Handbook of Erotic Fantasy: Cat Fight (Patreon)

Barbarian’s Salon Rules

1. Arrive on time for your appointment. In fact, arrive five minutes early. I’ll become frustrated if you arrive late. You wouldn’t like me when I’m frustrated, and you definitely won’t like your hair afterwards.
2. Clean your hair. I’m a stylist, not a janitor. If you come into my shop straight from the dungeon, blood and sweat and gelatinous cube guts all over your head, I will ask you to reschedule. It can be difficult to cut hair properly when you have helmet-head, much less when you’ve been recently swallowed-whole, exploded, or caught in an AoE.
3. What happens in the salon stays in the salon. A stylist / client relationship demands strict confidentiality. A little gossip is half the fun! But if I find out any of you mean girls have been telling tales outside these walls… Let’s just say I hope you have Danger Sense.
4. I’m the stylist, not you. I’ve invested skill ranks honing my craft. I’ve worked hard for my proficiency. Try to tell me how to use a pair of scissors and you’ll find out how I use a greataxe.
5. Don’t rush the stylist. The number one cause of a botched cut is impatience. The number two cause is disadvantage, but it’s usually caused by number one.
6. Don’t move your head. I will grapple you if I have to.
7. Turn off your scrying device. If you’re constantly on your Scry-Phone, you’ll be constantly moving your arms and hands. You might even move your head. See Rule #6.
8. Enjoy the conversation. Don’t be afraid to talk to your stylist. I enjoy the conversation! Just don’t get too personal. You don’t need my entire backstory, and I won’t ask for yours.
9. Tip. Fifteen to twenty-percent is standard. If you think I did an excellent job, twenty-five to thirty percent is appreciated. We accept gold pieces and magic items in trade. We cannot break large-denomination gems.
10. No Fighting. Unless I started it.

Update, because it’s apparently necessary: No fucking. Unless I started it.