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All my memories of the strong and self-confident Yulia fall on periods of loneliness. 

I don't know why this is happening, but my self-esteem, both in appearance and in work, simply drops below the baseboard when I'm in a relationship. I am shy at the sight and company of men, I become insecure in everything I do, I am even embarrassed in principle to talk about who I am and what I am to new people.

Perhaps the point is that I choose strong and confident partners, that against their background I feel less significant. Or the reason is not at all in men ...