Journal | On Boundaries | Aug 9, 2018 (Patreon)

I had a long conversation today with one of my peers about an issue that has been present for a while and has seemingly, suddenly decided to rear its head.

This is more a thing I've thought about when new models ask me for references - or when any do really. I've made this post viewable at every level for this reason.

Often we think of blacklisting a person for physical harm or sexual abuse issues and then neglect to consider emotionally abusive behaviors that we give huge leeway. The following behaviors, for example, are not acceptable and are indicative of concerning behavior and motivations:

One

Constant abuse of time done by photographers who demand far more time than they are willing to pay for or beg for more time during the course of a shoot sans payment.

Two

Negotiating very low rates when they can more than afford to pay the going rate - and this is generally done to models they know are struggling financially and thus willing to be haggled down to afford bills.  

Three

Offering alcohol and weed prior to shoots. I've had photographers offer me alcohol or weed at 10am on weekdays. When I decline, they'll often look a bit put off. Offering alcohol to models in the morning prior to working is clearly indicative of bad intentions.

Four

Immediately or very soon after meeting models, asking very personal questions about past trauma/abuse or trying to "know the real them." I think, in certain working relationships, this can absolutely be done. Those relationships, when appropriate though, tend to develop over time and many conversations - in other words, as normal working relationships and friendships tend to unfold. The immediate demand for deeply personal information is absolutely invasive and inappropriate. 

I can't count how many times photographers have demanded that I tell them "about the worst thing" that has ever happened to me. About the worst things I've seen as a model. About the worst sexual experience I've ever had. And it's offensive. It's gross. No one should ever be asking this of a person offhand or demanding any sort of emotional vulnerability or transparency at the drop of a hat. To do so shows a clear lack of boundaries and is indicative of bad intentions regarding the work a photographer does with models. It's one thing for these conversations to happen organically. But a clear demand for traumatic experiences - especially as being "used" for another person's art is low. It shouldn't be tolerated.

Five

Doing a series that demands emotional intimacy while not fostering normal relationships and friendships that would make the sharing of that intimacy valid for all participants in the project. I'm not trying to target anyone for doing a series with this example. I'm trying to frame it as a "using" scenario - the photographer in this scenario is using a model for a project that requires a lot of vulnerability on the model's part while not requiring the photographer being vulnerable in any way. I see this a lot in poverty porn projects where a photographer sets out to show poor people in a photo essay that does nothing for them in reality while it gives that photographer clout/recognition/status/etc. 

I've seen nude photographers do this quite a lot as well. I'd call it "trauma porn" as it almost always tends to reference some deep held vulnerability regarding a person's sexuality, experiences as a human, and is done while they are in various states of undress or intimate situations. I've had so many photographers show me series after series of models doing these projects for them, and they have no real connection to it. 

This isn't to say I don't think anyone can do an erotic series or any series that is sexual. I simply think that it shouldn't be forced upon models who are not in a good position to consent to these projects (this is expanded upon in points further down) and that models shouldn't be used as a way for photographers to feel powerful at the expense of the model's  vulnerability.

I remember a photographer showing me a photo from a series like this, and he zoomed in on the model's rear and said "It's so sexy though, I don't know if I could use it for the series because it's so sexy." I don't know if you're aware of how fast the air leaves the room when you watch a man zooming in on a woman's pubic area from the backside as he talks about her trauma in conjunction with how sexy he thinks she is, but it's rather shocking. 

Six

The disclosing of photos or traumatic events to others outside of the shooting experience. Part of what it takes to shoot a series that focuses on intimacy or traumatic experiences is privacy. A photographer might show the photos publicly depending on the specific agreement between photographer and model, but that does not mean all intimate details must be told to every passersby and visitor. 

I don't think I could count on the digits of all my hands and feet how many times I've been shown so-called "private" work a photographer took of a model. Note to photographers - it's not private if every model who traverses the path through your living room gets an eyeful of every model who agreed to do "private" work. Private does not mean showing to everyone and just not spam-posting to flickr/tumblr/500px/etc. It means not showing anyone but the model. 

Seven

Showing a model "private" work of another model in order to convince her that she should also do "private" work for you. I like to call this the "I am a very special person" syndrome. 

Now, there are many models who are more than willing to shoot private content - contacting them about their rates is, of course, fine. But this tactic is almost exclusively used to persuade models who do not shoot certain types of content to shoot it. And it's absolutely disgusting and low. 

Perhaps I'm just old and cynical, but for every eye-rolling moment I've had to sit through one of these spiels on "private" work and how they did it and would I consider it too, I'm thinking, "Look how you are using their vulnerability to subsequently attempt to convince every model you come into contact with to be vulnerable too." Had I agreed, I'm sure those photographers would have kept my work with them very "private." And yes, that was sarcasm.

It's especially horrible to sit through these frantic, soft soliloquies (they might as well be alone, right?) when they talk about models crying. I absolutely do not want to hear about other models crying about traumatic experiences during a photo shoot. That does not bode well for ours, and it's concerning when the photographer clearly gets off on it. That's for inside thoughts only - no need to say them aloud.

I know that a lot of people end up doing this at some point, often without thinking. But it really shouldn't be happening. If the work was meant to be private, please keep it private - and never use it as a tool of persuasion. Using past intimacy to manipulate current situations is tasteless and a classic sign of an abuser. 

Eight

Playing the "I just didn't know" act or the classic bumbling fool. We all make mistakes. At some point, everyone will do or say something foolish and wrong. We'll communicate in such a way that we are horribly misunderstood; we'll say something we don't mean in a moment of anger or sadness. We'll have a thought that isn't wonderful or opinions that should be changed for the better, and hopefully we work on that.

That's not what I'm referring to here. Rather, I'm referring to playing an act as a way of manipulating others. I've met photographers who are clearly in an attempt to brand themselves the classic fool; just a hapless individual attempting a way in the harsh world; a person who trips over their feet a bit, sings songs to themselves. Just a well-meaning, often a bit blundering, art-seeking-above-all-else, tragically unfortunate, but highly moral and giving fool. (If you are clumsy, I'm sorry and I'm definitely not referring to you, don't worry).

And these are sometimes assholes whose attempt to categorize themselves as some modern day, artistic holy fool  is just that - an attempt, an act. This is often done through overwrought blundering and shallow exclamations about the profundity of their art. In either case, models should be cautious. If you point out a boundary to this person, do they respect that boundary or do they consider it a mere hurdle to their goals? Do they later categorize you as "tricky" or "difficult" for pointing out that they are not respecting your boundaries? Does their seeming ineptitude and floundering not match the underlying control issues and gaslighting you start to see surface whenever boundaries are even mentioned in the abstract? 

I think this last category/point is the worst. Because this person has the ability to manipulate you far more than most people because you will often believe them to be what they appear - why wouldn't you if you're the sort of person who seeks the good in others, especially when feeling vulnerable? They are counting on that being the case, because it is the case with most models. 

If you notice this and everything above, do not work with the person. 

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If you are a model and you'd like to know who I'm talking about, feel free to contact me. I formulated this list while going about my day due to a recent conversation with someone I deeply respect about someone I knew was a problem for a while. (To photographers here reading this list - I promise it's none of you).

If you have anything to add below about this, feel free. I know there are so many different viewpoints on this topic, and I think it's helpful to discuss. 

I've heard so many stories recently about these things that I think emotional abuse like this should be discussed. I'm fortunate to have mostly very good experiences as a model - but I'm privileged in many ways (white, educated, thin, raised with healthy boundary setting tools from a young age). Others are not so fortunate, and these issues are rarely discussed but are a very common issue that some people feel like they can't discuss for a variety of reasons.