Journal. May 26, 2018. (Patreon)

I'm extremely tired, so this will be a rather brief journal entry - and sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors upfront.

I ran a lot of errands today. I took photos of different sorts. I bought a scarf from a vintage shop down the street for my mom. I drank copious amounts of tea and water with fresh slices of lemon. I cooked food at home, and that always makes me feel better I think.

I've been watching Oliver Stone's Untold History of the United States on Netflix, and it's incredibly interesting. I've been a bit distracted by everything though, so it's hard to concentrate on reading for today - so I haven't done that. 

Tomorrow, I'll be getting up to run last minute errands before I leave town again. 

I've managed to still stay away from using my air conditioner, but sometimes, when walking back in my apartment I have to open the windows and sit right next to them to feel the breeze. It rained today, but it was warm rain that just contributed more to the humidity than it quelled it. 

I finished the instagram live video yesterday and felt this really strange thing of being exposed. I think I wrote about this last year when I worked on a video project with an artist as well - I felt like my space was invaded? But, of course, this would be an invasion of my own making and creation. I think I often don't function well where video is concerned. Where I have to talk publicly about my life and decisions I've made or could make. Where I'm explaining myself and my process in any way. It's an odd feeling. 

At the same time, I wonder if it would be good for me to try that a bit more. Perhaps my discomfort is something I should be working through. It's funny because I see other models on instagram live video all the time talking about their lives, showing what happens throughout their day, and I am generally mesmerized by these because my thought pattern is not suited to that type of daily interaction. Having people watch me. I think that's partially it too. I find discomfort in having many people know about me and watch me while I cannot see them or watch them. It feels like talking to a large wall, but with thousands of peepholes looking in on you from the other side. It would be completely disconcerting - it is disconcerting on the video.

A few people told me they enjoyed the video, so I'm hoping that was the general feeling for a lot of people. If any of you watched, feel free to let me know what you thought. 

I was requested to bring several plain bras and panties to a shoot in a few days and realized I don't have those things, so I must go get them. I don't know why I wouldn't have those things as they are so basic - they're actually labeled 'basics' at the store. So this shows me that I do not have some basic things. I have floral, lace, silk, velvet, and frills, but I do not own a basic set of lingerie devoid of personality. I don't know how or why I neglected to have these things, but I'm not surprised either. 

I rearranged my room furniture, and that has made me very happy as well. My bed is now located in a corner with windows around it - I can see out of both as the day goes on. My cats absolutely love it and have promptly found new little nesting spots in the patches of sunlight that exist when it's not a rainy day. 

I took photos today with my camera as if I was taking selfies. It was odd, but I liked them. It looks far better than trying to perform the task with a cell phone. I've shared a few on this post. 

I will post some more photos tomorrow - likely a few from photographers :)

And for now, I will fall asleep. I hope you are all have a wonderful, late evening :)