Handbook of Erotic Fantasy: New Role (Patreon)

The shop was a place of might and magic. It contained jewels alight with arcane fire, gleaming sets of gilded armor, and the hides of beasts both mundane and otherwise. Its depths held rusty daggers and hempen rope and all the conceivable contents of an adventurer’s kit. It also contained an elf and a half-orc. 

They tried not to catch one another’s eye. This was, sadly, impossible. They’d come out of neighboring dressing rooms at the same time. 

“Please do not laugh,” said Wizard. She was resplendent in furs and battle harness, outsized sword slung across one slender shoulder. Into the embarrassed silence she murmured, “I was considering a departure from my usual proclivities in the next campaign.”

Ranger plucked a minor chord on her mandolin. The note was inflected as if to say, “I too was hoping for a change of pace. Are the pantaloons too much?” 

“Not at all!” said Wizard. “Or rather, I suppose I ought to grow accustomed to saying, ‘Me am like pretty pants.’” 

Both the barbarian and the bard-to-be took a moment to feel embarrassment creep into their cheeks. 

“Am big hair too big?” 

The answering note was a major chord. It was meant to suggest approval. 

                                                                                       *****

The shop was a place of sequins, gold lamé, and exotic faux furs in every color of the rainbow. It contained jeweled masks and false noses. Its shelves held spirit gum and grease paint and all the conceivable contents of a disguise kit. It also contained a tiefling and a blonde. 

They could not help but catch one another’s eye. They’d come out of neighboring dressing rooms at the same time. There was only so much mirror space to share. 

“Am I pulling this off?” said Thief. She grinned a feral grin as she asked, because she knew the answer was a resounding yass girl! She was lavender sex incarnate, squeezed into a cheerleader’s outfit two sizes too small for her Dex mod. “Methinks the Mrs. will approve.”

Fighter wolf whistled in answer. The note was inflected as if to say, “Nice pom-poms. I’m more of a feather duster girl myself.” 

“Yours suits you,” said Thief. “Or should I say, Ra-Ra / Maid! Maid! / Scrub the floor / And then get laid!” 

They regarded one another for a sober moment. Then the cheerleader and the French maid broke into helpless giggles at their own ridiculousness. 

“This is weird, but you remind me of somebody. Do we know one another?” 

“No! I make a Deception check! I mean, goodbye.”