America's Next Top Visual Novel Protagonist (spoilers) (Patreon)

interviewer (i)"Thank you so much for coming today to interview for the role of the Gay male main character of a Visual Novel.

i "We're so excited to learn more about you and figure out what genre you fit in as well."

Interviewee(ie) "Well, thank you. It's so nice to be here."

i "So to start off, I've read from your resume that you live alone which is excellent."

i "And you also are in university, which is already very promising."

i "I would like to know more about your background."

i "Do you have any family?"

ie "Umm... yeah."

i "And they're alive?"

ie "Yeah."

i "{i}*tsk* Hmm."

ie "I mean, I'm not in any way close to them. I actually moved all the way across the states, so..."

ie "I barely see or talk to them at all."

i "Oh! Ok, We can work with that."

i "Have you ever had a case of amnesia?"

ie "Once, before moving to a new city."

i "Mhm? Do you have an emotional and mentally scarring past that forced you to move out and find a new life?"

ie "Well, kinda. I had a really awful job that treats me like shit. So..."

i "I see."

i "And I can see from your physique that you look like the half-average twunk on the less attractive side, and your style of clothing is very much like a miner from the 1900's."

i "Both of which are very promising. However-"

i "Your species, in general, is not ideally what we're looking for."

ie "Oh, I thought in the job description you were looking for exotic men?"

i "Well, yes, but if you can see in the fine print, 'exotic' here means: 'supermodel and or an extraterrestrial man'."

ie "Well, shit."

i "Do you at least have 3 or more suitors vying for your affection?"

ie "No."

i "I see, so you're having difficulty in relationships, as in, you're having trouble trying to find the 'perfect man'?"

ie "No, it's uh-"

ie "Nobody likes me because I'm literally no one's type."

i "Oh. Okay."

i "Umm-"

i "Would you ever want to change the world, or have to take someone emotionally crippled under your care and have them marry you after you made them realize their worth?"

ie "Hell no. I could barely even change my underwear."

i "So that would mean you would be incompetent at it?"

ie "Yeah."

i "Great!"

ie "Wait, what-"