Handbook of Erotic Fantasy: Harem of the Freaky Efreeti, Part 8 (Patreon)

But… But… The flyers were specifically addressed to “GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS!” And he didn’t even compete! At least make him do a belly dance or something!

I have no doubt that the lovely ladies who strived (Strove? Strovened.) for five grueling rounds of Miss Brass Pageant are somewhat upset by this turn of events. To be fair though, Warlock is looking especially swole today. Besides which, being a fey pact bladelock should come with some rewards, right? I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Buff Stuff came away with a bonus invocation, the extra attack class feature, and maybe Charisma to damage. Ya know… Just to keep things balanced. 

ಠ_ಠ

It’s always tough when unfair treatment rears its ugly head. Sometimes a GM will shower a favored player with untold riches and favorable rules interpretations. Other times one party member seems to spend conspicuously more gold than the rest: “I know I just got the +5 conductive corrosive vorpal sword of flumph slaying, but I really need that cloak of resistance. It’s important for my build!” 

More often than not fixing this mess comes down to communication. GMs might not realize that the loot distribution has gone squirrly. Players might get tunnel vision on their own loot sheet rather than keeping an eye on the party coffers. In such cases, the simple expedient of raising the issue is usually enough. After all, nobody wants to be accused of favoritism and/or selfishness in a team game. 

In the case of Warlock and Archfey however, I suspect it’s more a case of the DM’s Girlfriend at work. And when that mess happens, all you can do is pack your dice head for the door. Because tabletop nepotism is not the kind of problem that corrects itself, and no amount of civil discussion is going to fix that one. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard a bardic ballad on the topic....

So what do you think, folks? Will Warlock get the grand prize? Archfey is only one judge after all. Maybe Magus’s dance routine will win a wish. Or should Fighter finally find an end to all of her sexy suffering? Place your bets! We’ll find out for sure who gets their heart’s desire on the next (and final) installment of “Harem of the Freaky Efreeti!”