Handbook of Erotic Fantasy: Tag Team (Patreon)

Transcript from NCA-XX63

Bard: Let’s take a look at tonight’s twin tag team titans.

Pug: Yes, yes! Looking is why honored attendees pay! Get whole seat, need only to edge.

Bard: I think you mean —

Pug: Pug knows what Pug has said.

Bard: At any rate, tonight’s Non-Canon Arena Exhbitionism Exhibition is a time-honored tradition! And to commemorate the Arena’s sixty-third annual Who-Would-Win Tournament of Champions, we’ve got a classic matchup with a Rule 63 twist.

Pug: Indeed! Much twisting. Also wobbling and jiggling. Mammals most notable for immodestly engorged sex bits.

Bard: Right you are, my herpetological co-host. Which brings us to Team Fighter. In addition to their massive ‘bits,’ they’ve got a massive grudge against Team Wizard. After years spent languishing at the bottom of the tier lists, you can bet they’ll let it all hang out against their theory-craft superiors.

Pug: Man-Fighter most certainly hangs out.

Bard: Giggety.

Pug: Heart goes out to Team Wizard. Magic barred from this match. Only brawn. Can superior technique make up for puny physique?

Bard: I tell you what Pug, it can in theory. But after catching up with our caster contenders backstage, I can confirm their underdog status in today’s match. I’ve seen the CMB they’ve got to work with, and the numbers just don’t add up.

Pug: Weight difference alone tells story. Man Fighter has full hundred pounds of raw muscle over Man Wizard. Same story with ladies. And if viewers do not know, elf females even smaller than males. Yes, Pug shocked too.

Bard: I… Are kobold females actually larger?

Pug: Pug cannot be bothered to look it up. There goes bell!

Bard: And they’re laying on folks. There’s the opening hair pull. An exchange of heavy petting… And Femme-Fighter has got the leg lock!

Pug: Oh no! All may be over in first round!

Bard: The elven underdogs are reaching… Can Wizard tag Wizard? Or is Wizard fucked?

Pug: Team Fighter going for the early pin(itration)! There is Man-Fighter on top rope!

Bard: Wizard can’t kick out! Here comes Team Fighter’s patented Felling Smash….