It's so typical I can barely believe it. 4.29.2017. (Patreon)

I've discovered that, for some reason I have a number of situations that happen again and again, over and over. If I do one thing, this other thing will happen. Cause and effect relationships that are always there, the effect cannot possibly be separated or prevented even though it has nothing to do with fact or physics or simplicity. Certain choices I make or situations I find myself in are seemingly always causes of the same endings no matter how I conduct myself in between the initial cause and eventual effect.

And it's so difficult to try to not be jaded. It's so so difficult...and I hate sounding bitter or overly cynical. But it's hard. So I sit down and try to narrow down different possibilities of what my role in each scenario was and then think about, wow, this must make me seem really neurotic. And then you're on a train of thought worrying about how neurotic you must sound and what a horrible personality combination that is - neuroticism combined with being jaded and bitter goes over pretty poorly.

At a certain point maybe you settle on a certain cause and effect relationship being typical, and then you go to great lengths to avoid that typical occurrence. And then that gets you called jaded as well. So then you settle on, okay, maybe I should try that again. Maybe this time the typical thing won't happen. And then it does. Again. And then you feel jaded, again. And then you wait till the next time comes around so you can start this game over again. It's like the board games you get out at Christmas time with family - you all whine about playing, you start playing, most people quit and then there's not really a game left. Meanwhile you invested time and emotions into something that ultimately meant nothing or amounted to you sitting with a handful of cards and nothing to show for it.