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After a week of working in Baltimore, I'm on the way to NYC. I'm excited to see familiar faces and to see the Nan Goldin exhibit at the MOMA with a friend of mine. 

In the last week, I was hired to do a film project that showed my self portrait work as video...so I have three larger sets than usual to upload from that afternoon. It still feels a bit strange, and I was really surprised and felt a bit odd that I wasn't to speak at all in the film. Not about art (mine, anyone else's, my favorites, influences), not about my process, not about when I started doing self portraits. I watched the preview for the short film the other day and felt very disconnected from the whole thing...like perhaps I should have said something concerning this? Made suggestions?  Looking at it now, it's more a voyeuristic glimpse at a woman doing a series of actions rather than any sort of exploration of why, how, inspiration behind the actions, or even real interaction at all. It makes me a bit nauseous actually.

I understand a bit of voyeurism...but this feels a bit strange anyway to me. I can't quite label it for myself yet and am filing it away to think about later. 

In any case, I'll be uploading some sets soon that are a bit larger than most of the set I've yet posted. And I hope you are all having a wonderful start to your weekend :)


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Anonymous

Could it be that your inner artist is telling you that you should be running the project ? Me, I think you should - if that appeals to you as a *vehicle to express* your artistic endeavor ? It sounds to me that your expression was used as raw material - for someone else to practice the craft of construction - maybe no one was there to give it the *reason for being* ? I think in such a situation you would be the logical choice to fill that void ? Maybe that is your discomfort with the experience - wasted opportunity to optimize what is certainly there ? I am envious you visit MOMA - I only spent a day in NYC and those I was visiting with more interested in eating and shopping - than museum experience. For me museum, galleries and of course libraries - holy places for me. Yes, they are just places but they do have some of the elements that help me feel full maybe even ecstatic ? ~ be well

Anonymous

The situation sounds quite weird to me also. So I understand your reaction, and I can say no more than: "Trust your instinctive response." As for classifying it, I have no suggestions.

livsage

I think in a way, yes. But, at this point I don't do any video work. Perhaps at some point - and honestly, yes. I think your analysis is correct regarding being raw material for someone else's work - at least in this way. As a nude model, of course I'm the raw material for people, but in regards to my work of myself it felt very strange I think.