Selfportraits (Patreon)

Yesterday was my birthday! I turned 28 years old. It's like 18 only 10 years older)

  At the age of 18, I thought that at the age of 28 I would definitely be an adult married woman with two children, with a serious job, and an apartment somewhere in Kyiv. But in fact I don't have any of this) And you know, I'm very happy that I can't put a tick under any of these points. Although no, one point makes me a little sad - I would really like to have an apartment somewhere in Kyiv) But I will still have time somehow.

How do I feel about this?

Now I look in the mirror and finally see a woman - not a girl, but a woman. I see a deep look - cheerful and at the same time a little sad, a formed body, small mimic wrinkles near the eyes from a smile and wrinkles on the forehead - from sadness and surprise, I see a gray hair that unforgivingly settled in me directly in the first rows of my hairstyle and I from that so nice) I feel my changes from the outside and inside and I am so excited about these changes. And let me not have that fulfilled plan at the age of 28, but I am happy about the changes that finally happened to me, thanks to which I learned to experience life.

And yes, I feel that I have become more sincere and open, understood my value and actually have a life that almost completely satisfies me now.

The last couple of days before my 28th birthday, I was overcome with melancholy, I didn't want to celebrate or plan this day at all, I wanted to spend it alone in the forest - listening to the birds, rustling the fallen yellow-crimson leaves and drowning in my thoughts. Well - there was a forest, but not alone, but with people close to me. It was my first walk in the forest in the rain - and it's something incredible. I don't know why, but more and more often I start to think that I am alone and that all these people around me are not close to me, that they are not sincere or ready to support me - and every time the universe shows me through some negative or positive events ( be it the death of a loved one or a birthday) of those people who can and want to be with me both in grief and in joy, and my existence is something important for them. Why I feel so sad from the feeling of loneliness I can't understand. Is it from a recent loss and the feeling of emptiness from it, or is it from the loss of the meaning of being, and the meaning of building communications with people, or maybe I am so unbearable and boring that I can't stand myself? I will investigate. In the meantime, I hug you all and I am grateful to each of you that you are here