STRESS AND HAPPINESS (Patreon)

Hello, Top Tier gang. Well, I've had one of those weeks. I shall not bore you with the details - though as you've probably ascertained, some of it involved hardware stress... and some of it involved my mother coming out of hospital after breaking her hip (given she's now partially sighted, they wouldn't let her home until we'd made the house safe for her with panic buttons, and booking carers and the like). And some of it was just... I dunno. Stuff.

It's one of the curses of my day job that I kind of need uninterrupted concentration. For dialogue or story to flow, I need to be able to flow with it. If life gets in the way - as it sometimes does, unavoidably - I get really stressed. It's hard to put it in words, but being pulled out of the fantasy reality of a script, back into the real world, can be jarring. It's possible to write when I have a lot of life stuff going on, but I have to kind of force it through; it becomes less satisfying. And, yes, as I say, stressful.

I don't lose my temper often, but I have done twice in the past week. I always feel a bit ashamed when I do - can I still be lovable even when I get cross? - even though I know that anger is a release, and often a useful emotion. 

We - well, I - also got, for the first time in ages, a genuinely unpleasant YouTube comment on last week's the Third Bird video. It was a curious one. It said: "Paul Rose is still a talentless, unfunny c*nt", and it was left by somebody who had clearly created a YouTube account just to be able to leave that comment. What was weird, though, is that they deleted the comment almost immediately. Did they have an attack of conscience or empathy? Did they post it knowing we'd get the notification anyway? 

I have a theory about who it might've been. Back when I used to get grief from my old message board, they sometimes referred to me by my real name, rather than Mr Biffo, as if that was some sort of major 'own'. I mean... hello? That is my name. I don't exactly hide it.

The use of that and the 'still' suggests it's somebody I had history with. Oh, and their account was called 'Oh dear' - another phrase they would use. But I could be wrong. Dunno.

Fact is, even if it was deleted, it jumped out at me because we get so few shitty comments. We're really, really lucky. I was so scared of featuring Sanja on the channel for so long, for fear of what she might get aimed at her, but aside from the occasional lecherous comment, she has been spared. And usually, so am I. 

But anyway. Onto slightly cheerier matters. Digi Live!

Now that Reading and Leeds festivals have announced they'll be going ahead in August, I'm feeling more and more confident that on September 4th we'll be able to get together. We're starting to think about what we'll be doing; Digi has evolved so far over the past year that the plans we had feel kind of out of date now. I want it to feel uplifting, and feel like it has been worth it. 

Plus, we learned a lot from the last one, and we want this to feel smoother. The long interval threw off the flow, so I want to speak to the venue about letting you order your half-time drinks in advance. Plus, ideally, we don't want another free-for all afterwards. Much as I loved the mingling, lots of people didn't get a chance to talk to us, so we may set up a post-show merch table and plonk ourselves behind it, so there's a bit more structure. 

We also need to think about security, and how we do that affordably. We want people to feel safe. 

I've yet to speak to Chris Bell and David Walford about Chunky Fringe, but they did talk to me about some sort of Friday night event, which would make more of a weekend of things. I really like that idea, and I've been wondering about whether I should be involved, so as to spread myself over a couple of nights. I'm just wary of getting exhausted, given that in addition to performing, the bulk of the organisation and set-up will still be down to just Sanja and I. 

As always, if you haven't gotten tickets... we still have 78 left. I'm sure some of you will be anxious after the last year, but I can say is that we'll follow any official advice... and if you're just worried about the social aspects, everyone who came last time - even those who don't usually attend things - has raved about the lovely atmosphere. The Digi Community is so, so welcoming and understanding.

Anyhow... that's all a bit of a free-form ramble, while I wait for a Zoom meeting to kick-off.

Speak to you all anon!

Paul