Gacha God: Cheaters Prosper (ch. 42) (Patreon)

There were some fights that you just didn't want to step into the ring. This one was one of them, I concluded as the building deflated like a balloon, folding over on itself. The Reality Stone was one tough cookie to break -- it's why I dismissed using it out of hand as soon as I realized what it could actually do. Reality manipulation was only limited by one's imagination, and creative thinking was where I thrived. I had to, when I had dozens of items and I was looking for ways to break their rules.

So, something like that in my hands? Too easy. Too boring. And Too damn dangerous.

Tony responded to the drooping building first by blasting a hole through the window with his gauntlets. “Secure the Tesseract!” He shouted before he blasted off through the opening while the others were currently tumbling through the air, up until I caught them with my ATs. Gravity was becoming inverted as the penthouse apartment raced down to the ground floor, making everything fall and hit the ceiling. Nothing broke, simply because it was all made of rubber.

“On it!” Hawkeye announced, expertly adapting to the gravity and continuing on to the exit while I laughed myself towards the opening that Tony made. The Tesseract would be the goal. Kilgrave wasn't a completions like I was, but he was a power hungry guy, so I had no doubts in my mind that he was gunning for the Tesseract. And, given what we were up against, it felt like underkill just to send Hawkeye after it, but when I left the the building, I saw that we would need all hands on deck.

I saw eight of me on the street below. They didn't bother with their masks since I already revealed our face. The one in the center clutched the reality stone. The four on each side had a number of things of note -- the time stone, the Scepter, my 13 totem pole, my yoyo. The remaining three, however, were wielding items that I didn't recognize.

A six string bass by the looks of it. Another was wearing some kind of armor that I didn't recognize -- dark blue armor with black mesh in the gaps, with a sword in one hand. Another with a sleeve of tattoos that went up it -- black ink with some kind of formula etched into his skin. Normally, I'd be overjoyed to see what cool shit my power had given me, but usually because said cool shit wasn't about to be used on me.

“What are you, a boy band?” Tony asked as he floated overhead, his body clad in his armor.

“Something like that,” Evil Me #1 replied with a smirk. Then his gaze turned to me, and it was the first time I had ever met myself. Time was a finicky bitch, and matting yourself was essentially spitting in her eye. She cracked down on it pretty hard, annoyingly enough. And while I had considered tempting fate just to see what would happen, I never imagined in a million years that this would be the circumstances.

“I'm so disappointed in you,” I began, flying low to the ground. I couldn't deactivate any of my stuff, otherwise they would be able to use it. “You got minwhsmmied and now you couldn't be any more of a puppet even if someone's hand was up your ass. Kill yourself, you disgrace.” Mind control or not, the sheer amount of shame Evil Mes should be feeling for this mess should be able to override it with sheer force of will. This was genuinely pathetic. I was ashamed of Evil Me.

“Hey, now -- that's hurtful,” Evil Me replied. “Everyone makes mistakes. We make plenty -- we just wipe them away with a little suicide and time travel.”

“Exactly. So kill yourself and let me wind back the clock,” I commanded. “Kilgrave made you loyal, yeah? When has that ever stopped us?” I pointed out, keeping an eye out on the new items. They were of interest to me, and a danger because I didn't know how they worked. Three items, though. Maybe four? Had the time stone moved things along so he got to have more rolls?

“Sorry, but orders are that I can't act in a way that would be against his interest. No can do,” Evil Me shrugged unrepentantly. “That being said, he really wants you dead. Had to bring him back to life and I'll just say you didn't exactly inspire any empthay,” Evil Me remarked.

“Good. Where is that slug? And where are you hiding the last me?” I prompted, mulling over what he told me. I'm pretty sure that Future Me was still in there, but a command like that would be tough to shake off. It was vague enough to allow some general freedom, but ironclad enough that he couldn't simply commit seppuku out of shame. I saw signs of the attempted rebellion.

The Scepter. It was here, with Evil Me, rather than with Kilgrave. The train of thought was probably along the lines of ‘I'll use it to brainwash the Avengers to serve Kilgrave.’ That thought was in his best interest, but it also gave an opportunity to take it back. We undo the mind control, Evil Me kills himself, and then we're in the clear to wind back the clock. Easy peasy. You know, discounting the whole… reality warper thing. And the time control thing.

“Don't you worry about that,” Evil Me deflected, “You'll find out soon enough.” Meaning that the eighth copy of me was currently with Kilgrave. Given how the Ring of Nine Dragon's worked, I could kill all the Evil Mes before me, and the one by his side would simply become the real Evil Me. Annoying. Clever, but annoying.

“Well, this little exchange has been fascinating, but it's a little too early for you two to drive me to drinking. So, how about this -- drop the glowing rocks and the doodads, and we can look into helping this Kilgrave guy out. Sounds like a swell guy. Can't wait to meet him.” Tony said, leveling a gauntlet at the lead one while the rest of the Avengers made themselves known. Thor landed on the ground with a clap of thunder and the smell of ozone, Captain America landing next to him while Bruce Banner held himself back.

“You can kill these chumps,” I told them, planning to do it even if the Avengers hesitated. “The red stone controls reality and the green one controls time. So, watch out for that.”

“... We'll watch out for it,” Captain America said. A split second later, I heard a rumbling under my feet and I threw myself forward before a massive totem pole erupted from underneath me. A full sized one, the totems spinning quickly in an effort to bat me to the side, forcing the rest of the Avengers to scatter. I had the advantage, despite appearances. Flight was one hell of a superpower when it came right down to it.

My gaze went to the new items -- only one of them struck me as capable of flight, and based on how the armored one crouched low, I knew he was coming for me. My Vile Armor struggled against my control as I demanded more from it. Two dozen tendrils of black shadow erupted from my armor, only to condense into a single one that coiled around my arm. Not a second later, the armored Evil Me launched himself forward.

Fast.

Zero to two hundred miles an hour kinds of fast. His blade slammed into the shadow tendril while the rest of Avengers started their own fights. The momentum behind the explosive burst of acceleration carried both of us up into the air, but I immediately noticed that I wasn't feeling any continued momentum. The armor was fast. It just couldn't fly. “Oh, not bad. Be sure to leave it behind when you die, yeah?” I requested, and in response, Evil Me #2 launched his attack.

His attack speed was unreal, but before he managed to deliver the first blow that would have taken my head right off my shoulders, Susanoo emerged from my body, catching the edge of the blade. Still, the force of the blow drove me into the totem pole, which erupted onto butterflies. Hell butterflies -- moths got a bad wrap, when it came right down to it. Butterflies were freakin’ evil, even if they were pretty to look at. Hell butterflies were no different-- black outline with vibrant blues, oranges, and reds.

Then they exploded with the force of a C4 charge. Which wasn't a lot, when you had a good few hundred thousand of them… well, quantity is a quality.

Susanoo ate the force of the explosion, even if the specter ribs cracked. It was the opening that Evil Me #2 had been looking for because through the flames and smoke, he came in with a powerful thrust against the cracked sternum. Ahh… I was getting teamed up against. Was this what it was like to fight me? Because I fought like an asshole.

With my Sharingan spinning, I saw that the thrust would pierce my throat, so I flipped myself backwards and planted my ATs against Evil Me #2's chest and my ATs hummed with life. With a kick, I sent the Evil Me into the air at high enough speeds that the sound barrier shattered and sent the smoke around us flying away. Because of that, I saw Thor and the Evil Me with the bass clashing, and to my immense surprise, the bass guitar was holding up.

“Cheating the system is what that is,” I remarked to myself. They wouldn't know about my gold-gold fruit. Nor would they know about Amaterasu. Two aces I would have up my sleeve. Still, Evil Me got four rolls and two of them were quality stuff? That screamed rigging the game to me, and if my opinion of him could have gotten any lower, then it would have. It never particularly bothered me that my ability was built on chance. Honestly, it was one of the things that I liked about it.

But where was the fun in purposefully getting nat twenties all the time?

That was fucking boring.

The shadow tendril coiled around my arm like a spring before I thrusted it out like I was throwing a punch. The shadows shot forward at high speeds, closing the distance between me and Evil Me #3, and as he clashed with Thor, the tendril skewered him in the head. With a yank, I pulled him up to me as I flew down, pivoting to see where Evil Me #2 was going to land. Reaching out with a hand, I took-

Cosmic Gibson EB-0

The chosen weapon of the Pirate King, who steals entire galaxies and all the treasures within. The Cosmic Gibson EB-0, also known as a bat, is one of the single most powerful weapons in the known universe with a myriad of properties known only to the Pirate King.

“Fuck me -- maybe I should start rigging the game,” I muttered to myself, having no real time to absorb what I read because Evil Me #2 was on his way down and hevwas going for a downward thrust. I flew up to meet him, swinging the bass guitar with the face of it striking the tip of his blade. I expected to feel more resistance as I continued on with my swing, finding that Evil Me’s thrust seemed to be stopped cold.

As my swing continued, I also saw that I struck with a lot more force than I anticipated when the bass guitar struck Evil Me in the chest and sent him flying like a homerun. He smashed through a building, then another, only for that third building to turn to rubber that he bounced back from. I was surprised to see that Evil Me #2 was still alive because I doubt I could have taken a hit like that as I rushed to meet him half way.

The Cosmic Gibson EB-0 did something with kinetic energy. Wasn't entirely sure what yet, but my guess was something like storing it and unleashing it to enhance my attacks. It was a bit of a stretch to call it one of the most powerful weapons in the universe, but that was just scratching the surface as far as I could tell.

Like a spring, Evil Me #2 was launched at me at blistering speeds -- his armor glowing red from the friction as he shattered the sound barrier, going Mach speeds as he raved towards me. My Sharingan watched him approach, and even if I could see where he was going to strike, it was a struggle to react that quickly.

Susanoo barely managed to save me, the tip of his sword carving a deep line in the spectral skeletons ribs. My ATs hummed before I increased the gravity around me, catching Evil Me #2 in my field off effect. In a moment, he went from around two hundred something pounds to closer to a metric ton. He slammed into the asphalt below before I raced down, following him. The road broke under the intensified gravity as I spun the Cosmic Gibson in my hands to reverse my grip on it.

Evil Me #2 tried to raise up his hands to ward off the killing blow, but as the neck of my bass guitar met his sword, the sword snapped in half. The headstock of the bass guitar plunged into his chest with enough force to shatter his armor and the road below him, knocking us both into the sewers. Evil Me #2 struggled momentarily in the murky water before going still.

The Vile Armor reacted instantaneously, flowing over the now empty armor. Bonding with it much like it had done with my cloak-

Carnage Incarnate: Grand Chariot

A set of personalized armor harvested from one of the most dangerous beasts -- a true dragon. The armor adapts to the user, bringing out their utmost potential. The stronger the user is, the greater heights they can reach with Grand Chariot.

The Vile Armor consumed the Grand Chariot, and I felt it flow over me. There was a tingling sensation running down my spine -- a warning of danger.

“You're going to be a troublesome one, huh?” I asked the Vile Armor, tapping a hand over the undamaged surface of where my heart was. Where I stabbed Evil Me. It already ate my cloak. Now it ate a set of power armor. It wasn't the first time I had dealt with items that had bit of personality, but the Vile Armor was proving to be a hit feistier than most. And it made no secret of it because I could swear I heard a chuckle echoing in my ears as I rose to my feet.

No matter. I had more important issues to deal with.

I made a small hop to jump back into the action, but ended up overshooting it by a good dozen feet. I made it work by using my ATs, but it was pretty clear what just happened.

Evil Me hadn't managed to adapt to how the armor worked. I didn't really feel stronger, but I knew I could probably lift a car over my head with the same ease as I could a twenty pound weight. Good thing I managed to get him when I did. And, with two troublesome versions of Evil Me down, I could take stock of the battle.

Unsurprisingly, things weren't exactly going great. I had absolutely no idea where Thor was. Iron Man was currently fighting a wacky inflatable arm man that came to life. And I finished up just in time to see what Evil Me #4 did with his sleeve of tattoos. He raced towards Captain America, undeniably much slower than the super soldier, but when he reached out with a hand to touch the shield…

It disintegrated. Lightning danced over the surface, and the part where Evil Me #4 touched disintegrated into nothing. Hmmm… I was interested, but unlike the bass guitar or the armor, that wasn't something I could loot. It fell into the same category as the Divine Water -- I could steal the jug, but I couldn't claim any water that had been drunk.

Meaning that it was effectively pointless to kill him since the tattoo would simply go back to Evil Me #1. All the same, u took the broken sword and flung it at Evil Me #4’s head, and he had no hope of dodging as he was killed. Captain America glanced my way, his expression tightening as he regarded his ruined shield. I bet that had to sting.

My gaze slid over to the other Evil Mes. Unsurprisingly, they were running support -- Reality for ground control, Time for undoing any progress that might have been made. The only useless one was the one with the Scepter because no one was willing to come close to him with it.

“They're pretty sweet, right?” Evil Me #1 remarked, a lazy and unbothered smile on his face.

“Yeah. You sicken me with your cheating ways, but I'm enough of a shameless bastard to reap the rewards of your evil ways,” I replied flippantly. Where was Thor? Where was Bruce-

Off in the distance, I heard a roar that was quickly followed by the sound of a building crashing. Oh. Seems like I was wrong about not going near the guy with the mind control stick. I wonder who he got? Preferably the Hull, because he'd be a lot easier to manage. Just had to float him in the air and he'd be helpless.

“Fair enough. But, if you're jealous now… i can't imagine how you'll feel when you see what else I rolled,” Evil Me said, giving me a cruel smile as I sucked in a sharp breath. Despite it all -- despite the countless items I had rolled and the countless more I had seen on the list, my mind leapt to a single conclusion.

“Audacity? What is he talking about?” Captain America asked and I heard it. The dull roar of thrusters. My heart sank to my shoes as I looked up into the air… and there I saw it.

A giant robot.

I had been trying to roll a giant robot for literal years. Ever since I first understood the concept and how fucking awesome robots were and how exponentially more awesome they got was proportional to how giant they were. And, looking good up at it -- it was everything that I imagined it be. Blue and white with gold highlights, a human-like bipedal robot that had to be a thousand feet tall…

I grit my teeth, on the verge of weeping bloody tears I was so jealous.

As if I needed another reason to kill him.