Never Fade Away: In The End (ch. 17) (Patreon)

"Where the fuck is the fucking- oh, there it is," I muttered to myself as I stood surrounded by bits and pieces of equipment ranging from wires, nuts and bolts, electronics, and some metal plating. Grabbing the wrench, I started aggressively unhooking a bolt that I had secured way too tightly. Normally, building things gave me peace of mind. A zen-like state where my brain turned off all unnecessary functions and I could just work without thinking about anything other than the task at hand.

That zen-like state was beyond me at the moment. A headache pounded between my temples, a knot of tension was between my shoulder blades, and it felt like no matter how many times I cracked my neck, it still ached. Cursing was the only thing that helped relieve the frustration as I dismantled the progress that I made because it wouldn't work.

"You alright in there?" I heard Jack call out, sounding amused. I swallowed down a sharp retort in favor of rolling myself back out of what I was trying and failing to build. Jack was seated on a chair, watching me work. Mostly to make sure I didn't horribly fuck something up and end up crushed underneath half a ton of metal and electronics that didn't work.

"Fine," I answered, my frustration leaking into my tone while I wiped my hands off on my shorts and tossed the wrench into the lockbox.

"Doesn't sound like it," Jack remarked, watching me get up to wash my hands since they were covered in grease. Getting a squirt from a bottle, the grease instantly began to break down as I lathered my hands up with it. The soap separated the grease from my skin. Useful for mechanics. "What are you even trying to build? Seems like it's gotten your panties in a twist."

"I'm trying to combine a GN. Drive with the tank," I answered, my gaze flickering to my reflection. My skin was still pale and smudged with dark grease. However, my hair had grown out to a point that it couldn't be called short anymore. It tickled my ears, and I wasn't used to having it on my forehead, but I didn't shave it off… even if I wanted to sometimes. I didn't know how Jack dealt with hair as long as hers. "The Arasaka tank was totaled because Militech shot the engine, totally wrecking it. I have the specs that it performed at, but Maelstrom had no idea how to build something to meet them."

I gestured to the GN. Drive that powered our home, "I figured I could use the GN. Drive as an engine but I can't get the damn thing to fit." Washing my face, I did feel a bit refreshed but the feeling of frustration wasn't leaving. Turning around, I looked at what should be the GN. Drive MK. II. The issue with the baryon decay should be fixed, but the issue I had with it now was that the thing was too damn big.

"Could you jury rig another engine up to it?" Jack offered, and I knew she was trying to help, but the suggestion wasn't feasible. I had the specs and design for a Militech engine, but that didn't mean I could shove it into an Arasaka tank. And I had to go with an Arasaka because the specs I had for a Militech tank were far more incomplete. Honestly, I'm pretty sure that Arasaka got ripped off with the gig. Not that I was complaining.

"No," I answered, going to my laptop to see what the design should look like. Mostly the same as a standard  Arasaka tank, but at the back was a relatively small GN. Drive. By relative, I meant it was smaller than a garage like the one that was currently powering our home, which was about as big as the tank itself. The one on the design was about as big as a small car -- too large, and a clear vulnerability, but it was better than having no tank at all. "I need to make the GN Drive smaller. But if I go any smaller then it either doesn't work or if it does work, then it's too big."

Jack responded by walking up and giving the already too large GN Drive a swift kick. "Make the tank bigger then," Jack voiced her solution and… that one had more merit. In response, I grabbed the design of the tank and tried to expand it. It did make the tank about the size of a small house, but it was feasible. The GN Drive would have large enough of an output to power it several times over, even with the reduced capacity of the one I was trying to build to make it smaller.

The issue was that it would be unusable within the city. Completely unable to make sharp turns, back alleys would be a pipe dream… scrapping the design, I made it smaller-

Tilting my head, I repeated the process. Bigger. Smaller. Bigger. Smaller. Bigger… smaller. "Huh," I muttered, an idea kicking around my head.

"Huh, what?" Jack questioned as I brought up a new tab and started designing something.

"Atoms are the building blocks of everything material in the world," I spoke up as I felt the frustration start to melt away. "How tightly or loosely compact they are determines density and size. But, in theory, if I could manipulate the space between the atoms, I could control the size of something…" I muttered, drawing up a draft of something. Something I wasn't quite sure was real but my gut was telling me that it was possible.

"A shrink ray?" Jack questioned, cocking an eyebrow at me. And… yeah, kind of.

"Something like that," I muttered, pulling up references. It was weird. Manipulating the space between atoms, if it was possible… density would be a really big issue. If I made a car-sized GN. Drive the size of, say, a soda can… then that soda can could weigh up to a half-ton. Or would the reduction in space between the atoms reduce its mass? Would it suddenly weigh as much as a soda can?

Honestly, I had no real idea at the moment, but it was an idea worth playing with. And it was an idea that I played around with. Regina was used to it at this point, I imagine, so I just sent her a text saying that I was going to be unavailable for the next week. In that week, I started building and developing a blueprint of something that I didn't know quite how to describe.

The days went by in relative peace. Jack came and went, usually with Becca, who'd tease me for being a shut-in. Kiwi would occasionally shoot me texts about the Skeleton Key, but at this point, the coding matrix just needed stimuli and she could handle that. David and Falco were frequent visitors, both building the new car as they printed off pieces bit by bit. With each day that passed, I inched closer to a breakthrough if what I was trying to do was even possible.

I had no idea, really. I had absolutely no idea if it was possible even as I built a machine that, in theory, could manipulate the space between atoms.

"Is that it?" Becca questioned, leaning over a sofa that she had fabricated for her own comfort. I wasn’t really sure when she came inside, but I tended to ignore things when I was working. Glancing over my shoulder while the computer started going through system checks, I saw her and Jack sitting on the couch and from the angle, I saw that Jack had another tattoo -- one that started at the base of her skull before descending underneath the jacket she had on. I couldn’t quite tell what it was, but it was segmented along her vertebrae.

I also saw that they were smoking something. That explained the smell.

“Think so. You two might want to clear out,” I said, getting greens on the system checks. I looked at the prototype in question -- A platform with three pronged emitters that were pointed directly at the platform. All of that was surrounded by thick and reflective shielding. Not sure how effective it would be, though.

“Scared its gonna blow up?” Jack questioned, cocking her head at me.

I looked at the prototype for a moment, then at the math that I had been doing to confirm that it was, in theory, possible. “Uh… if this thing doesn’t work as intended, then blowing up is the least devastating thing it's going to do.” There was a small, however slight, chance that it’d rip open a hole in space and time. What that would do? No clue, but I’m guessing the answer was not good things. “So, now's your chance before I turn it on,” I said, taking the wrench that I had used to test the Material Recycler.

“I’m good,” Jack decided with a shrug, taking a blunt from Becca and taking a big hit from it. “You don’t do small, L, so it’ll take out the city if it breaks,” she offered and that was less than reassuring. Actually, that wasn’t reassuring at all.

“If it’s gonna ‘xplode, then I want to be at ground zero,” Becca agreed, giving me an oversized thumbs up. Swallowing a sigh, I set the wrench on the platform before exiting the shielding.

“Fine. Then we’ll all die together,” I responded. Everything was green. I was ready to test it out. Looking at the computer, I saw the proportions that I wanted the wrench to become… so… “Three… two… one…” I pressed the start button and the three-pronged emitters began to glow. Everything was within the correct parameters. Nothing was exploding. Yet.

Three separate arcs of whitish energy slammed into the wrench, filling the chamber with white light. Squinting at through the tinted glass, I watched the process take place and my heart leapt to my throat even before the light faded.

“We’re not dead?” I heard Jack ask as I opened up the chamber to take out the wrench. It had been reduced to half of its size by the Material Recycler. Now? Now it was back to its original size. It weighed about a pound, the amount that it should. No readings of exotic radiation of any kind, so it was safe… still, how in the fuck did that work?

“Wait, wait, wait -- hold the fuck up. L, what did you just do?” Becca spoke up as I gave the wrench a spin. With my optics, I saw that it was structurally sound. Meaning… it was a normal wrench. “That…” Becca continued before I put the wrench back into the chamber to begin the second test -- this time, shrinking it.

Firing it up while she scrambled to her feet, the light died down by the time she arrived next to me with a slack jaw. The second test was to make things smaller. When the test was done, I saw it. On the table was the wrench. Instead of being about a foot long… it was an inch long. Reaching inside and grabbing it, I held it up, zooming in on the tiny wrench to see that there was no loss in functionality.

“You seriously built a shrink ray? L, what the fuck even is that brain of yours?!” Becca exclaimed, far more interested in the invention now. “This is some cartoon shit! What the fuck?!” She continued, barely believing her eyes as I continued my inspection. It was light. A couple of grams. Felt like it would be easy to bend, but when I gave it a test, I felt resistance. So… it was lighter, but its structural integrity stayed what it would be if it was larger?

That… literally made no sense. What the fuck was going on here? I know I invented whatever the hell this is, but that shouldn’t be possible.

“Don’t look at me,” I responded, preparing for test three to return it to its normal size. “I have no clue how this thing works.”

“L, you built it!” Becca exclaimed as I hit the wrench a third time. This time, however, there was an issue. My sensors inside of the chamber gave me a warning that the structural integrity of the wrench was breaking down, but nothing catastrophic. As a result, when the light ended, I saw the wrench -- the gear spoke was the size of a marble, the head was the size of a basketball and the handle was a liquid puddle. “You don’t get to say you don’t know what’s going on!”

Fair point, but I really didn’t. The space between the atoms was changing. That much I had a handle on. Everything else? Where the weight was going or where it came? Why it still had the structural integrity of a much larger object? That stuff simply didn’t make any sense. No clue why it was happening. The third test, as far as I could tell, hinted that there was either a hard limit to how many times something could change size or there was a cool down. More testing would be required.

However, the results were interesting.

“L, you can’t let that tech fall into the corpos hands,” Becca voiced as my mind lit up with plans. A portable tank would be nice. A portable, invisible tank. Not to mention that this could completely revolutionize my implants. My current cyberdeck was completely geared toward utilizing quickhacks and the Skeleton Key. There was no room for anything else. However, what if I put an entire server room worth of capacity in the cyberdeck? Then made it as small as a thumbtack?

I understood what Becca meant even as I started making plans.

“Yeah, I hear you. This is going to change everything,” I muttered.

The next couple of days were a blur of experimentation with what I was calling PYM Particles or Placement Yield Manipulation Particles. Where the extra mass went or where it was pulled from? No clue. However, I did learn that PYM Particles could be stored in cells around the size of a battery -- bright red in color. Also? Very bad idea to spill them on something.

Items operated on a cool down that got longer depending on how many times it was shrunk or expanded. If there was an upper limit on how big things could get, I hadn't found it, but I did learn that things could get small enough that I lost them. The last and most important thing that I learned was that the PYM Particles did not like organic matter. Everything organic -- both meat and plant based -- was reduced to a primordial goo.

Why?

No clue. I just knew that it was by far the weirdest tech that I had invented so far.

It also radically changed how I approached my blueprints. It meant I could design a full sized GN. Drive the size of a soda can that wouldn't throw off the weight distribution. The only issue became making sure certain parts of it were large enough to connect to the rest of the tank. For now, though, I held off on building the tank in favor of starting to build my cyberdeck. I had a number of servers already, but I was currently designing what amounted to three seperate server rooms along with hundreds of powerful CPU chips and RAM sticks.

The only thing holding the process up was what I was going to implement into the cyberdeck itself. With that kind of space and processing power, the sky was the limit when it came to what we could put on it. Most personal ICE was held back by hardware constraints. The better the ICE, the more space it would occupy, and the less there would be for other features. This cyberdeck, in practice, would act more like ICE for a building. Something that was far more difficult to get through because the ICE could be extremely thick in addition to having multiple layers.

I reached out to Lucy and Kiwi to start developing some Black ICE to take full advantage of the features-

…

Jack lobbed a ball at the back of L's head as he poured over the screen. His head jerked forward before he turned around, pinning a look at her. His eyes had dark bags underneath them, his hair had some level of build up, and he was sporting a scratchy beard. He usually kept it shaved down because he didn't like the feeling of it. "Just making sure you're still alive," Jack remarked, leaning on the doorframe to L's workroom.

"Hm. Fine," L grunted, sounding so exhausted that more complex words were beyond him.

"Becca and I are heading out. Coming with?" Jack questioned, both hopeful and doubtful. She guessed the answer before she even got it. L scratched at his cheek, glancing around at the workroom before he shook his head.

"Working," L answered, turning his attention back to the computer. Jack wanted to smash the thing over his fucking head. She settled for rolling her eyes and flipping him the bird behind his back before leaving. Becca was waiting by the car, not at all shocked that she was coming back alone.

"Told ya', choomba," Becca remarked, shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders. "L's got a real one track mind. Plus, he'd just cramp our style," Becca said, getting in her car while Jack loaded up in the passenger seat.

Jack put her feet up on the dash, crossing her arms over her chest. "Fuckin' prick," Jack decided, frowning. The words were said without any real heat and Becca just snickered at them. "Why doesn't he come out anymore? He's acting like he's a prisoner back at the orphanage, runnin' tests day in and day out." It was annoying. There were entire days that she didn't see him and when she did, he was in a state where he could only grunt as a form of communication.

"L works hard," Becca answered.

"He should play hard, then," Jack retorted. She wanted him to come out. "How can he stand to be in that room when there's an entire city outside of it?!" Jack muttered, stomping her foot on the dash as they made their way out of Night City.

She loved Night City. All of it. The clubs, the shootings, the drinking… all of it. From the high and mighty posh towers to the piss and shit covered back alleys. Everything was intoxicating. It was absolutely nothing like she had ever imagined the outside world would be. In the beginning, that had been bitterly disappointing. Now it was the best thing that had ever happened to her. And it made the fact that L locked himself away from the world that much more perplexing.

"D'awww~" Becca teased, laughing when Jack shot her a glare. "Don't know what you expected, Jack. You know the answers to the questions you're askin'. L is just putting that big ol' brain of his to use. Shrink ray. Still can't get over it."

"Fuck you," Jack responded, looking out the window. She wanted to get the kids out of the orphanage too, but that didn't mean spending every waking moment trying to get them out. Some of them were going to die in the meantime. And, you know what?

People died all the time. The kids weren't anything special.

"Look- L is going to keep going until he crashes. Just be there for when he does. That's it. May not get to see him dance or anything, but he won't be in a position to argue and he knows he won't be. So, bide your time to emotionally ambush him. For now, though, put him out of your head. We got a nova time ahead of us."

To that, Jack smiled and tapped her fist against the metal one that Becca offered. She liked the sound of that. L made his choice. He totally could have come out. He chose not to. Like a big fucking gonk. Fuck.

Jack was spared from having to think any deeper on the issue thanks to pulling up to Lizzie's Bar. Becca was fond of the place and called it her watering hole. A saying that Jack didn't really get -- she had seen water holes in the potholes on the road, filled with acid rain. Why anyone would drink from it was beyond her. Still, because of it, they slipped past the door into the club that was in full swing.

Music was awesome, Jack decided. She liked how heavy it sounded. The vibrations that ran through her from the bass. She never heard music before L broke her out, and when she learned that there were a bunch of genres had been incredible. Making their way through a crowd of dancers, they approached the bar.

Lucy and Kiwi were waiting for them, both smoking at the bar. Lucy was drinking a Nicola Blue and vodka mix, while Kiwi was just smoking through her face mask. "Yo, yo, yo! Lucy! It feels like it's been forever!"

Lucy smiled at Becca's greeting that could be heard over the powerful speakers. "David pretty much kicked me out of the apartment. Said it would be good for me," she admitted, sounding like she wasn't displeased with the turn of events. "And it does feel like it's been forever since I've gone out."

Lucy was a mystery to Jack. Quiet and reserved. She had a lot in common with Kiwi in that regard. But, it felt like Lucy was relearning how to socialize. Kiwi was just aloof. So, Jack decided to lead by example and flicked the bartender a fuck load of eddies, catching his attention.

"The drinks don't stop!" Jack decided, earning a supporting cheer from Becca who threw her arms up into the air. The bartender loaded them up with a line of shots of vodka and Jack happily slammed hers back. If L was too much of a lame-ass loser to come out and party, then she would just have to have fun for the both of them.

…

Six drinks later, Jack found herself on the dance floor, throwing down with the best of them. Alcohol sloshed in her gut, warming her up, while her head was pleasantly foggy. Becca was showing off her dual machine guns and shotguns by juggling them while Lucy and Kiwi danced with Jack. The music flowed over her and Jack smiled to the ceiling.

She had killed so many to get to this point. The differences between how she and L were brought up were pretty stark, but Jack never said anything about it. The field where they had to hurt each other. The crippling pain when she hesitated. The orgasmic bliss when she hurt them before they could hurt her. The hate and fear that divided the Subjects in that room. Constantly posturing to make sure you weren't taken advantage of. To make sure you had enough.

And to push the thoughts of the orphanage away, Jack took a drink out of someone's hand and chugged it all down in a single go.

…

Becca was laughing at something. At someone. Her? Maybe? Bitch! She…

"Hahahaha!" Jack found herself laughing along. What she was laughing at, she had no clue, but it was funny. She curled into her seat, clutching her gut, and it was only then she noticed that they were in a private booth.

"Four reds and four blues," Kiwi answered to a funny-looking guy. Funnnnyy. Maybe that's why Becca was laughing? It made sense. It was why Jack was laughing now.

"Enjoy your party favors, ladies," the funny man winked before he left the private booth. Aw. She wanted him to stay.

"Reds are uppers, blues are downers," Kiwi said. "Take-"

Jack used her biotics to take a blue and a red and flung them into her mouth before chasing it down with a neck of tequila. Becca started laughing even harder, tears running down her face while Kiwi sighed.

"Or do that, I guess," Kiwi said, a sigh in her voice before she took off her face plate, revealing the metallic port.

"I'll hold off. Seems like things are going to get a little… much," Lucy decided, looking at her. Jack decided to flip her the bird and continue laughing with Becca.

…

A bunch more drinks in, and Jack found herself on her back in the basement of Lizzie's. "You sure about this one?" Judy… Punchin' Judy asked her, a needle in one hand.

"It'll be funny!" Jack decided.

"This is a terrible idea," Lucy voiced, braced against the table. Becca was breaking it down, swaying to music only she could hear. Kiwi was… somewhere.

"Good idea!" Jack corrected, teeming with excitement. "Did… does Kiwi… drugs? Yes?"

"Sounds like you've had one too many already," Judy remarked as Jack pulled her pants down to reveal her bare ass. "Eh, you can just get it scrubbed if you don't like it."

"Why would… why would America… hate drugs so much?" Jack questioned as Judy started giving her a tattoo. Of the two that Jack had already, Judy gave her them both. The one on her head was a reminder of the time the top of her head had been removed to test her implant that let her control her biotics better. The one down her spine was a reminder of the orphanage -- the layers and the body count she left there. "I looooove drugs."

"Most people do," Judy returned and Jack felt a pinch in her butt as the tattooing process began. "Just be careful about it, yeah? Most of the stuff that comes through the club is as clean as you're going to find, but don't go taking anything from strangers."

"I will. I will take drugs from strangers," Jack decided, her course set. Jack heard Judy shift to look at Lucy.

"She means taking them from strangers," Lucy clarified. Exactly! That's how it always worked! The strong took what they liked and the weak were punk ass bitches that had to cry about it. If strangers didn't want their drugs taken from them, then they shouldn't have brought them around her, now should they?

"Makes sense," Judy replied. The conversation flowed on, but Jack stopped paying attention as she waited for the tattoo to be done, becoming increasingly excited. Then, when Judy handed her a mirror, Jack almost threw up with how hard she laughed.

Inked on one of her cheeks was a pair of puckered lips and a sign in flowery script. 'Kiss here' with a small arrow pointed at the lips.

"Fucking preem!" Jack decided, laughing some more until she did actually throw up.

…

More drinks and drugs later, Jack found herself watching the bright lights go by as Becca's car raced on by. Autopilot was on, but Becca didn't seem to know that because she kept on swerving the wheel back and forth to avoid cars. Jack was in the back seat with Kiwi with Lucy in the front.

"I don't carrrree how revolutionary the thingy is!" Jack exclaimed, kicking the back of Lucy's seat to punctuate her point. "I want to go clubbing with L!"

"Jack, it's going to completely revolutionize how we approach implants. You can't not care!" Lucy shot back, her voice loud and slurred.

"Watch me, bitch!" Jack shouted right back.

"The GN. Drive was incredible enough, but the… PYM particle is… revolutionary," Lucy repeated herself. "And recycling! Who… why did no one think about that before!?"

"Don't. Care!" Jack retorted.

"You should care! It's going to revolutionize how we approach implants!" Lucy repeated herself. "You can't not care!"

"Watch me-" Jack started, but Kiwi placed a sucker in her mouth and Jack lost her train of thought. Food was so delicious. It was amazing. Chewing was kind of weird, but everything tasted so good.

"Quite down," Kiwi uttered, still sounding drunk, but there was an edge to her voice. "we're being followed- don't look!" Kiwi instructed, but no one could tell her what to do anymore. That's what freedom meant. And she was free! So, she looked behind them to see a bunch of cars. Were they all following them? Losers. She wasn't going to share any of her drugs with them. They were all hers and hers alone.

Unless L wanted some. Or Becca. Or Lucy. Or Kiwi. Or David. Or 'Stache guy. But other than them, she wouldn't share with anyone. Ever.

"Which… one?" Jack questioned, blinking at the cars, trying to figure out who she was about to kill. But, luckily enough, the gonkbrains made it easier for her because they tried to ram them. Two gonkbrains in particular leaned out of the windows with guns and started shooting at them.

Lazily, Jack threw up a barrier, "Morons!" She taunted them, bullets slamming off of the swirling purple and blue barrier that sprung up from the palm of her hand. The glass shattered easily enough and suddenly, Jack felt the car lurch forward.

"Get those bitches! We're going to fuck up his output!" Jack heard the guys shooting at them say.

L said she shouldn't use her powers. But L was stupid. That's what having powers was for -- using them to kill people.

"Output?" Kiwi questioned, "They're Tyger Claws." She said, her eyes flashing red before one of the gonkbrains spazzed out and fell out of the car, getting run over by the cars behind them. Hilarious. What a lame way to go.

They thought she was L’s output? “Get fucked!” She snapped at the Tyger Claws, lashing out with her biotics, smashing the front of the vehicle like it was nothing and causing the entire thing to flip over. It smashed into the road, flipping, and the other Tyger Claw ended up flying out and crushed under the flipping car. Satisfied that they were dead, Jack righted herself as she shook her head.

She fucking wished.