Gacha God: Backroom Deals (ch. 16) (Patreon)

“Interesting trick,” Tony remarked, pursing his lips as he looked at me, gesturing to my Cave of Wonders. The door was still closed, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been inside of it. “I can’t quite puzzle it out, which is a rarity for me. Care to give some spoilers? Space folder? Quantum displacement?” He asked me, taking another deep drink from his… cherry banana smoothie. And I only saw one. He didn’t bring enough to share with the rest of the class? What a dick.

“Bullshit magic, I think,” I answered with a shrug of my shoulders, idly considering running back the clock, but I was on the fence. I didn’t see any signs of Shield around us, and Tony was outside of his armor. If he was here for business then I imagine that he would be wearing it.

A brow quirked up, “Magic?” He echoed, and I could practically hear the distaste in his voice. No surprise there. People favored what they knew. No shock that the guy that was as infamous for his scientific advancements as he was for his debauchery favored the science side of the coin. I’ve seen plenty on the other side that decried science as inelegant bobs and clogs. I myself landed right on the edge of that coin. My ability didn’t care what something was, only that it was useful.

Because of it, magic and science were the same to me.

“It’s… less weird than you think, Mr. Stark,” Peter offered with a thin smile before glancing at me.

“Rollerskates? They run off of magic bullshit too?” He asked me, cocking his head to the side, his gaze raking over me with a quick glance. He didn’t seem hostile, which made what he was doing here rather weird. It also made me very curious why he was here at all or what he wanted. I didn’t imagine it was just to chat. Especially the timing -- I go out to investigate Tully and then he shows up here? Something gave us away.

“Not as far as I can tell,” I answered with a shrug before holding up a hand that was adorned with two rings. “These do though,” I told him, not saying what they did. His eyes narrowed at that, sensing the warning that was in my voice. I never imagined that I could hide forever. Not with the items that I had and I continued to go out. It just wasn’t in the cards. However, that didn’t meant that I was clicking my heels in joy at the prospect of getting caught, especially when someone showed up inside my metaphorical house.

However, Tony wasn’t the only one that heard the warning in my voice. “Sebastian… dude, it’s Iron Man,” Peter stressed, gesturing wildly at Tony, who looked like he was trying to fight off a smile and failing badly.

“That I am,” Tony agreed, snapping and pointing at Peter. “And you are not who I thought you’d be. I thought I was walking into some government facility or some such. Instead I found two teenagers that were geeking out over how to remove someone’s eyeballs- creepy, might I add,” Tony said, making Peter and Ned share a look. I swear, those two idiots… how could you be so smart and so dumb at the same time? “So, what is this? You’re fighting crime? Fighting the good fight? Looked into the guy you visited tonight -- really sketchy.”

My lips thinned for a moment before a sigh escaped me. Reaching back, I pushed off my hood and took off my mask, revealing my face. Tony blinked when he saw me, but other than that he gave no other reaction to it beyond a mild ‘huh.’ “Something like that, I guess,” I agreed. I didn’t set out to become a hero. I had absolutely no interest in becoming one. But Tony was right in spirit -- we were fighting crime.

“Hm… hmmm… neat,” Tony decided with a nod, smirking ever so slightly. “So, no government backing? You’re just a couple of do-gooders taking on the world? Why not go to Shield?” He pressed, shooting off questions. He didn’t expect answers for all of them. He was seeing our reactions to them. As he spoke, he slowly walked the base, his gaze sweeping over the couch, the posters that had been slapped on the wall courtesy of Ned and Peter and his nose crinkled in disgust when he saw the pile of pizza boxes.

I scoffed, “Shield barely has a handle on things as it is. And I’m not a big fan of government oversight. Especially oversight over me. More of a free agent in that regard,” I told him. Shield had a purpose and that purpose was to protect the world from all the really weird shit in the universe. And in that regard, they had failed rather spectacularly. Their acronym should be Lid. Because that's all they were -- a lid on the weird shit to try and keep it out of the public eye.

Which sounded great in theory, until it became clear that they only caught the things that threatened to bleed into public view. But all the things that were content to stay in the shadows? Shield was useless against them because they probably didn't even know about them. For every event that they managed to stop and contain, I was willing to bet all the items that I had left that at least a dozen went unnoticed.

They tried their best with the resources that they had, but their best was pretty shit for their stated mission.

“I can respect that,” Tony admitted with a nod that seemed more directed at himself. “Stealing the Tesseract, though? Bold move. What do you intend to do with it?” He asked me directly and I felt that he was warming his way up to the real reason he was here -- he wanted my trophies.

I shrugged, “Wasn’t really planning to do anything with it, to be honest.” I admitted. It offered teleportation? Big whoop. I just had to roll an item that could do the same exact thing and it would be far more wieldy than a giant cube. Plus, it looked awesome. “I just took it because, you know, Shield lost it and got New York invaded. I’ve had it for a few weeks now and there have been no invasions, so I think its better off with me on my mantle piece.”

Tony blinked, pausing at that for the briefest of moments. “And the Scepter?” He pressed, a note of surprise leaking into his voice.

“I beat up a god. It’s a trophy,” I told him, earning a blank stare.

“That can be used to mind control people,” he voiced, sounding like he had no idea what to make of me. That was fair. It was a reaction that I inspired in a lot of people.

“Mind control is lame,” I stated in no uncertain terms. I could see the value from a purely practical standpoint, sure -- making everyone I meet to do exactly what I wanted when I wanted sounded like a neat thing. It also sounded unbearably boring. Not to mention, I didn’t at all care for mind control when it had been used on me. I found that there were two flavors of mind control -- the 'one moment, I'm standing in my kitchen and the next I'm surrounded by bodies with a huge chunk of missing time' or the old fashioned 'silently screaming in my mind as my body is puppeted by someone other than me.'

In short, mind control sucked when it was used on you and it was totally lame to use on others.

"Not really going to get an argument from me there," Tony agreed, pursing his lips as he looked at me. "Do you solemnly swear to never use it? Cross your heart and hope to die and everything?" He questioned, making an X over his heart. Ned and Peter were muttering to each other -- I don't think they knew about the mind control stick. I only knew about it thanks to a note from a past me when I was dealing with the invasion.

"Eh, sure," I agreed, not really caring one way or the other. "Would you want me to stick a needle in my eye while we're at it? Maybe a pinky promise?"

That got a smirk out of Tony, "That seems excessive since I actually do believe you. Which, in a rather ironic twist of fate, means that the scepter is better off with you than Shield despite all their moaning to the contrary. I bet it wouldn't be an hour before they broke it out to be used or got it stolen from underneath their noses." With the admission, Tony seemed a bit conflicted. "That being said, Shield's not going to just let you have the Scepter. Or the Tesseract for that matter. As much damage as it can do in their hands, they're afraid of it being used against them, and I very much doubt that they'll take you at your word like I will."

To that, I cracked a smile, "I'm sure they'll find me eventually. I'm just dragging it out because it's been pretty entertaining to watch them chase their own tail."

Tony seemed to think about it for a moment, his eyes lighting up with amusement. "That does sound amusing. Really amusing… alright, I'm sold -- I'll cover up this little incident. By the way, you're going to want to enclose that signal and bounce it around. Encryption is good, but against an AI, it's not enough." Tony remarked, snapping his fingers at Ned, whose eyes widened dramatically as he seemed to realize that the reason we had been caught was because of him.

Peter sputtered, "An AI?!" He exclaimed, looking positively overjoyed at the mere idea.

"Course -- as great as I am, I can't do everything. Those parts I leave to Jarvis; say hello, Jarvis," Tony instructed, and through the speakers of his armor that had effortlessly smoothed out the busted in metal door and was in the process of putting it back on its hinges, 'Jarvis' spoke.

"Good evening, children. I am Jarvis, Mr. Stark's personal assistant. I shall endeavor to secure the door, but I am afraid that the door frame has suffered debilitating damage," Jarvis said in a distinctly British accent. Huh. He leaned into the whole British butler thing. Neat.

Peter was practically vibrating where he sat, "Jarvis controls the micro motions of the suit, then? That would explain the reaction times way more than if you were pulling it all up on screen manually." Peter muttered to himself, earning a pleased nod from Tony.

"Jarvis has parameters for response during combat and I'm the one that decides how much to pull the throttle," Tony agreed. I watched him for a moment, noticing that while his guard hadn't exactly dropped, he was far more at ease. Which gave me a moment to think on what he said -- I wouldn't go as far to say that Tony and Shield were at odds. That didn't seem to be the case. However, it was becoming increasingly obvious that Tony -- possibly most of the Avengers -- weren't one in the same as Shield. They were two groups moving in the same direction towards the same goal, but one didn't answer to the other.

Interesting. Not really sure what windows that knowledge opened up, but I'm sure I would find them eventually.

"Alright," I spoke up before the two could start needing out everywhere. "So, where does that leave us?" I asked Tony, bringing his attention back to me.

"Co-conspirators? Unlikely but workable allies? Less than friends but more than acquaintances? Take your pick," Tony said, and I might have believed the thoughtless blase answer from anyone else. But Tony Stark was an acknowledged super genius that could run circles around a stadium full of regular run of the mill geniuses, much less average Joe's. I didn't believe for a second that this was as much of a whim as he was making it sound.

"To what end? A chance at robbing me blind?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. I had been forced to learn what it was like to lose almost everything once. That wasn't something I was willing to subject myself to again.

Peter and Ned made pleading expressions at me from behind Tony's back, completely shocked that I wasn't completely onboard with Tony Stark just showing up and being an unlikely ally. However, Tony seemed far from unsurprised. If anything, he looked like he expected that question. "Could, but I really don't need to. I don't really have any problems with you robbing Shield -- and, to be honest, I'm really looking forward to watching them search for it, quaking in their boots about what it's being used for, all the while knowing it's just on a shelf collecting dust because you can't be bothered to actually use the incredibly powerful artifacts you stole. It just tickles me pink."

Then he held out a hand, "So, I'd rather make a deal. I'd like to study the Tesseract. And the Scepter. They're interesting and I wanna know what makes them tick. I'll give them back when I'm done -- promise -- and in exchange… I don't know. What do you want?" He asked, being rather blunt.

I don't think he was exactly lying about why he wanted the Tesseract and the Scepter, but I don't think it was the whole truth either. Honestly, it could be a ploy to get the items back to Shield, and I was reluctant to relinquish my trophies so easily. Mostly because they were my trophies.

My gaze slid to Peter, "How long do you think it would take you to build something to replace my eyeballs?" I asked him and he seemed to be caught very flat footed by the sudden question. His gaze flickered to Tony before he cleared his throat. "A few months, maybe? I mean, taking out the eyes would be like… really easy, but reconnecting the optic nerves to a completely new pair of eyes? I wouldn't feel comfortable even trying without a few months to test whatever I end up building."

"I have some questions but before I ask any of them, I do have to ask -- you didn't just… I don't know, take a spoon to some guy's eyes, right? Because we would have to have a very serious discussion about that," Tony remarked, his tone playful but there was an edge in his voice. In response, I reached into my bag and pulled out the canister that had the Sharingan eyes floating within.

"Ugh!" Tony muttered, his face scrunching up.

"Dude! They look so weird!" Ned exclaimed while Peter got up to inspect the eyes, his face morphing into one of disturbed interest.

"I found them," I said, giving Peter a pointed look and he got the message. I didn't want Tony knowing about my power. Mostly because he showed up uninvited. "If you had Tony helping you out, how long would it take?" I asked Peter, and he glanced back at Tony with barely concealed excitement. And by barely concealed, I meant he looked like he was told that Christmas, Easter, and Halloween all took place on his birthday.

Tony rubbed his own eyes, throwing up a hand at the canister, "I… I can start on a blueprint today. Don't know what you're packing between your ears, Petey, but I could have an operational prototype by the end of the week." It was pretty wild that he could say that with a straight face -- that he was going to create a revolutionary piece of medical technology that could perform an eye transplant. What was wilder still was the fact that I completely believed it.

"Alright," I agreed, tucking my new set of peepers away. "You deliver on the prototype and I'll let you borrow one of my trophies. Deal?" I questioned, holding out a hand for him to shake.

"Weirdest deal I've ever made, but sure -- you have a deal," Tony agreed, shaking it. "I'll get started on it now to avoid sleep. I really don't need any dreams about where you "found" a set of really funky looking eyeballs," Tony said, walking into his armor that opened up for him, making air quotes with his hands as he was encased in his signature red and gold armor. "Later, losers," Tony fired back at me as he made his way to the door that barely managed to stay on the hinges before taking off into the night.

Peter let out a breath he had been holding. "Wow… I can't believe it. We spoke to Iron Man- Ah!" He exclaimed when I flicked him in the ear. "Ouch, dude-" he cut himself off when I crossed the basement to Ned, who covered his ears so I flicked him in the forehead instead. "What was that for?!"

"For scaring the shit out of me, you couple of goobers," I snapped at the two of them. "You went mute on the comms. I thought something happened to you two."

That earned me two guilty looks. Peter and Ned sharing a look as they both realized that they had completely forgotten about the heist. "But… Iron Man…" Ned trailed off, rubbing his forehead. "Everything went fine, though, right?"

"No. No, everything did not go fine. Someone was hijacking my robbery. A thief that goes by Black Cat," I told Ned and as guilty as he looked, he looked equally interested. "She has a bone to pick with whoever Tully is working for. Did upload whatever you had me upload, though."

Ned looked a bit like a fish with how his mouth was opening and closing. "Wait, seriously? Hold on, tell me what happened! About her!" Ned said, rolling over to his computer to see that he had a metric shit ton of notifications. I could see the mute button for my mic.

"Yeah, was she… like, hot?" Peter questioned and I shook my head.

"No."

He looked stunned, "She was super hot?"

"Try mega," I confirmed and his jaw dropped while he ran his hands through his hair at the missed opportunity. Now that I knew they weren't dying, the tension started to leave my body. Replacing it was supreme annoyance. "I got her phone number too," I tacked on, making Peter dramatically collapse to his knees as the height of his foolishness had been revealed. "I can't believe you two muted me to geek out with Tony Stark. At least let me know he was here -- I thought the mob or something got you guys."

Peter and Ned regained their guilty look at that. "You're right -- we're sorry, Sebastian. He just… showed up, you know? At first, he was all like 'stop in the name of the law'," Ned said, holding out a hand and miming Tony's stance when he used his gauntlets. "Then he was all like 'is that a homemade 3D printer?' and stuff. I muted you because I didn't want him to overhear you so he could think this was a two man team." Ned explained, still sounding guilty, but I saw the reasoning behind the decision.

Still annoyed, though. Especially with Peter.

"I can't believe I'm going to work with Iron Man," he muttered, seemingly suffering from shellshock between the one two emotion punch combo. I could practically smell the hero worship radiating off of him. I just rolled my eyes at it and shook my head. Even as he muttered, "I think this is the best day of my life."

I was far less enthused, but it was mostly because I didn't know what Tony's endgame was. It would be great if he was trolling Shield just for a lark, but given his relationship with Shield… it seemed a bit much to just assume that considering what he had to lose. Maybe he thought that studying my trophies was worth the risk, but I would have doubts until proven otherwise. I don't particularly care what he intended to do with my trophies so long as they remained mine.

"So, everything looks like it checks out on my end," Ned spoke up, bringing our attention back to him. "It'll take me a bit to really sort through everything, but we have access to his offshore accounts and what looks like a huge web of shell companies. Crossing what we do know is that this Leeland guy gets pretty creative when it comes to hiding money. I'd say give it a few days for me to puzzle it all out and I can blow the lid on all of it."

Peter blinked, "Seriously?"

"Yeah -- I mean, we have access to his accounts now. The banks he's using are sketchy by design to hide money, so they're not going to stop us from draining his offshore accounts. I'll just transfer it over to another account and as far as they will know, it's a move by him. Then I could just send an email to… I think the FBI, and they'll swoop in." Huh. That was easier than I thought it would be. I guess the hardest part of white collar crimes was providing evidence, because it sounded like the rules protected the criminals. Throw those out the window and you're fucked.

I scratched at my cheek, "Maybe hold off on pulling the plug," I told him, catching Ned's attention as I tossed myself onto the couch. "Black Cat was really gunning for Tully's boss. Wouldn't really give me a reason why, though, but it was personal. I told her we'd let her take point on it." I admitted, and I got questioning looks from both Peter and Ned.

"But… I thought we were going to make a huge bust? And give people all of Tully's money?" Peter questioned, not exactly pleased with the delay.

"We are," I reassured, "just holding off a bit until Black Cat settles up. S'not like we can't find other ways to help them in the meantime. Plus, we still need to find a way for his tenants to get to keep the stolen cash that we give them." I pointed out, earning a slow nod from Ned.

"Wow. She's really hot, huh?" Ned questioned earning a rather serious nod from me.

"Totally smoking. We're lucky that she was gunning for Tully's boss because if she asked me to, I probably would have called the entire thing off," I admitted without anything resembling shame. Wouldn't be the case if she was working with the guy, but luckily she wasn't. "And let that be a reminder -- you never know what you're missing when you-"

"Mute the mics. Sorry, Sebastian. It won't happen again," Ned voiced, sounding serious about it. I think he was taking it as a personal failure because… well, it kind of was. He was the guy in the chair. He was supposed to be my support, but then he got distracted by Tony Stark walking through the door. Sure, this time it was a smoking hot cat themed thief, but it could have just as easily been a guy with a gun that put three in my chest. And I'm sure that fact wasn't lost on Ned.

"So long as it doesn't happen again, we're good," I reassured them both. "So, Tully is on hold. Do either of you two have anything interesting to stick our noses into?" I asked them, kicking my feet up as I took off my ATs. We still had PI lessons with Jessica, but we were lacking a target to use them on. I suppose I could just start wandering the streets of New York to find a spot of trouble to get involved in.

Peter and Ned shared a look, "Shouldn't we investigate Tully's boss?" They questioned, not willing to leave that alone.

I shrugged, "Sure, but that's just going to be Ned, right? Anything for me to do?" I asked, clarifying the question. If we were investigating white collar crimes, then that meant hacking. Outside of planting the occasional bug, I wouldn't see much use. Thus my issue -- boredom.

"We-" Ned started, only to pause when his computer beeped. "Uh… actually… I might have something for you, Sebastian!" Ned exclaimed, a note of panic in his voice as he gave the computer screen his full attention, his fingers moving in blurs to type responses into a black chat box. "One of Rising Tide's members was kidnapped by Shield! She needs to be rescued!"

That had my full attention, "Seriously? Where?" I asked, getting up to look over his shoulder.

"The Republic of Malta, from the looks of it," Ned answered, reading off information that another member of Rising Tide was forwarding him. "Uh… got kidnapped a few weeks ago, Rising Tide thinks to flip her, blah blah blah… she was found by accident because some Dr. Franklin Hill guy was kidnapped… blah blah blah… oh, Peter! They mentioned Gravitonium!" Ned called out and Peter stuttered.

"Wait, seriously?! Is it real?" Peter questioned, acting like a kid that just saw Santa Clause with his own two eyes.

"Based on the name, I'm guessing it has something to do with gravity?" I questioned and the two seemed to realize that I wasn't a super genius like they were.

"It's a super rare element that manipulates gravitational currents when exposed to an electric charge. In theory. It's so rare that most people in the scientific community don't believe that it's real. It's only been proven to exist on paper," Peter explained. He sounded pretty excited about it, so I guess that was impressive.

Then Ned pulled up some dashcam footage of a semi truck getting lifted into the air like it was a toy despite going about a hundred miles an hour.

Okay. Very impressive. I coveted it.

"Okay, neat. Why are they coming to us about it?" I questioned and Ned looked really fucking nervous for a second.

"We-" he started and I swallowed a sigh.

"You told them that you know me," I stated. It wasn't a question.

His head lowered, "I told them that I know you. They don't know who I am, though. I just said that we're friends," he confessed. That was probably a bad idea, but it's not like I swore him to secrecy or anything.

"It's fine. So, we rescue the member of Rising Tide and we get our hands on the Gravitonium because it sounds cool," I decided, liking the idea. I didn't know where Malta was but it sounded tropical. And I got to fuck with Shield. All around, it was a total win.

"Uh, and we could help Dr. Hall? He got kidnapped by some guy called Ian Quinn," Ned questioned.

"Sure. Sounds exciting!"