Never Fade Away: Metamorphosis (ch. 44) (Patreon)

"There are a lot of country songs about love out there, darlin's. And even more of them about what comes after - songs about finding out that your input or output has been strayin'.

Not ashamed to say I didn't really get it when I first started listening to music. Never been betrayed like that before, and I just can't fathom how someone could backstab their other half like that - it's one thing to screw over some stranger, but… one of your own chooms? Someone you care about? For what, sex? Eddies?

Nora's more worldly now, but bein' frank, I still don't get it. Just seems like moon logic to me. And I'm not particularly inclined to changin' that.

But since we're on the topic, here's Mental Revenge by Waylon Jennings.

~

"Chill out and quit being a Nancy -- they're more equipped to survive in Night City than most people in Night City are," Johnny said, sitting across from me as everyone got boarded up for the flight. I was sitting back, looking straight up at the sky -- or where the sky would be. The commercial flight to the moon had been costly -- a million eddie's for the ticket alone, to say nothing of the accommodations. I was in my own capsule as I and a dozen others waited for the rocket to take off.

I just now realized that my finger was tapping against the safety harness. A bad habit that Johnny gave me. I was more annoyed with the tell than I was with the bleed-through. "I've never left the city before. If anyone realizes that I have…" I replied within the confines of my own mind. I was the threat that hung over everyone's heads -- the megacorporations, the gangs, the cops, anyone else with a gun and a bad idea. None of them dared to attack the kids because they knew I would be there, and that there would be hell to pay.

Attacking the kids was a particularly nasty form of suicide as far as the streets were concerned. But someone might be just stupid enough to try it if they thought they saw an opportunity.

"It's… what, three days? That's nothing. You were already out of it for five," Johnny dismissed my concern.

"Eight hours," I corrected, catching his attention. "It'll take about eight hours to reach the moon. Aerospace had a 'breakthrough' about five years back," I elaborated. I suspected it was eezo, but I couldn't be sure. It could just be a coincidence -- Aerospace was the megacorpration that focused on space travel. I'm sure their RnD divisions were constantly looking to push the bleeding edge tech that they had.

"Fuuuck. A trip to the moon is as mundane as a trip to Atlanta now," Johnny mused as a little screen popped up letting me know that the countdown began. "Point made though. It's eight hours. How much trouble could they really get in in a sixteen hour round trip?" He asked, and I saw the logic. I heard what he was saying. I just didn't like it.

Johnny saw that, so he changed the subject, "Could you beat that time? Whip something up that'll leave this bucket of bolts in the dust?" He asked, sounding genuinely curious.

I could feel the charges in the back of my mind lurch forward, battering at the dam that held them back. Twenty-four charges. I had already gained more than what I spent developing the Auto-Doc tech. It was getting harder to prevent an accidental use of a charge. I could feel them now too, like an ever present headache in the center of my brain. The biochip had overclocked my ability. Massively.

"Probably," I admitted, stonewalling the charges that tried to be spent. "But it would have taken me longer to develop it than it would to hop on a commercial flight." The deadline that David gave me loomed, and it was past time that I started working on it. The only thing holding me back was I wanted to be in the proper mindset when I went to create a blueprint. I might not be able to pick and choose what I got, but I did know I could guide the process by directing the charges to my immediate needs.

If the rocket got attacked in space, my charges would give me something like a fighter spaceship. But, if I was in my office, thinking about everything the kids would need in deep space, I would get something like a colony ship.

"That ability of yours is pure bullshit, but it'd be nice if you could show those corpo stooges how to design a proper spaceship. I want to see Mars Man's Hot Rocket," Johnny remarked and I… had no idea what he was talking about. I didn't get the chance to ask because the countdown reached zero and I felt like a car was suddenly parked on my chest. There was a dull roar that echoed from the thrusters and looking through the window, I saw the ocean was moving.

Reaching the atmosphere took no more than five minutes and I felt the artificial gravity kick in. It wasn't one to one with Earth, but by spinning the interior of the ship at high enough speeds, they could force an up and a down.

"Look at that. Finally became a world traveler," Johnny said, thumping me on the shoulder as I continued to look out the window. I saw Earth's atmosphere fading away, and the ship purposely banked so we all could get a view.

"Johnny…" I trailed off, looking at the blue planet that we had left behind. "The world is pretty big, huh?" I asked him, realizing that I could barely even see Night City off of the coast of North America. The ocean… it was a lot bigger than I expected. I knew the numbers. I could probably tell you how many gallons of water were in the Pacific Ocean. I just… hadn't conceptualized how big it would be.

Johnny chuckled, "Bigger than you realize. The world's bigger than that room and a hell of a lot bigger than Night City." He replied, giving me a moment as the rocket continued on to the moon. To David and Lucy. To the younger kids that went with them. To Kiwi.

"It looks like it's dying," I muttered, looking at the great swaths of brown across the globe. Green meant forests and stuff, though the idea of a bunch of trees growing without any kind of structure or planning didn't really make a lot of sense to me. But, the point was, there was a lot more sand, dust, and dirt than there were grass and forests.

"Courtesy of the megacorps," Johnny replied with a sneer, and I felt an echo of his hate. "It was bad fifty years ago. Everyone saw how Arasaka and all the others were squeezing every last enny out of even the most fuckin' destitute, and they weren't stopping there. They were choking the life out of the goddamn planet. Fuckin' sucks to be proven right." He almost sounded a little mournful.

A charge has been spent!

Horizon: Zero Dawn: Terraforming -- 1

I winced as a charge slipped past me, squeezing through my mental fingers to be used. I managed to catch it at only a single charge though. My mind became filled with an idea, though -- mechanical machines released into the wild to cultivate the Earth. It would be best to go with some animal designs, mimicking the natural abilities of creatures that had evolved to transverse that terrain. Though, I didn't get the robotics part that complimented the idea.

Still, the idea floated in my head. Introducing nitrates and cultivating biological material to reintroduce to the soil. Making it healthy again. Where it could grow again.

I tried to picture it in my head -- the dusty parts of the world being lush and green. Natural and untamed.

"Wouldn't be long until the corpos kill it again," Johnny said, as if he read my thoughts. He might have, for all I knew. "So long as they're still kicking, they'll squeeze blood from a stone. Or try to at least. Suppose that's why so many of them are leaving for the Moon. For Mars too," he continued.

I didn't disagree with him. "Kaiden reached out to me about giving some stuff for Night City. So Yorinobu could campaign or something." It was easier picturing Night City surrounded by green. With forests full of palm trees and whatever animals lived in forests. I'm not really sure if I would go there myself, but it was the opposite of what we had now. Which made it sound appealing.

Johnny made a noise of disgust. "That poser is just trying to land on his feet," he dismissed and, slowly, the ship banked away from earth so I could see the vast blackness of space. And to my immense surprise, I saw a truly ludicrous number of stars. The light pollution around Night City was so bad you couldn't see most of them, I knew that much, but I hadn't expected to see so many stars.

Each one a sun. A sun with planets orbiting around it. A planet that the kids and everyone else could have to themselves without fear.

"I was… too stubborn, huh? Trying to carve a slice of heaven out of hell," I muttered to myself. We could pick a random star in the galaxy and the megacorps would never be able to find us. To that, Johnny had nothing to say, and I turned my focus on the task at hand. I had eight hours to kill and I was determined to be productive with them. I took out my tablet and pulled up my blueprints.

The blueprint to version 1.0 of the Autodoc could use some tweaks. And I had some ideas for using the tech I had better. I had spent so much time on the GN Drive, trying to get the current model to work, or figure out why it wasn't working, that the rest had fallen to the wayside.

The hours ticked by in silence, the task consuming my focus. Enough so that charges got spent when I wasn't careful.

A Charge has been spent!

MCU: PYM Particle -- 4> 6

Cyberpunk 2077: Cyberware -- 6> 8

Without fail, each charge that was spent made the remainder a lot easier to manage. It was annoying to spend them without intending to, but the charges spent worked in my favor as ideas and realizations started to float around in my head. Ironically enough, I had been thinking too small in regards to PYM particles.

I began to design a blueprint of a piece of tech that would take a few notches of my spine. I had been transporting PYM particles in external containers, but what if I could shove a factory inside me to make them inside of myself? Fully automated so that, in theory, I would never run out? So that I could use them on anything?

The idea was worth exploring, but before I got a chance to really bite into it, the intercom informed us that we were about to dock. The artificial gravity fell away as the ship lined itself up to dock. There was a slight vibration and that was that.

It was shockingly mundane, I thought -- stepping onto the Moon. Getting out of the pod, I saw the other passengers doing the same. I thought I would stand out in my casual attire, but to the one percent, it really was just a car drive. I saw people in their pajamas, slacks, and the only odd one out was actually the one wearing a suit.

We were ushered out into an airlock and I waited a few seconds for the cycle to complete before-

"... whoa," I muttered, stepping forward to see a glass domed hallway that let us see the surface of the Moon. It was a lot of barren white rock and dust. There shouldn't have been anything particularly mesmerizing about it, but it was all the same. As the others on the ship passed me by, I lingered a while, looking out at the view -- at the surface of the Moon with Earth in the backdrop, framed by countless stars and inky blackness. It was a hypnotic sight.

Enough so that I completely failed to notice someone approaching from behind until they dropped an arm over my shoulder. "Hell of a view," David agreed, looking out with me. "Me and Lucy couldn't tear our eyes off of it. Had to be ushered out when the next ship came to dock.

Gently, David led me away, "Hear you've been busy," he remarked, smirking at me as my gaze lingered awhile longer before I finally looked at him. He looked the same as I last saw him -- unlike his usual self. To hide his identity while on the Moon. His gaze lingered on the yellow medic jacket that I wore -- his jacket. "Looks good on you."

I gave a small smile in response to that, but before I could say more, I caught a blur in the corner of my eye and a split second later it felt like I got punched in the gut. Which wasn't quite the case, but it was close with T headbutting me in the gut with a full on tackle hug. "L! You're here!"

T had grown some hair since the last time I saw him, black like my own. I ruffled it after I took a step back, making the younger boy smile up at me while David simply chuckled. "You've grown," I observed. And he was faster. I still saw the metallic joint at the base of his neck, telling me that the Sandevistan that was put in him was still there.

"Are you coming to live on the Moon with us?!" T barged into the conversation like a wrecking ball, clinging to me as a warning light told us to move along away from the airlock. Another set of double doors opened, revealing the colony on the Moon, and…

I didn't like it. It felt sterile, the same way that the Orphanage did. There was more color -- high end restaurants, brand name clothing stores that I had seen adverts for back in Night City, and so on and so on. But the walls were white trimmed with gold, and everything was too clean. The people dressed like corpos, some of them being pulled along by a hover drone, the colony seemingly possessing layers of gravity for ease of movement. Above was a glass dome that allowed us to see the stars above, and that was about the only thing I liked about it.

"I can't," I told him, feeling bad for just how crestfallen T looked. "I'm just here to check in on you. You like it here?" I asked him, my gaze going to the security. They almost looked out of place, but I saw what Lucy had meant -- security was out in force. Drones, mechs, and soldiers that had some preem implants chipped in. Sandys, Mantis Blades, Projectile Launchers, so on and so on. It couldn't be for me. They didn't even recognize me as they passed us by.

"It's different," David answered for T. "Really different. But, it's not all bad. Everything here is top-notch -- food, accommodations, entertainment. Too quiet for me, but the kids settled in just fine." That was a relief to hear. We stepped onto a conveyor belt for those that couldn't be bothered to walk, and I noticed that we were heading below ground.

Beyond the welcoming area, the colony became tunnels that had an overlay of the blue sky with some clouds thrown in on the ceiling. Plants lined the walls -- trees, grass that was greener than I had ever seen, and flowers. The only ones I had ever seen were made of plastic, so I had been half convinced that they weren't real. But they were. Just not for the people on Earth.

"So, everything is… okay?" I ventured to David, who just smirked in response.

"Well… carrying about a thousand kids in tow wasn't how I imagined me and Lucy going to the Moon, but it's been good," David answered. He might not be wearing his face right now, but David seemed… calm. At peace, even. "More hectic than being an Edgerunner, for sure. Barely a day goes by when something doesn't happen. Like T sneaking out. Lucy just barely managed to freeze him out of klepping a rocket off this rock."

"It's boring here. I wanna fight Arasaka too!" T complained and I think that between taking down the megacorps and the kids, I had probably handed off the harder part of the job to David and Lucy.

"Hell no. Not a chance," I shot him down and based on how his face twisted, he fully expected me to be on board with the idea.

"I'll give that hellhole that brought you up one thing -- it sure knew how to raise some sharks," Johnny commented, leaning against the handrail as we moved along.

I ignored the comment to focus on David chuckling. "Come on. It'd be nice to see someone else get mobbed for a change," David said, gesturing for me to follow. I did and the more I saw of the Moon colony, the more I hated it. It just felt so… Clean. And it was quiet. The kind of quiet that made reminded me of the Orphanage. It even smelled clean. I would take the chaotic streets of Night City any day of the week over this.

All the same, David led me to where they were staying. The Moon colony was broken up into various districts, almost like Night City. Most of them were reserved for various corporations, but all of them were interconnected through the tunnels that ran below the surface. Though, calling them tunnels were an understatement -- some were as vast as any megabuilding I had ever seen, and were as wide open as any city block.

A whole lot of room for a place that boasted thirty thousand people. A perk of that was David and Lucy getting their own sizable chunk of the pie. An underground manor, complete with a lawn and a water fountain. Like the tunnels, a sky was overlaid on the ceiling and if I didn't know any better, I would think that I was back on Earth.

David opened the door, revealing a luxurious manor. One that was in a chaotic fit with a couple dozen kids already terrorizing each other. At least until they took notice of me. "L!" They shouted at me, the boys tackling me while the girls watched on. They didn't know me anywhere near as well.

Lucy stepped out from around a corner, a soft smile on her lips. "You look good for someone that threw down with Adam Smasher. A second time," she remarked, approaching. I was surprised when I found myself wrapped in a gentle hug. Then, with a whisper in my ear, she said, "You might not be happy with how you beat them, but seeing you chasing off Arasaka was one of the happiest moments of my life."

Pulling back, she thumped me on the chest, and I would have shrugged if both my arms weren't being commandeered by T and the others.

"L! L! Did you bring presents?!" One of the boys asked, all but patting my pockets to check.

I looked to David, uncertain what exactly they were asking for. He scratched the back of his neck, "Gifts, basically. I don't know much about it, but apparently it's a thing when people go out on trips to bring back souvenirs for others."

That didn't make any sense. "Technically, shouldn't I be bringing the kids back on Earth presents then?" I asked, making David laugh as the kids around me groaned. I fought off a smile, "But I suppose I do have something," I said, reaching into my belt and passing a case to Lucy. She took it, keeping out of the grubby hands of the kids that wanted to see. They were all young. As young as T was, who was six years old.

"Supplies," I answered. "Materials, eddies, that sort of thing." Lucy immediacy seemed thankful and I was glad that I grabbed it on the way out the door. "I also have this…" I said, placing another tablet on the floor before triggering the growth. The kids were in awe as the tablet became a full scale mannequin. Only instead of body armor, it was filled with implants.

Immediately, I saw David's interest. "They're tailor made for you. I wouldn't recommend chipping in all of them at once, though. I marked 'em at stages, so go with whatever you think you need. Or what you can handle." It had some things that he was familiar with. A Sandy, Projectile Launcher, biotic joints, and so on. Just improved and made to complement each other.

He shot a more familiar look at me. A look that he wore when he was on a gig. "What's the occasion?" He questioned, glancing at Lucy and… she was looking at the mannequin like she wasn't a fan of it. I… don't think she would like the one I gave her. I felt a little guilty now.

"You tell me. I saw the security on the way in. Looked like they were preparing for war," I remarked, giving Lucy a meaningful look. She started to answer before thinking better of it. Instead, she dropped down to a knee at the kids level.

"The grownups need to talk for a bit, so how about you head upstairs for game time a little early?" She asked, and just like that, most of the kids lost all interest in me. With the exception of T, who lingered until I gave him a small nod. Lucy waited until they were out of sight before speaking in a low tone, "There's nothing."

My eyebrows rose, "Nothing?"

"The rank and file are clueless. The ones giving the orders don't know why either. I'm looking further up the chain of command, but as far as I can tell, the order came from high up." Lucy began, and my suspicions rose. "It's not just Militech either. All major war companies got approached for contracts, but no word on who they'd be fighting."

Thats… "That's weird, right?" I ventured and David nodded.

"People think it's the next Corpo War over Arasaka's market share, " David said, not sounding convinced. "Either way, if there's trouble coming… this'll come in handy." To that, Lucy let out a quiet sigh. At that moment, I felt like an intruder into their peaceful lives. "But you aren't here for rumors."

I let out a quiet sigh of my own. "Kiwi," I confirmed. "She here?"

"Arrived just before you did," Lucy confirmed, her tone sad but resigned. "She's in the gardens up top. She already started infiltrating the net here -- still has the Skeleton Key."

David frowned at me, "I-"

I already knew what he was going to offer. "No. Your cover is still intact, and the kids are more important. It's safer if it's me," I reasoned and I could tell that David wasn't surprised by it. He came to the same conclusion I did.

"She was part of my crew. If I had seen the signs…" He trailed off before he shook his head. There was no point in dwelling on it. "She has to die. No argument about that. Just… make it fast, yeah?" He requested and I nodded in response.

I didn't want to torture Kiwi. If I found her just after I learned she betrayed us, then that might have been different, but a month and some change later… "It'll be quick," I promised.

"You're going to do it now?" Lucy asked and I hesitated for a moment, tempted to linger to check in on all of the kids.

But I nodded all the same. "Things are happening in Night City without Arasaka there. I need to get back sooner rather than later." She seemed disappointed with my answer but not surprised.

And, based on the look that David was giving me, neither was he.

…

"You have a family," Johnny remarked as I made my way to the gardens on my own. Lucy was scrubbing my existence from the video recordings everywhere I had been. A month on the Moon and there wasn't a subnet that didn't belong to her. "A big brother and sister, and a metric fuck load of younger siblings. Caught snippets of that during the highlight reel, but didn't know how deep it ran."

I wasn't sure what Johnny was fishing for with the remark. "And?"

Johnny didn't say anything, leaving me to approach the doors to the garden. They slid open and-

I flinched, "Is that what a forest is supposed to look like?" I wondered, seeing a lot of green. Green leaves, green grass, green stalks, and shrubs. There were other colors, of course, but the overwhelming amount of it was green. Things were segmented into plots, some even clinging to the walls as space peered through the glass dome that gave a great view of earth. There was even a small pond.

"Not even close," Johnny answered, disgust in his voice. "Way too orderly."

This was orderly? It felt like a chaotic mess. When I imagined a forest, I pictured a lot of trees in long rows that stretched on for… I don't know. A couple of city blocks, however big a forest was supposed to be. The gardens looked like they shoved trees, shrubbery, and flowers in single plots and called it a day. It looked lazy, honestly. The worst of it was the birds that were making some noise -- tweeting, I suppose. It was grating and annoying.

Shaking my head at it, I pressed forward, stepping by a handful of people that were walking the gardens. I knew who I was looking for, and it wasn't time to get distracted.

I thought it would be a more difficult search, but I found her. She sat on a bench, overlooking the lake and out at Earth in the distance. A haunting view. Kiwi didn't look anything like herself. Her hair was dark blue, she wore casual clothing, and her face wasn't a mask even if it was cybernetic. My finger twitched, tempted to pull out a gun and just do it there. It wouldn't be a terrible way to go. At least the view was nice.

Yet…

I found myself walking forward, barely aware that I was doing it. It was different. Very different. A lot harder too.

I've killed hundreds of people by now. I flatlined them without batting an eye and I could barely recall what most of them looked like. They didn't matter to me. In the end, they were just in my way.

This was different. I knew Kiwi. And I…

"Why'd you do it?" I asked her, approaching from behind as I slid onto the bench next to her. Kiwi glanced over at me, and our eyes met.

"You found me faster than I thought you would," she remarked, unsurprised.

I chewed on the casual answer for a moment, "I didn't know if I wanted to find you at all." I knew I had to zero her. Becca said so. Lucy and David said so. I knew I had to kill her too. I wanted to, even. I just didn't understand… why? "Why did you do it? You knew what I could do. Why didn't you just believe in me like the others?"

No one had ever betrayed me like Kiwi did. Time had lessened the sting, but being in her presence was poking the wound. Becca gave me her take, and I accepted it, but it was a bitter pill.

Kiwi just laughed at me before she looked back at Earth. "Might have stuck around longer if you pulled something like that lasergun out earlier, but this was always going to happen. I saw the writing on the wall," Kiwi began, and there was a sigh in her voice. "And I was right. For the most part."

I clenched my jaw, looking out at Earth too, "About?" I bit the word out, less than pleased with what I was hearing. I thought she would have an excuse. Or I hoped that she would. Some magic string of words that would make me understand why she betrayed me.

I… didn't want to kill her.

"You," Kiwi answered bluntly in a way that seemed so familiar. "Didn't think you had it in you to fuck up Arasaka. That was a surprise to me, but L… you still don't get it, do you? You're not fighting megacorporations," she paused, still not looking at me. "You can kill Arasaka. Militech, Aerospace, Biotech, Zeta, and so on. Burn them all to the ground. Kill 'em all to the last man, woman, and child. And you won't change a single damn thing."

Kiwi inclined her head at Earth, "it's not an accident that the world ended up how it is. Blame goes to the megacorporations, sure, but that's just because people don't know the names or the faces of the people who made the decisions. You could wind back the clock, and even knowing where the finish line is, Earth would still end up in the same exact spot."

That sounded a lot like what Johnny said. "So you sold my tech to Arasaka? To the people that cut me open like a fucking lab rat? Who turned my friend into an eezo farm? That what you want to fucking tell me?" I felt my anger rising and Kiwi looked at me, surprised by my tone. Distantly, I realized that maybe she was right to. I could only recall two times that I acted like this.

"I did," Kiwi didn't make any excuses. "Didn't know at the time you were on a collision course with them. If I did, I would have taken Militech's offer. Even if it was less." There wasn't an ounce of repentance or shame to be found there.

I…

"You're not sorry at all, are you?" I asked her, my hand clenching into a fist.

"I looked out for number one. No different than anyone else. No different than you either," Kiwi replied, not giving me an answer. "Wished the best for those kids. That's why I helped with the meds before I left, but I don't know them. I'm not going to risk my life for them. And that is what you're fighting against, L." She said, finally looking back at me. "You're picking a fight with human nature and you're expecting to win."

I didn't meet her gaze, knowing exactly what I was going to do. If she apologized… maybe… I…

"This war you're fighting is never going to end. You might beat the megacorporations, you might topple governments, but you won't ever win. There will always be someone that wants you -- your ability -- and they won't stop until they have it, or they beat you. Because that's human nature too," she finished.

I blew out a sigh. "Anything else you'd like to say?" I asked her, and Kiwi closed her eyes.

Kiwi seemed to chew on that for a moment and, for a second, I thought she was going to try something. "If you give half a shit about those kids, you’d never come near them. You’ll always be the biggest danger to them," Kiwi told me, her tone sharp enough to cut. Spite, I realized. She was using her last words to hurt me. “As long as you exist, they’ll never be safe.” I was here to kill her, so I couldn’t fault her anger. I let her get it off her chest…

Then I moved. In a single swift motion, aided by my sandevistan, I plunged a thermal knife into the back of her skull and into her brain.

She was dead before she realized what had happened.

My perception of time returned to normal and Kiwi's head slumped forward, as if she were asleep. I sat next to her, my jaw clenched. I killed more than I cared to count, but this… this felt like Dr. K's death. Her murder.

A sigh escaped me and I went to stand until a shadow fell over me. At first, I dismissed it, figuring it was something to do with the dome. That lasted until Johnny appeared next to me, muttering.

"What the fuck…?" He breathed and I looked up to see what he was talking about.

Beyond the dome, in the vacuum of space, were ships unlike anything I had ever seen. One of them was long, some four thousand feet long and it was flanked by smaller ships that all generally had the same overall look. A cross-like build with a long point before fanning out with the wings before tampering back off. Dull gray metal with intermittent lighting…

I almost thought I was imagining it as one of the smaller ships banked towards the colony while the rest of the odd two hundred ships continued onward to Earth.

Then the alarm started to blare and it all suddenly became very real.

"I'll tell you one thing, L -- if nothing else, things are never boring with you around."