Neo's Most Excellent Prank (Short) (Patreon)

Quick heads-up: This short is based on the degen RWBY AU that I’ve written a good few fics for at this point. As such, all the gals are older and they've 'matured' in a lot of ways. Oh, but Neo herself looks pretty much the same. Just thought I'd let you know~.

Well, well, well, what do we have here? If it wasn’t little red, waltzing around without a care in the world. Neo sat up on the roof she was reclining on to watch her favorite little goody-two-shoes wobble her way across Beacon’s courtyard. And Neo did mean ‘wobble’. Shorty had gotten mad stacked in the last couple of years. If Neo wasn’t in a committed henchman relationship with Torchy and on loan to Tinder, she might’ve even considered interning for little red just to get a closer look at dat ass on the reg. Delish.

Eh, but with all that said, the twerp was still too annoying to be within a five-mile radius of. Seriously, all that warbling about ‘teamwork’ and ‘friends’ and ‘my dear precious Blakey kitty-poo’. EUGH. Neo’s face twisted with cringe just from thinking about it.

And so, ladies and germs, Neo was torn. On the one hand, Ruby was H. O. T. On the other, bitch was gonna give Neo an aneurysm in three words or less. So how do we solve this predicament, hmm? How do we fulfill ourselves of this lovely piece of cake while keeping her sickening, cutesy thoughts to herself?

By pranking the ever-loving shit out of her juicy ass, of course~.

Neo stood up and danced across the roofs, a devilish light in her eyes. What was on the menu today? She’d made the solemn kitty fall on her ass with a buttered-up floor yesterday (she sure do jiggle, tho~) and made the frosty princess dash through the halls in naught but a towel by putting her clothes in a briefcase, locking it, and leaving a note saying the key was back in her room (they really need to get better locks in this place). So what should she do to terrorize the hooded hottie today?

Hm? Oh-ho, what was this? Ruby had run into everyone’s favorite perfectionist, Pyrrha, and her cute blonde boy-toy. That was going to keep her from her room for a while. And if Neo recalled correctly, that freezer-burn duo would be macking it up in the library right about now and the kitty had class, sooo… free access to mess with their stu-uuuff ♪.

Neo curtsied along to the edge of the roof, pulled out her umbrella, and used it to gently float her way down the side of the building. She gracefully maneuvered herself to team RWBY’s window, perched on the sill, and let herself in. What do you mean, windows have locks? Neo had never, ever met a window with locks before~.

The room was both a mess and perfectly clean, as usual. How these beds stayed up like they were was beyond Neo. These girls apparently enjoyed defying physics just as much as Neo herself did, but that was beside the point. What could she mess with to get Ruby all hot and bothered today?

Neo waltzed over to Ruby’s bed and started rummaging around underneath the mattress. Ah, yes, Ye Old Diary. That girl should really start hiding this thing better. Neo flicked it open and gave it a skim. Nothing much of substance had been added since her last read. Just more fluffy garbage and barfy lovey-dovey material. Geh. Gross. Still, Neo hadn't messed with little red’s diary yet, so maybe this was the time?

Sure, why not? Neo looked around. What could she… oh, that would do nicely. She helped herself to one of the books propping up the upper bed, replacing it with Ruby’s secret book. Don’t ask how she did it. My Cult Leader Likes my Fluffy Ears, hm? Neo thought she’d recognized the bit of cover she’d seen. It was that dingus Adam’s favorite light novel, after all. Said that it reminded him of a certain someone.

Neo didn’t care about all that, of course, but she’d given it a read just for funsies. And, for real: that shit was SO kinky. All kinds of faunus pandering and a whole bunch of weird niche stuff. Neo likey. Neo mucho likey. But she wondered how much little red would likey- especially if she thought that, say… this was her precious diary?

Neo giggled to herself as she put a fun little glamour on the furry bait, disguising it as Ruby’s diary. Then she slid it back under Ruby’s mattress. Now all she had to do was wait~.

The slim woman let herself out via the door and put a quick little disguise on. Now she was just some random background student of Beacon. Why, if someone didn’t look close enough, she might not even have any colors or even any distinguishing characteristics, like a face! That was just how unimportant she was, absolutely!

Neo hung out in the hall for a little while, waiting. Finally, her object of hilarity arrived. Neo pretended to walk past busty red as she bounced to her room, not a care in the world. After making sure Ruby was inside, Neo went back to team RWBY’s door and popped an ear to the door to listen in.

“...”

“...Th-This isn’t my…”

“Uh… oh… oh wow…”

“Can faunus really… can Blake do that with… oooooh…”

Wait… this wasn’t right. Neo frowned. What had gone wrong?

…Oh yeah. It would fluster the kitty if innocent little Ruby had found this with her around, but as it was now, this was just a treat for the scarlet menace. Also, Neo wasn’t getting to see dat ass at all, let alone close-up.

This prank sucked. Oh well. Time for the backup plan: sneak around back to the window, toss a firecracker in, and watch the plush huntress freak out and jiggle a bunch. Heh. Classic.

=====================================================================

I love this mute dumbass. I really, truly do. I so wish that she got more love in canon than just becoming a resentful little shit after Torchwick died, but... hey, at least she can have fun in fics, right?