Patreon Newsletter #4 (Patreon)

Hey Team Patreon,

Sorry for the delay with this. We were too busy yesterday recording and writing our greatest episode yet.*

Dave here, I’ve also been a bit busy BEING REJECTED. I’m looking for a new house to move into and it is a harrowing experience inspecting properties. I went to five on Saturday that were all terrible and full of people and every time I thought “Well no self respecting person would live here” I’d hear someone ask the real estate agent “How do I apply?” And I just wanted to scream “NOOOO! JENNY** RUUUUUUUN!! You can do better, but if you find better first tell me so I can apply.”

I found a great place last weekend and applied and despite clearly nailing the application*** I woke up this morning to a rejection email. That’s right, I just got dumped by a real estate agent via email. And now I’m sitting here fuming thinking “WHO IS SHE??? WHO THE FUCK IS SHE?”

So I’m sitting here feeling very rejected and am possibly soon to be homeless so if you could all comment here with your best compliment on my pompadour that would be most welcome.

MATT’S TOP FIVE

Hey friends, Matt here... what a pleasure to be typing at you again. We just recorded this week's episode yesterday and it was a heap of fun, I hope that translates through to you. 

So I got a total of ZERO suggestions for top five topics after last week's inaugural instalment... which means I have to think of another one myself! WTF!?

Looking around the room, I have lots of options... top five pot plants... top five styles of door, top five tables... I mean the list just goes on and on. 

How about this... I'm heading to a musical festival with Jess this weekend, maybe I'll do the top five bands/artists I'm looking forward to seeing... 

It's called the Meredith Music Festival and it's on a farm about two hours from where I live in Melbourne. I'm fucking pumped about heading back,it's my favourite weekend of the year, every year... here are my top five:

5. Japandroids (Vancouverite sorta stadium pop punk duo) 

4. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard (Australian psychedelic rock band) 

3. Angel Olsen (Missourian folk/rock singer songwriter)

 2. Sheer Mag (Philadelphian catchy dirty rock band) 

1. Baroness (Georgian prog-sludge metal band)

CANNOT WAIT

Jess and I will post some pics...

THE TURN WITH JESS “BOP” PERKINS

Hey Gang! Thanks for your concern last week when we all thought I was going to die. And thank you for the #JessHealthUpdate tweets, it’s nice to be thought of when you’re on your deathbed. I am fine, I’ve still got the cough but I have steroids to take now for the asthma and I’m hoping to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger by Christmas. 

Anyway, unfortunately the drama in my family is not over, despite the most important member (me) being on the road to recovery. No no no. The second most important member of my family, Colin, is having some serious issues as well. For poor Colin was in accident a few weeks ago and has undergone some major surgery this week. The latest report is that he’s been in the paint shop and will be reassembled tomorrow. 

Oh yeah Colin is my car. And yes, I did say he was more important than my mother, father, brother, sister-in-law, grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins etc. 

I had an accident a few weeks ago and he’s finally getting repaired. And you know what? I’ve missed him a lot. When my Dad said the word “reassembled”, I nearly cried because I imagined poor little Colin on an operating table, all of his parts lying around the surgery, nurses wiping the brows of doctors who have been working tirelessly for 42 hours straight. “Don’t die on me, dammit! YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE, COLIN!” One of the doctors yells. 

Okay I was very tired and maybe have over reacted. Hopefully my beautiful little pile of junk and I will be reunited soon. #prayforColin
 

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE

We recorded a really long but very funny episode yesterday. Dave was reporting on his first topic from the Golden Patreon Hat. So read on if you’d like to hear the topic…



The topic was none other than the life of history’s greatest writer and enemy to high school students everywhere… William Shakespeare. We talk about his life, his lost years, marriage, children, writing, words he created and whether or not HE ACTUALLY WROTE ANYTHING!!! Controversy alert.


 

PATREON NEWS

We uploaded our first Patreon only episode on Saturday available to all $10+ Patreon supporters. We’re very new to this so would love to know how you listened? On Patreon web, on the app, or via the RSS feed?

So that’s it for another week. Christmas is approaching and we’ll be sending out our Christmas cards with Dave’s toe print soon. If you have any Christmas topics for the hat, let me know.

DO GO (PATRE)ON! 

*No actual guarantees it’s the best.
** Confidently assuming their name was Jenny.
*** Accidentally writing I earn 10 times as much money as I do.