- away for the almighty dollar. Sucking every fucking ounce of life out of the planet in the name of progress and the bottom line. I-”

Shit.

I sounded like Johnny.

More than anything else, that threw me off. I snapped my jaw shut, visibly swallowing my words that were so desperate to spill forth. The three across from me were giving me very worried looks while Rogue looked like she saw a ghost. A long tense silence filled the room that was only broken by the door opening.

I looked over at who it was and my eyes widened when I saw a familiar face, who greeted me casually, “You sure grew some teeth and opinions,” V said as she entered the booth. Reed instantly tensed, ready for a fight. Seems like he was being ambushed as much as I was.

“V? What are you doing here?” I asked her, because V was the very last person I expected to ever see again. At least, without her at the business end of a gun. She’d vanished when Arasaka pulled up all stakes and went private, marking her as essential personnel. I took that as meaning she threw her lot in with Arasaka.

“Playing double agent. Technically speaking, I'm here to steal one of your GN Drives,” V informed, taking a seat. “So, instead, I'm going to ask for one in exchange for some information that you don't have yet.” She was honest, at least. Not sure if that made her a good or bad spy.

“Unless it's the location of whatever hole Arasaka is hiding in, I can't say I have much of interest,” I told her bluntly and, to that, V gave me a humorless smile.

“Not even if I tell you that Arasaka has thrown in with the Turians?” She began and the tension swelled in the room even before she leaned forward, holding my gaze… and I knew the next words she was about to say even before she said them. “How about if I tell you that Arasaka has a working prototype.”

I didn't need to ask her what the prototype was.. I already knew.

They had created another me.