Handbook of Erotic Fantasy: Core Class Features (Patreon)

So let me get this straight. You’ve got a Charisma-based class, it’s got all the Diplomacy/Influence/Talk Good skills, and the dude plays in a band. Yet somehow bards are still the wimpy nerds of gaming? I don’t want to go pointing fingers, but it sounds to me like we’ve got some extremely jelly adventurers out there. Probably they got their girlfriends stolen by a bard.

I’ll be the first to admit that the singing and dancing schtick can be a bit silly. The hobgoblin army is cresting the ridge, and you’re out there on the castle walls shaking your ass and puffing away on a tuba? No bones about it: that shit is silly. But there’s no reason your bard has to be a band geek. 

When it comes time to pick your style of performance, there’s such a thing as oratory. There’s acting. There’s stand-up comedy. There’s dance and storytelling. And within that you’ve got sleight of hand magic, monk-like chanting, and whole combat styles.  Sure you’re the kind of guy that’s got a one-liner cued up for every conceivable situation, but to me that sounds more like an action hero than a court jester. 

If you can get beyond the mental image of the dorky dude with a mandolin, you can come up with some extremely interesting ways to inspire courage. Put in enough ranks and you might even find yourself standing victorious at the end of the battle, your barbarian foe thoroughly defeated… and also slightly sticky. 

Question of the day then. What is the most interesting kind of performance you’ve seen a bard use in-combat? Insult comedy? Bagpipe blowgun? Summoning pianos on top of monsters’ heads? Let’s hear it in the comments!