Risk It All: Marked Cards (ch. 16) (Patreon)

A sigh escaped me as I leaned back in my chair, looking at my computer screen that had yet another video waiting to be edited on it. None of my videos were particularly editing heavy, but even the light amount necessary seemed to be too much for me. I just wasn't in the mood.

"I got my ass kicked," I remarked to myself, recalling the solid three hours of pure beatdown that Wonder...  Diana had delivered to us all. Me, Superboy, Kid Flash -- the entire team. Despite her claims that we had all the tools necessary to defeat her, we didn't even come close to pulling it off . It was by far the most one-sided fight I had ever been in. Even against Grundy, I could at least do something even if I was being little more than an annoyance.

Wonder Woman was in a class of her own. Or, rather, a class that was only populated with people like Superman.

But, getting my ass kicked wasn't what bothered me. I knew going into that fight that there was absolutely no way that I could beat her alone. The problem was, even  with a team effort, we never manage to come close. "Was that the point?" I muttered to myself, a frown tugging at my lips. Was that the Justice League, or Batman, trying to show me how far I had to go before I could be considered strong? Strong enough to go out on my own?

It felt more than a little conceited, but I didn't know what else to think. It had been over a day since the whole illusion world thing, so enough time for it to really sink in. And… I don't know. It felt like I had gone  to an opposite extreme when it came to the Justice League  -- before, if the Justice League had told me that the sky was green, I wouldn't even bother looking up before accepting it as fact.

I gave them that trust because they had earned it. Without the Justice League, I would be dead a couple dozen times over. My parents would be dead dozens of times over. Everyone on the planet would be dead dozens of times over. So, I trusted them. Completely and utterly. Or, rather, I trusted the idea of the Justice League. I trusted what they represented. But, as it was becoming abundantly clear, I shouldn't have trusted them quite that much.

Now I had gone from blindly trusting them to questioning every move they made for an ulterior motive.

And I didn't know what to think. I don't think any of the heroes in the Justice League were bad people. In fact  I still thought that they were better than most people. But it would be a lie if I said that I didn't lose a huge chunk of the respect and trust I had in them. Yet, at the same time, I could see that it had been for my benefit. It stopped me from making a mistake that would have impacted people far beyond me.

Part of me wanted to be mad. Furious, even. But another part felt like I didn't have the right to be. That I shouldn't. And another part of me was annoyed with the other parts for being indecisive.

Dragging a hand down my face, I leaned my head back to look up at the ceiling. Guppy swam around in his tank, happy as could be. At least one of us was.

"I screwed up," I told the ceiling. Beyond the faults of the Justice League, I shouldn't ignore my own. Batman was right -- I had made a rash, emotionally charged decision, and people would have suffered for it. I stood up and told the world that the Justice League had lied, and that I didn't regret putting Black Mask in the state that he was in. It was the truth. I didn't. Gotham was better off without him.

But how would the world have responded to that? Unanimous cheering? Complete revulsion? Split right down the middle? I didn't know. I just didn't think that good things would have followed my confession.

There was a knock at my door before Mom opened it, popping her head in. She gave me a sharp look that I had grown familiar with, "Ren, what's going on. You've been mopping for days now," Mom said, welcoming herself into my room.

The lie of 'nothing' was on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed it down as she took a seat on my bed. I… wasn't exactly the most emotionally open son in the world. I still wasn't. Just,  after the shooting, I was trying to keep the secrets to a minimum. And it would be a lie if I said that I didn't want to get my feelings off of my chest. "I screwed up pretty big."

"How big are we talking about? Are you gambling again?" She questioned, immediately shifting into high gear at the drop of a hat. I'm guessing she thought that she would have to drag the truth out of me like she usually had to.

I shook my head, "No, I'm not. But… I kinda… nearly caused an international incident," I admitted. Mom's eyes narrowed, demanding an explanation. So I gave it to her. I started from the top -- Batman ended up resigning from the League because of me, the fight out of the mountain, the illusionary world, then the grand reveal that it had been Batman's plan all along with a few minor hiccups along the way. A plan that was necessary because a chunk of the Justice League held reservations about me because of what I did to Black Mask.

She listened and didn't say a word until the very end. Even when I started rambling and going on tangents. She waited until I was done before she spoke again, "Ren, what do you want to do?"

That was the million-dollar question, "I don't know," I admitted with a small shrug of my shoulders. However, Mom shook her head.

"No, not about the Justice League or the team or even being mentored by Wonder Woman of all people -- what do you want to do, Ren?" She asked me, making my lips thin. I didn't have an answer to that either. Or, rather, I did. I just...

I wanted to be a Hero, capital H. Like the Justice League was. I wanted it because Batman saw something in me, then he went out on a limb for me, so I wanted to prove him right beyond a shadow of a doubt. Only that… that was wrong, wasn't it? Should I really be trying to hero to meet someone's expectations? That felt wrong.

Not only that, but my answer had changed. When my Uncle asked me a similar one, underneath it all, my answer had been that I didn't want anyone to die.

"I don't know," I hedged, not meeting her eyes. "I still want to be on the team. Superboy, Megan, and Zatanna are nice. But I don't think that I should be on the team. No matter how you look at it, me leaving is the best thing for the team." I was the point of contention for the team. If I leave then the rift just isn't there anymore -- that was an undeniable fact.

Mom nodded, "Okay, but what do you want, Ren? What do you want to do, not what you should do." Mom pressed, intent on dragging an answer out of me. Not sure why, because I still didn't know. All I had was a feeble reason that I had thoroughly managed to screw up nearly every step of the way.

But, I guess that was an answer, wasn't it? "I don't want to screw up like this again," I told her, earning a slight nod from Mom and a gesture to continue. "I… want to learn from my mistakes and I don't want to repeat them again. Ever." As I spoke, I started to realize how true the words were. The Justice League had screwed up, but so had I. "I didn't think before I acted."

Mom's smile grew a fraction, but she said nothing. She really didn't have to. It was like a crack in a dam -- once the leak was sprung, a flood came after.

"I want to be a Hero. I… I want to be who I thought the Justice League was," I continued. Batman had done a damn good job of smashing the rose-tinted lenses I had of the League. And I couldn't even be sure that wasn't his intention. Batman had been good to me, and for all I knew, this was his version of a wake-up call. Yet, despite it all, that hero worship was still there. The image I once had of the Justice League was still intact, and in a way, the goal hadn't changed at all.

I wanted to be a Hero. Capital H. The Justice League might have fallen short of my expectations, but that wasn't an excuse to fall short of the expectations I had for myself.

"And how are you going to do that?" Mom prompted, and I had my answer.

"I need to be better," I summarized. I needed to think before I acted. I needed to listen to others before making up my mind. I needed to respect the responsibility that came with my power. I needed to respect my power itself -- that I could really hurt other people. There were a lot of areas that I needed to improve upon. In a lot of ways, I was lacking. I would continue to be lacking until I worked on the flaws I found within myself.

The Justice League wasn't perfect. But neither was I.

"Thanks, Mom," I told her, feeling lighter after getting it all off my chest. Mom smiled before standing up and giving me a hug, I felt her kiss me on the temple.

"I didn't have to do much," Mom dismissed, "but, I have to say -- I was expecting girl problems. Instead, you're brooding about how to be a better superhero. I have to say that me and your father did a damn good job raising you," Mom congratulated herself as she stood back up, looking unrepentantly proud.

"You know, except for the illegal gambling," I felt compelled to pitch in. Mom just shushed me before she made to leave the room.

She pinned me with a look before she left, "Ren, you're doing fine. Your father… he doesn't have any good memories of his family back home in China. When you started going out, he was terrified you were going to turn out how your cousins and grandparents did -- just obsessed with strength to the point that you didn't care what or who you had to sacrifice to gain it. He won't say it, but he's very proud of you, Ren. We both are," Mom said, and before I could formulate a response, she left the room.

I sat there for a moment, letting that sink in, before I glanced over at Guppy  who looked at me expectantly. I looked over at the video that I was editing before I took in a few slow breaths. Letting them out, in about thirty seconds I finished the editing that I had been working on for the better part of an hour. Importing the file to Metube, I let it render and set a time for it to upload.

With that done, I stood up and rolled my shoulders. I was feeling a little tender, but it wasn't enough to stop me from going out tonight. I hadn't really done so much since I joined the team. I never really received a definitive answer on if I should or not. And, up until recently, I was content to let the Justice League make that call for me. I had trusted that they knew better and I was content to defer to their judgment.

But, even if I wasn’t, I had already stumbled upon a solution to that problem, if it was one at all. Just like I had over a dozen different Metube accounts, my power set was diverse enough that I could try my hand at a second hero identity. One that I could use in Gotham and in the public, and another that I could use on missions. So, even if I was seen, there was no way to connect the two identities together.

“Or…” I muttered, pulling up my Market. There was an idea forming in the back of my mind as I eyed the amount of Prestige that I had at the moment -- even after my spending at the mountain, and upgrading my skills, I had thirty thousand points. The video with Grundy in combination to my accounts taking off was a potent matchup. I was riding out the explosive growth as much as I could. It also gave me an idea.

What was stopping me from having multiple hero identities? Just like I had multiple Metube accounts, I could double, triple, or even quadruple dip when it came to the people of Gotham knowing about me. Right now, flash step, double jump, and Moon Breathing were associated with Koi. That, and a wooden bokken.

Add that to the name, odds were people thought that I was Japanese. I hadn’t really intended for that, but it shook out pretty nicely.

However, if I avoided those abilities while I was out, then I could pretty easily craft another heroic identity. I had a pretty solid foundation for another one already with Earth and waterbending. It was tempting to buy airbending and firebending to complete the set, but I should test the waters first. If it looked like my other secret identities were self-sufficient in terms of Prestige, then I could look to expanding each of their specialties.

As I thought the action through, I made my purchases. If Koi was going to be the more Japanese-themed persona , then… Beifong would be undeniably more Chinese-themed. Koi was black and yellow, so Beifong was white and blue. Koi had a hood to make sure no one saw the identifying scars on my forehead, Beifong ended up with a straw hat that I could look through as if it wasn’t there,  along with a facemask that covered my face from the bridge of my nose to my collarbone. Whereas Koi fought with his bokken and fists, Beifong would be a  long-range fighter and fight with the elements.

When I was dressed up after spending only a thousand points, I looked at myself in the mirror and for a moment, I thought I looked stupid as hell. The garb was mostly white -- puffy white pants that were tucked into binds for the slipper things I wore. A tight almost light blue tunic that was bound with a white sash, with a white and blue Hanfu coat over, so I was doubling up on long sleeves. But, that was kind of the point. I was dressed in a way that was distinctly not me.

Looking over at Guppy, who was giving me what I could only describe as an expectant look, I said, "Come on boy, let's go for a swim."

Adopting the approrpiate breathing rhythm I used my waterbending on the water in the tank. Guppy realized instantly what was going on, and quickly swam up to join the orb of water I created.

Bending the water, I created a stream of it starting at my waist and coiling up my torso, giving Guppy some room to play in before I headed to my window. There was a convenient fire escape that I used to make my way down, and in a moment, I was standing in an alleyway in Chinatown.

Guppy swam up and down his channel, intent on looking around at his new surroundings. I don't think Guppy was sentient exactly, but it was clear that he wasn't a normal goldfish for reasons beyond the fact that he was created with my power. Normal goldfish just swam around, waiting to be fed, and that was about it. Guppy was curious. I'm just not sure if that was just idle curiosity, like a dog sniffing around a new location, or if Guppy had something else going on in his head beyond a timer counting down until his next feeding.

Without the flashstep, moving through the city was almost painfully slow. I never understood just how inefficient walking was. Still, I walked all the same, avoiding people to the best of my ability until I reached another alley that was a decent distance from my home.

Guppy swam around, apparently not bothered at all by the slowness of it all. If anything, he seemed to like it based on how he zoomed through the stream of water coiled around me. Once I was a decent distance away from my home, I reached into the Gluttony Demon and pulled out my drones. Tossing them into the air, the pigeons took flight as they began to circle around Little Asia.

I still had absolutely no clue if I was allowed to go out and fight crime on my own. I hadn't posted any recordings of myself to the internet -- but… technically speaking, I was a member of a black ops team, so in theory, I should try to remain as unidentifiable as possible so if we ever actually did go on a mission, no one would be able to trace it back to me -- Koi from Gotham.

That was the idea, at least. But half of the team were very public heroes -- Robin, Aqualad, and Kid Flash. If you couldn't recognize them, then you've been living under a rock for the past decade. Not only that, I technically already had a public debut with Grundy.

"I'm beginning to suspect… that we suck at the black ops thing," I muttered to myself. And we haven't even had a mission yet. So, I was just going to do my own thing. If the Justice League had a problem with it even though I was taking precautions… well, they could bite me.

With that thought in mind, I started jogging my way to my current destination. I think I made a mistake with going with a traditional Chinese garb. Not only was it awkward to run in, but I looked like an absolute idiot. I would have to fine-tune the costume later. For now, I had other priorities. In recent weeks, since the Black Mask's mob had completely fallen apart, other gangs had moved in to claim the territory they had once controlled.

It wasn't the explosive tide of violence that I expected. In a way, it was almost… tame? The Snake-Flower Triad, for the most part, just strode back in like they were putting on a pair of old gloves. I wouldn't say they were as powerful as they had been, but they were stronger than what they were. But Black Mask's territory was beyond the scope of Chinatown. His sudden takedown left the door open for other gangs.

The Yakuza took a rather shocking amount of territory. The Akishino Clan, the clan that had formed in Gotham but struggled to find any footing, suddenly exploded in strength and size. Enough so to catch my attention. They claimed what they were now calling Japantown, a block of territory, which put them into direct competition with the Triad and various Korean gangs.

Which is why I choose to circle around Japantown for the night. My drones circled the block, finding various members of the Yakuza that I had managed to confirm. My evidence file was building up -- I needed more drones to keep a better eye on Little Asia, but I was able to keep track of major gangs easily enough. It was just a repeat of what I did with Black Mask -- identify the door soldiers, track who they reported to, send fly drones to listen in on them to find who they reported too and the extent of their influence, until I found the person at the very top.

It had worked once already. No reason to think that it wouldn't work a second time.

"Fucking dress...shit…" I cursed under my breath as I made my way up the fire escape of a building with only a little help from Double Jump. Making my way to the edge of the building, I peeked over the ledge. My target this evening was a middle-aged man named Shouta Takahashi. A long-standing member of the Clan, and with their explosive growth, there were talks of him getting his own Yakuza family established. He would still report to the head of the Clan, but he would be a mob boss of his own.

Because of that, he was never alone. He always had at least three people with him at a time. Though, admittedly, his so-called bodyguards seemed more like grunts to wear you down before facing the boss -- the guy wasn't huge by any means. More that he carried himself with an air of someone that had kicked so much ass he could use people as slippers. Based on my research, the guy had black belts in karate, judo, and was an avid MMA fighter.

Which is where he was heading now -- one of the illegal fight rings that the Yakuza had established.

"Uhh, Koi?" I heard, making me flinch so badly I nearly lost my control over my breathing. I whipped around, and to my surprise, I saw Robin crouching behind me. He held his hands up in a gesture of non-hostility as he looked at me. "What's with the getup? I only recognized you because of the fish."

"Guppy," I corrected, caught very flatfooted. This was… weird, I concluded. Robin and I weren't on speaking terms. We didn't so much as say a word to each other at the meeting yesterday. He hadn't even said anything when  Diana announced that I was now her sidekick. After the ass-kicking she gave us, she more or less jotted out a training plan for me and the days we would meet. "And I'm Beifong right now -- I figured if Koi was going to be the identity of the black ops unit, then I should come up with a new one so no one recognizes me."

Robin tilted his head, "Huh. That's… smart?" He tried, sounding like he was uncertain. Though, since I'm pretty sure it was a great idea, I think his uncertainty came from something else.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, turning my attention back to my target, who was beginning to move. I got up to follow him, and Robin chose to follow me.

"I'm investigating the Akishino Clan. How they expanded wasn't normal at all -- Goro Akishino was playing at being weak for who knows how long," Robin said, telling me what I already knew. As we both leaped to another building to follow my target, I cast a glance at Robin as we silently ran together.

"I know. That's why I've been investigating them for the past couple of weeks," I told him bluntly. "That, and because I think they're about to make a move against the Snake-Flower Triad while they're still weak." There was nothing concrete to support the notion, but it was the general consensus amongst the top-ranking Yakuza members. That it was better to hit them now before they could reclaim their former strength.

Robin looked a bit put out, "Well, I didn't know that." He retorted, earning a mild glare from me.

"Well, now you do. I have Little Asia handled," I told him bluntly before my lips thinned. "Look, Robin, I have this covered. You can go." I was hoping that he would take the hint, but instead, I got a deep frown in response when we both stopped as my target went to enter a building. I pulled out a fly drone from the gluttony demon and sent it in after him while I held my controller. Robin still lingered.

Looking at him, a silent question of 'What?' in my gaze, Robin looked away.

"I'm sorry," Robin stated, his tone as blunt as can be, as if he were just forcing the words out.

I mulled that over for a moment before I shrugged. "I'm not interested in an apology that Batman's forcing you to give," I told him, looking down at the screen as the drone followed Shouta. And that was the truth. However, I clenched my eyes shut before I took in a deep breath.

"Look, Robin -- you don't like me and at this point, I don't really like you," I told him. And that was a sentence I never thought I'd say. Growing up, Robin was who I wanted to be. Years ago, when Robin first debuted, a ten-year-old me had cried myself to sleep for a week straight when my Dad got tired of me pestering him about becoming Robin and he told me I was too old. I guess you really should never meet your heroes. "But we're cool, alright?"

I wanted that to just be the end of it. Robin was a bit of a jerk. He disliked me for some valid reasons, I could admit that. And at this point, I disliked him for some valid reasons. We wouldn't be friends, but that didn't really matter.

Part of me wanted to drag my feet and just be an asshole about how I was being treated -- by Robin, by the team, and even by the Justice League. I was being condemned and judged, and that pissed me off. It really  did. Even if I was being condemned and judged for my own actions,  and not entirely unfairly.

But what was the point? What would being an asshole to Robin accomplish? I would feel a bit better, but I also didn't want to be the kind of asshole that vented on other people to make myself feel better. That would make me exactly like Robin, who I was pissed off at for doing that very thing.

So, what would I gain by being an asshole? Getting even? Was that even worth it? I didn't think so. All it would do was make things tenser on the team and while I found myself less enthused at the idea of being on a hero black ops team than I had been, that didn't mean I didn't want it to work out. Or, rather, I didn't want to be the reason that it failed.

Above all else, that's not what I wanted. Being a dick for the sake of being a dick to make myself feel better wasn't who I wanted to be. Even if Robin did kinda deserve it.

"Call it a clean slate. We don't have to like each other to work together," I continued, glancing at him to see his lips were pressed into a thin line.

He blew out a sigh, "Batman isn't… entirely the reason I'm apologizing," he admitted, looking away. "You're right. I don't like you, but that's not an excuse for punching you in the face. I was angry and I took that out on you. So, I'm sorry." Robin said, glancing back at me for a moment as he spoke, then away again.

I took in a breath and found… how I felt didn't really change. An apology didn't make everything alright. 'I'm sorry' wasn't a magic word. Even with an earnest apology, I still didn't really like Robin. My impression of him was that he was still a jerk,  if a jerk that could at least admit when he was in the wrong.

But again that was fine. We didn't have to be friends to work together. That being said, we did have to try to work together.

"Shouta Takahashi is about to establish his own family, the first subsidiary of the Clan. He's been organizing underground fights to recruit talented enforcers," I told him, my tone flat as I offered the controller for the fly drone that was currently buzzing around the ceiling. It was an olive branch. Me trying to turn the other cheek, being the bigger man.

Like a hero should.

Robin took the controller, "Your power is so broken," he remarked, taking control of the fly as we began our investigation for the night.

"Yeah, I know," I remarked to him, looking at the screen as well. Shouta entered a back room and took a seat in a nice-looking office chair, a hand going to his best pocket to take out a cigarette, only he never managed to light it up.

A figure dropped down onto his desk, blocking the view of the drone for a brief second, but when the figure turned and leaped off the desk towards the door, it revealed Shouta grasping at his neck, which had nearly been cut from ear to ear. Almost as one, Robin and I looked at each other before we sprang into action.

Looks like our teamwork was about to get a trial by fire.

…

This is something I want to talk about for a while now, but never really found a place for it until now -- one of the central themes of Risk It All is the idea of self-mastery. I thought it would be fitting considering it's a cultivation fic, but self-mastery comes in many forms.

The kind I'm aiming for leans more to Stoicism and Epictetus philosophies, with a little dabbling in Taoism. Both are pretty interesting life philosophies, but they both boil down to a fundamental idea -- the only thing that you have control over is yourself.

There is nothing in this world that can make you mad or upset. You allow these actions to upset you. Your response to them is entirely your own choice. There’s a really common example of this that you’ve probably heard before -- ‘Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.’ Be it a tragedy or the greatest moment of your life, you have the choice of how you respond to those events.

That philosophy was touched on in this chapter. I know that it would have been incredibly satisfying to have Ren dunk on Robin, but instead, Ren chose how he responded to Robin. He chose to let go of past slights in an attempt to move forward. In doing so, Ren took his first step on his path of self-mastery.

It's going to be a bumpy road. Ren is a teenager whose powers revolve around other people. But that's part of the fun. It wouldn't be satisfying to write a character that gains Uncle Iroh levels of wisdom when it's all smooth sailing.

On another note, this chapter marks where Ren kinda breaks away from the Justice League. Until now, Ren hasn’t even tried to find where the line was when it came to the JL. Something that they probably wouldn’t be okay with was enough to convince him not to do it. One of those things is multiple hero personas to gain more Prestige. Now, without the rose-tinted glasses, he’s more willing to push the boundaries. Another consequence of the illusion world.

Each one will have a power grouping -- Beifong being abilities from the Avatar. Bending the elements, chi blocking, and other abilities I’m currently forgetting. Other personas will be developed when there’s enough to create a persona without overlapping others -- like if I roll the Puppet technique from Naruto for puppets, or I roll enough healing abilities for a dedicated healer or magic for a magic caster.

Koi is the persona that acts as the testbed for abilities where the odd ones out would be incorporated into his skill set. The Jack of Trades character compared to the other Masters of One.