Apologies for lack of January posts (Patreon)

This is something I can't be open about because family follows me on twitter, but I've been having a pretty rough month. I've had plenty of work to do - I've been flatting The Sea in You by Jessi Sheron and doing promo animations for Iron Circus, and working on my pitch pages, along with other busy work. But I'm emotionally tapped dry and have been forgetting things and  dropping the ball I places. I'm psychically exhausted.

My living situation is tense. I haven't seen a friend since before the pandemic, which means I just hit a year since I've seen the face of someone who likes me or enjoys my company. Even typing those words now I'm trying not to cry.

This isn't being typed to guilt anyone into supporting me for January. In fact I'm making this post to say NO HARD FEELINGS if anyone chooses not to, as I've not held up my end of the arrangement.

I'm just explaining my non-presence. And honestly, I have no other place to vent beyond close friends, and I'm so tired of pretending I'm ok publicly to followers on twitter. I guess this was supposed to be a "sorry, it's cool if y'all don't pledge" post and became a "reaching out to people" post. I'm just so so tired of being fun on Twitter and pretending my home life isn't making me cry every other day.

Long story short, I'm living with family, and I was supposed to move out around Summer 2020... And then the pandemic hit. All conventions were cancelled. I lost that income stream to support moving, and it was my only outlet to see friends. And I've been holding it together, but January was really hard. I love my mother, but my presence annoys her a lot and she makes no effort to hide it. I think she hates me sometimes. And she's the only person I interact with face to face. I feel like if I don't get hugged soon I'm gonna die. Dramatic but it's been so long since I felt welcomed and loved. I appreciate having a place to live especially during the pandemic, but I can only take so much of being belittled and yelled at.

Anyway I'm sorry again. And thanks for listening. I've still got some pitch work to share today, and I'm gonna have Slipshine work to share in February too. Welcome to the "privy to Amanda's year of isolation and depression spiral" club, I guess. And apologies if this is an inappropriate place to vent -- I'm just lacking places to talk openly.