Selfportraits (Patreon)

Lisbon, night, ocean, Katya and I swim in the ocean and run along the beach. This is my second happiest day this year.

I have always dreamed of going to Portugal, and especially to the Portuguese Ocean. Planes were canceled 2 times, then there was the coronavirus and then the war - and finally I'm here.

What do I feel?

I thought that when I get to the place I've dreamed of for a long time and stand by the ocean, I'll just immediately cry from happiness, and from the fact how long I've been waiting for it and finally it came true. But this did not happen. Surprisingly, I feel calm inside me and just a pleasant joy that spreads throughout my body. I came to understand that I myself decide when to realize my dream.... It did not come true by itself, but because I made an effort, bought tickets and flew... - I made it happen myself.... And what I haven't come to Portugal for so long since the failures only mean that I didn't respect my wishes... It's like I forced myself to deserve the realization of this dream. But why did I consider myself unworthy to carry it out - this is the question.

In the future, I will not have long-term unfulfilled dreams. I can hear myself and I can fulfill all my desires and I deserve it. Because I create and live my only most beautiful life.

P.S And this is an April shooting from the village where my parents live now during the war. I always find this place very picturesque and meditative)