HSAU ACT 4 Writing Feedback PART 1 (Patreon)

I need some help with writing feedback like previous HSAU acts. Right now only June's chapters are drafted, but I'm open to comments and such.

LINK: https://docs.google.com/document/d/17667I_4ucUkFUgglxaZRgeXmwYqRBxhlcI5GrldmgSk/edit?usp=sharing