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So having been in the SCA, a 100% accurate recreation of the High Middle Ages in which Comanche warriors, vikings, and musketeers regularly sing drinking songs about their mutual love for promiscuous sheep, I can say with some authority that it takes a while to get into and out of armor. Fiddling with all those little belts and tabs is a figurative pain in the ass. It becomes a literal pain in the ass, however, if an enemy wizard has cast heat metal on your plate armor. In 5e terms, that’s no less than 50 rounds of fire damage, and you just know that’s got to chafe.

Of course, if Succubus really wanted to help out, she could cut that time in half. Given her naturally sadistic tendencies, however, I don’t think that’s happening any time soon. 

So how about it, guys? Have any of you professional tin cans out there had to grapple with the challenge of getting in or out of armor quickly? Any tips or tricks for managing the process? 

INTRODUCE US TO YOUR MAGICAL REALM

Help us give you the Handbook of Erotic Fantasy you really want. Sound off in the comments and let us hear which heroes, couples, and “magical” situations you want to see next!

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Comments

Jayne Lindgren

Oh man, I really want to give suggestions for HoEF... • I've always liked the idea of a "sex dungeon." Like, a D&D-style dungeon, but all the traps and obstacles are sexy. (Like, to open a magically sealed door you have to make out with the statue of a handsome elf and grab his butt) Each party member helps get the team like normal, but instead of using their skills, they use their "skills." • Something with poor Gunslinger might be fun. (if you don't object to featuring the small folk, given that they can look too much like children) • Body-swapping shenanigans!? • I'm always up for more stuff with Fem!Wizard. So delicate~ • Ooh, how about horny giants making a nuisance of themselves. After all, are *you* gonna go tell them not to use the nearby lake as a hot tub? • Resurrection doesn't include clothes. • Couples: Magus and Inquisitor, Succubus and Anti-Paladin... • Poor Medusa just wants her dates to get hard, but not *this* hard.

Michael Brost

In pathfinder I came across a fun magic item which is basically plate armor stored in a necklace. Command word to have it pop on or off. Seems it would be useful here!

CanvasWolfDoll

i'm a fan of Magus and Inquisitor, as well as lesbian relationships in general. the bdsm elements have also been appreciated (considering the 'master escape artist' archetype for my next rogue). as for what i'd like to see: casual nudity and exhibitionism would be pleasant, and polyamorous/multi-person 'encounters' is always fun. also, if there hasn't been a comic about consent yet, that might be well advised.